Money Moral Dilemma: Should I buy a cheaper engagement ring?

Pollycat

gaving7095 wrote: »

Assuming it's a diamond ring, diamonds are total B.S. - not at all "rare" - with their "value" set by corporations such as the De Beers Group. Try selling the same ring back to the shop you got it from, unworn, a day after purchase & be prepared to be offered like 30 % of what you paid probably at best LOL.
So, it is VERY plausible to find a VERY nice ring going very cheaply second hand for example. Assuming that this is something like what has happened, I would buy it for her & not tell her the cost.

Personally I would draw the line at buying a zircon (which after all is essentially exactly the same as a diamond) then passing that off as a "proper diamond".

If you're saying you can buy a colourless zircon much cheaper than a diamond, I would not argue.

However, zircon is not 'essentially the same as a diamond' at all.

They are different in hardness.

A zircon can be scatched by a diamond (or other things) but a diamond can only be scratched by another diamond.

Suggesting that the OP buy a zircon and pass it off as a "proper diamond" is even worse than the original question:

MSE_Nick wrote: »

My girlfriend's expecting me to spend a certain amount on her engagement ring, but I've found a nice one for a chunk less. Should I just buy it and not tell her how much it cost, or stump up the cash for a more expensive one?]

benjus

gaving7095 wrote: »

Assuming it's a diamond ring, diamonds are total B.S. - not at all "rare" - with their "value" set by corporations such as the De Beers Group. Try selling the same ring back to the shop you got it from, unworn, a day after purchase & be prepared to be offered like 30 % of what you paid probably at best LOL.

Think that's got more to do with the mark-up applied by the jeweler than anything else. The value of the raw materials should be about the same.

heartbreak_star

Why does it have to be a diamond?

The only people that ever stated it had to be are De Beers et al.

My friend proposed with a silver ring, with a piece of Whitby Jet in it - they met at Whitby and love the idea of her wearing a piece of that day forever (I cried a little when I heard the story!)

HBS x

AubreyMac

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Why does it have to be a diamond?

Doesn't HAVE to be, just down to personal preferences.


Like wedding dresses and suits, why does it have to be a certain colour/style etc. It doesn't but if it's what the individual want then that's their choice.


I personally would rather have a pricey ring than an expensive wedding. At least the ring will get more wear than a dress/suit.

DigForVictory

We shopped together for the engagement ring. In the jewellery quarter, but a High St store had an outpost there. (Got to blink at our ignorance then.) I saw a glorious ring & crooned, gently lamenting that it had rubies & I preferred sapphires. "Like that one?" pointed my husband-to-be, eyeing the pad next across.

It came out of the window & onto my finger & the next fortnight was one of "We're engaged! ... She's wearing the ring! ... It didn't cost as much as I though it would!" ... There's nothing like romance.

Years later the claws and a couple of small stones have been replaced, and I live in my wedding band, but my engagement ring is special to us.

We've also found a jewellery supplier who can source replacement sapphires (right colour & cut) for under a fiver a stone - I will teach my sons to visit them First!

scrabbly

If this is how this relationship is starting - how much worse is it going to get ???? Try talking !!!

moneyistooshorttomention

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't think that Medway_Gal has made the decision not to ask him to contribute to household expenses. In the post below she says he is contributing to bills but nothing else:

...and its taken him 17 years!!!! to ask her to marry him:eek:

But...yes...the fact he has spent 4 times as much on luxuries for himself as on an engagement ring for her doesn't just speak volumes - it positively shouts volumes.

MedwayGal - if you are weak enough/lacking in self-worth enough to stay with someone like him - then, at the very least, protect yourself from him having any chance of stealing any of your assets off you. From where I'm standing - I do have to say that my suspicion that he wants to marry you now boils down to he wants to try and "secure a hold" on trying to grab some of your assets if you two break up and he might even try to provoke such a break-up (ie once he's got a wedding ring on your finger).

I am sorry to say that - but it does not look good to me for you with him at all.

sugarbaby125

I have 2 nieces who both made such a fuss about the cost of their engagement rings and the size of the diamonds in the gold bands, that I was shocked. Niece A was so money grabbing and materialistic, she demanded 2 upgrade engagement rings over the next 2 years, so actually ended up with 3 engagement rings from the same Fiance !!!! Lucky for her Fiance he eventually realised she was not worth his Love and ditched her for a much nicer woman, who he subsequently married. Niece B, had such a huge diamond in an 18ct gold band, that the whole family was awe struck, when we saw it. We were gob smacked, when she refused to wear the ring days later because a ring that had cost in excess of £3,000 was not good enough!!!! She is still together with her man, but they are not engaged.

I tell this tale as a lesson to all men and women who are getting engaged. If the price of the ring and the size of the large diamond in the ring is what matters most to the woman, then watch out! This relationship will be unlikely to be long term. This materialistic and shallow attitude to getting engaged is not attractive

CRANKY40

I wouldn't buy a ring at all - I'd have one made. The late MrCranky was a goldsmith before a career change in his late 30s. When he was testing the waters for proposing he asked what my ideal ring would be. I told him something simple that wouldn't break easily.

He made me a platinum diamond solitaire. He was able to choose the diamond he used - cheaper diamonds tend to have visible faults or "occlusions" which can be seen as black marks. The total cost of the parts of my ring were £675. On completion it was valued at £2500. This was in 2001 so I expect the prices would be higher now but surely a mark up of nearly £2000 by an independent goldsmith would be unusual?

Glosjools_2

When I got engaged, back in 1977, this wouldn't have been a topic for debate/conversation. However, by the time my son was ready to 'pop the question' in 2011, it appears that the 'norm' was for the engagement ring to cost the equivalent of one month's salary. Personally I find this worrying, but may be where the comment about 'how much my girlfriend expects me to pay' came from. When my son-in-law proposed to my daughter it was with a ring that he could afford.... not necessarily what she dreamed of but the sentiment behind it made it the ring the one of her dreams.