Dad Is Leaving Me Out Of Will

ellie99

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

Forget the will unless he lives in Scotland and owns property in which case you would currently have a claim on that, but not any of his liquid assets.

Isn't it the other way round?

In Scotland children can have a claim on the moveable estate, not property.

Person_one

pigpen wrote: »

no.. it's not.. you just do it to save your sanity.. I've not spoken to my dad for 11 years.. and I have never looked back.

Some parents are just crap.. my older childrens 'perfect parent' hasn't spoken to our older children for 2-4 years and they are for the most part more settled, happier and enjoying life way more than when he was in it being emotionally and physically abusive.. he is a fruitcake!! He actually walked past one of our children in the street last week and didnt recognise her!!! How disgusting is that?!

There i no regret.. how can you possibly regret ensuring your own happiness.. the realisation you will never be good enough and the abuse will always continue is hard but placing them out of your life is not.

I think most people who come to realise they have inadequate/cruel/neglectful/abusive parents find it incredibly difficult to come to terms with. Its not as easy as just walking away and telling yourself you're better off. Its a huge loss, of what should have been a key positive relationship that most people in the world get to have and you never will.

That said, while I have some sympathy for the OP, I can't help but view her posts slightly differently now I've remembered her supposed attitude towards her daughter in law: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5328182

POPPYOSCAR

Yes, people seem to have a habit of expecting the OP to pay for things.


£1500 for a wooden playhouse and now £5000 for a headstone


mmmm.

Pollycat

MatthewAinsworth wrote: »

To be honest if you start from zero you'll struggle to house the children yourselves let alone pass money down, inheritance comes too late to help the immediately next generation onto the ladder but not too late for grandchildren, so what we do now is providing for grandchildren, not so much immediate children

You obviously haven't heard of ski-ers. :rotfl:

POPPYOSCAR

MatthewAinsworth wrote: »

You're a strong person pigpen, and your case must've been compelling
My parents I get on with, but they refuse to meet my partner, and therefore don't see my son (she fears them). Fault is on both sides, and I have a tough balancing act

I would not 'get on' with my parents if they refused to meet my partner.


My OH comes first and my loyalty is to him.

pigpen

Person_one wrote: »

I think most people who come to realise they have inadequate/cruel/neglectful/abusive parents find it incredibly difficult to come to terms with. Its not as easy as just walking away and telling yourself you're better off. Its a huge loss, of what should have been a key positive relationship that most people in the world get to have and you never will.

That said, while I have some sympathy for the OP, I can't help but view her posts slightly differently now I've remembered her supposed attitude towards her daughter in law: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5328182

the initial step is hard.. you soon get used to them not being in your life and start to wonder why you didnt walk away a lot sooner.

Of 5 children only 2 ever have contact with our male parent. I was the 3rd to walk away.

It is that easy.. you just have to grow a pair and realise nothing will ever change and some battles arent worth fighting. The most amusing part is.. he doesnt care.. so why should I? I look at what he is missing out on and shrug it off.. it doesnt matter any more, I don't care, he made my life miserable for years and cf took up where he left off.. so both are out of my life.

I think the time he tried ripping me off for £45 when I had not a single penny and I had 5 children to feed illustrated perfectly the kind of person he is..


I never had anything to lose.. no love, he didn't care, he didn't even want me other than to spite my mother.. there was no loss. sounds very like the OP situation.

pigpen

MatthewAinsworth wrote: »

You're a strong person pigpen, and your case must've been compelling
My parents I get on with, but they refuse to meet my partner, and therefore don't see my son (she fears them). Fault is on both sides, and I have a tough balancing act

no, I'm not at all.. I just learned a long time ago the only person responsible for my happiness is me.

that sounds like a very awkward situation.. I hope it resolves in time. Missing out on a grandchild cannot be easy. My childrens dad doesnt see any of our 4 grandchildren.. or 6 of our children.. he is missing so much!

duchy

MatthewAinsworth wrote: »

You're a strong person pigpen, and your case must've been compelling
My parents I get on with, but they refuse to meet my partner, and therefore don't see my son (she fears them). Fault is on both sides, and I have a tough balancing act

That is incredibly sad.

Sorry but my father married the love of his life and his family disapproved.
It was very simple - they accepted his family or they didn't see any of them (including him). He refused to allow them to emotionally blackmail him - and he knew his loyalty to his life partner and the mother of his children was his priority.

Some of his siblings were very controling and manipulative - but once they realized he meant it they soon pulled their necks in .

They had a fantastic marriage and the naysayers in the family came to see why my Dad had chosen my Mum and despite the disapproval of him marrying "out" came to love and admire her too.

Had he pandered to them and only seen them alone they would never have come to realize this and we as children would have missed out on a loving extended family (as well as some great life lessons about loyalty and marriage)and not allowing intolerance to blight happiness)

As for the OP - It's only money- other things are far more important. Like health and peace . I hope your DIL is doing better.

System

Well I think my dad does accept my partner but he can't really go against the rest of his family, and I don't want to split them up so I have to treat then as one. If it wasn't for that issue they have otherwise been supportive parents so its not an easy clear cut case of saying "that person is bad" and my dad especially is popular where I work - more so their inability to overcome their problems or to stand up to each other rather than ambush me, i wouldve hoped they wouldve done for me and which I certainly would do with my own son as I don't want history to repeat itself. I do feel fed up of being in the middle and expected to solve it when nobody will consider even meeting, have been tempted to kidnap them before and lock them in a room together. I definitely keep attempts to manipulate at arms length and I feel its high time one of them made the effort if they really want to see him.

Pollycat - I'll only even tell my son of what I've saved when I'm satisfied with his work ethic

System

For the sake of swallowing pride I can deliver my son help on the housing ladder, that will make something good come out of this