Men - how do you behave on a night out with the lads when in a relationship?

onomatopoeia99

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

I do believe most men are after one thing which is why I suppose (go on tell me I'm wrong haha)

You're wrong. I'm single, but even so I wouldn't have a one night stand. Although given that a such an encounter requires two people, it seems that plenty of women are only after one thing as well

selement

My other half has a ring that was a 21St birthday present from his dad, he tells me he wears it on his ring finger on nights out so girls see he's taken (we're engaged). I don't see attractive men really (like I don't notice they are attractive) for the most part so I get the not really looking thing. On the occasion I do notice I know I love my oh for many reasons beyond looks I think he's pretty similar (at least I hope!)

balletshoes

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Thanks for your replies - you've reassured me.
It just grosses me out the thought of leering over other women.

Yep always comes home to me but I hate saying that because it sounds a bit, have your fun while you're out, behave single, but come home to me please... know what I mean?

And yes he was honest about it. Rather than telling me what I want to hear he had enough respect for me to be honest. I think he thought I wouldn't mind as I'm not the typical 'scratch your eyes out' jealous woman. I wouldn't give any man the satisfaction of appearing that insecure. He has no idea I'm upset about it.

I am a bit too aloof whilst out I think. I do believe most men are after one thing which is why I suppose (go on tell me I'm wrong haha)

leering? you didn't say he was leering, you said he was looking.

Pollycat

balletshoes wrote: »

leering? you didn't say he was leering, you said he was looking.

FBaby wrote: »

It all depends what he means by 'look'. There is 'look' that is nothing more than 'see'. There is 'look' meaning 'looking for', and there is 'look' that means 'looking and finding a way of starting a conversation'.

Which is his definition?

Clarification required, I think.

Is he leering or is he looking?

Guest101

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Honestly?

My boyfriend openly admits to looking because it's a 'guy thing'. I feel upset by this because I'm really aloof to men when I'm out.

Do you look but never touch?
Do you touch if you get the green light?
Do you not look or touch?

Is it just something us girls have to accept?

Everyone 'looks', despite you saying you're aloof, you'll still notice people, and then forget them.


When out with the lads (age may change this) I have zero interest in picking up a girl. Chances are I've not seen my mates for a while and want a few beers and a bit of a laugh.


Sure i'll notice the group of student girls that walked in, think to myself '10 years ago...' and then go back to my conversation.

gabriel1980

Look and touch, see where it goes from there.

Guest101

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Thanks for your replies - you've reassured me. It just grosses me out the thought of leering over other women.

Yep always comes home to me but I hate saying that because it sounds a bit, have your fun while you're out, behave single, but come home to me please... know what I mean?

And yes he was honest about it. Rather than telling me what I want to hear he had enough respect for me to be honest. I think he thought I wouldn't mind as I'm not the typical 'scratch your eyes out' jealous woman. I wouldn't give any man the satisfaction of appearing that insecure. He has no idea I'm upset about it.

I am a bit too aloof whilst out I think. I do believe most men are after one thing which is why I suppose (go on tell me I'm wrong haha)

I can tell you now, without ever seeing you, I have zero interest in any sexual contact with you.


Being on a lad's night out wouldn't change that - you'd be surprised how many other men would feel/think the same.

fairy_lights

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Thanks for your replies - you've reassured me. It just grosses me out the thought of leering over other women.

I'm a bit confused by this, what exactly did your boyfriend say to you about how he behaves when he's out?
There's a big difference between looking; 'that woman looks very attractive, her dress really flatters her figure, although she's not a patch on newlyboughthouse' and leering; 'Phwoar, the norks on that! The things I'd like to do to her..."


There's also a difference between looking at someone attractive because they're in the same room as you and in your line of vision, and going out with the intention of finding someone attractive.

spend_or_save

fairy_lights wrote: »

I'm a bit confused by this, what exactly did your boyfriend say to you about how he behaves when he's out?
There's a big difference between looking; 'that woman looks very attractive, her dress really flatters her figure, although she's not a patch on newlyboughthouse' and leering; 'Phwoar, the norks on that! The things I'd like to do to her..."


There's also a difference between looking at someone attractive because they're in the same room as you and in your line of vision, and going out with the intention of finding someone attractive.

Fairy Lights - The first highlighted section is what another woman might say about an attractive woman, not a guy out with the lads, he would undoubtedly say the second highlighted section.

I would think everyone looks, men or woman, some people will verbalise it, and if they feel the need to, its more likely to be in the format of the second phrase rather than the first, especuially when its a guy with his mates.

I have no doubt my Mrs looks at other guys and have no problems with that, and to be honest if she was to have a bit of a smutty conversation with one of her friends about an attractive guy i wouldnt be that bothered, its actions that matter and i trust her 100% and know she would never cheat on me.

74jax

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Thanks for your replies - you've reassured me. It just grosses me out the thought of leering over other women.

leers?? he told you he leers at other women on every night out? What does he class as leering?

He has no idea I'm upset about it.
So why not tell him? not in a 'you're never going out again' way, but I think I would tell him your insecurities, so he can reassure you.

I am a bit too aloof whilst out I think. I do believe most men are after one thing which is why I suppose (go on tell me I'm wrong haha)

Makes no difference what we tell you, it's how you think. But if you think 'most' men are after one thing it doesn't really say a lot about your ideas of the other sex.

Newlyboughthouse wrote: »

Not sure why it matters, but I'm 29, thanks for asking.

Because your question comes across as though you are quite young.