Layabout niece

System

You said she has an idea of what career she wants to go into? And someone else has mentioned volunteering, is there anywhere that she can volunteer that would help towards that? One it would get her out the house, and two it might help give her something to focus on. I imagine being shunted around different homes and now losing her place at college she's probably feeling somewhat "lost". She needs some kind of purpose to motivate her (and chores probably won't be enough as you've found).

VfM4meplse

Gingerjar wrote: »

Why are her parents not providing any financial support for her? Just a thought......

Perhaps it's part of their blueprint for giving their child a bad start in life?

Topcat1982

foolofbeans wrote: »

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Yes! DD has said a few things that niece has said. It consist mostly of excuses why niece behaved how badly at college: Niece wasn't smoking - the teacher made it up. Niece has to eat in class as otherwise she feels faint (but can stay in bed until 1pm without getting up for breakfast). .

Does your niece have an issue with hypoglycemia? It can make you irritable and angry. If she's telling the truth that she will faint if she doesn't eat regularly, this may be the real problem

System

Topcat1982 wrote: »

Does your niece have an issue with hypoglycemia? It can make you irritable and angry. If she's telling the truth that she will faint if she doesn't eat regularly, this may be the real problem

it appears to be the selective hypoglycaemia that the OP has a problem with! Namely, the girl must eat in class otherwise she will faint, yet she can quite happily go for hours without eating at home with no apparent consequences.

I do agree that it sounds more like a school than a college of further and higher education, but possibly colleges have simply become an extension of school now that all 16 year olds have to either be in education or training.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

avogadro wrote: »

it appears to be the selective hypoglycaemia that the OP has a problem with! Namely, the girl must eat in class otherwise she will faint, yet she can quite happily go for hours without eating at home with no apparent consequences.

I do agree that it sounds more like a school than a college of further and higher education, but possibly colleges have simply become an extension of school now that all 16 year olds have to either be in education or training.

Selective in terms of not eating in bed, perhaps - you're not very likely to feel irritable or faint when you're already laying down. I've done that - felt very tired, stayed in bed until I'm really hungry, then got up and felt too dizzy to be able to cook.

I need to eat between 9 and 10am. If I don't eat during that time, I get very dizzy or have migraines - it caused issues when I first started working in a school because my then boss believed I should wait until my lunch half hour, 7.5 - 8 hours after I started work each day. Strangely, she had biscuits (108 kcal, apparently) every day at 11am and a hour's lunch (soup and a slice of bread - 108kcal + 51kcal, according to her) at 1pm on the dot. But she never allowed herself to eat more than 1000 calories a day and I'm fat, so I'm sure she thought I could handle it more than she could.

We frequently get kids feeling dizzy, faint and/or nauseous at school - they usually recover quickly if given a biscuit or are allowed to eat a bit of their packed lunch. I think it's a combination of not being able to stomach eating first thing, growing too quickly for parents (or catering companies) to keep track of their calorific requirements and probably part of being anxious/stressed about things.

jellyhead

bouicca21 wrote: »

I don't think tea and cake is a reward. It's a facilitation for a discussion.

I have the best discussions with my teenager when we are walking somewhere. I don't think he opens up as much when taken for tea and cake - he's not fond of conversation, and it's especially repugnant to him if there's a higher chance of eye contact!

We live in a town, so I appreciate that your niece might find it more difficult than my son to get a paper round or leaflet delivery job. I've had some good in depth chats about long term goals while out delivering with him - he does most of it himself but I help out for the bits he has trouble memorising the route for.

Do you have a dog she could walk with you? Or another reason to go for a walk?

jellyhead

BigAunty wrote: »

By the way, I believe that it is possible for teens estranged from their parents to get Income Support if they are enrolled in education and not living with their parents.

I don't know the full criteria or process for claiming it. You could ask the social worker or on the benefits board. I don't know if its possible for the person to receive IS if someone else is getting tax credits for them, you'd have to check or if you'd be classed as acting as a parent.

https://www.gov.uk/income-support/eligibility

However, the flip side is that if this benefit does exist for your niece if she can get back into college and has no one acting as a parent (perhaps when she moves out of yours in the future), you may feel she is rewarded by the state for family relationship breakdown.

I can see why such a benefit *may* exist for vulnerable teenagers but I think its a shame that the first income a teenager may receive is an unearned one of £57.90 per week (not a lot for an independent adult but a goodly sum to a teenager used to pocket money).

I had an extra teen living with me, and he got income support, but as you say they have to be in college. It wasn't a 'reward' as such because he gave the majority of it to me as board money. He kept back the same amount that my son got in pocket money.

While in college he also got a bursary, money for trips and UCAS application, and free meal allowance. For him it was better than if I'd tried to claim tax credits, because it didn't tie him to living in my house. There's supported housing, if your niece wants to go down that route. The social worker can tell you about that.

What career is your niece looking at? There are courses starting in January at my local college, but they may not be at the level your niece is looking for.

Will college actually accept her though? It's worth clarifying that before including it in her long term plans.

missbiggles1

Pollycat wrote: »

I think that's probably a very simplistic solution to a very complex problem.

It would be a perfectly good solution for the OP because this really shouldn't be her problem.

System

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Selective in terms of not eating in bed, perhaps - you're not very likely to feel irritable or faint when you're already laying down. I've done that - felt very tired, stayed in bed until I'm really hungry, then got up and felt too dizzy to be able to cook.

I need to eat between 9 and 10am. If I don't eat during that time, I get very dizzy or have migraines - it caused issues when I first started working in a school because my then boss believed I should wait until my lunch half hour, 7.5 - 8 hours after I started work each day. Strangely, she had biscuits (108 kcal, apparently) every day at 11am and a hour's lunch (soup and a slice of bread - 108kcal + 51kcal, according to her) at 1pm on the dot. But she never allowed herself to eat more than 1000 calories a day and I'm fat, so I'm sure she thought I could handle it more than she could.

We frequently get kids feeling dizzy, faint and/or nauseous at school - they usually recover quickly if given a biscuit or are allowed to eat a bit of their packed lunch. I think it's a combination of not being able to stomach eating first thing, growing too quickly for parents (or catering companies) to keep track of their calorific requirements and probably part of being anxious/stressed about things.

Yes, even into adulthood I find that I am fatigued of a morning and I need to have something to eat mid-morning (even though I always eat breakfast!). If I cannot stop to eat I make do with a dextro-energy tablet or two. Perhaps that would be an option for the niece if it really is the case that her blood glucose levels are low.

I struggled with a morning art class for this very reason, but obviously eating while your hands are covered in charcoal/paint isn't really an option, so I simply had to wait until the break, which I imagine the niece would also have to do.

prosaver

its funny when i was 16 i didnt care about anything.. but now i realise i must have a different way of thinking to everyone else ..and still do...maybe its the rebel in me?,,,.... being part Irish ancestry..quote


One little-known fact about Ernesto Guevara ("Che" was a childhood nickname) is that he was of Irish heritage. He was born in Buenos Aires in 1928, the first child of Ernesto Guevara Lynch and Celia de la Serna. Ernesto Guevara Lynch's mother, Ana Isabel Lynch, with whom Che's family lived for years and to whom Che grew especially close, was the daughter of immigrants who had sailed to Argentina from County Galway, Ireland, at around the time of the Irish Famine.