Blind date error

Georgiegirl256

I actually remember that thread now you've mentioned it jaylee. strange goings on for sure!

jaylee3

Definitely. Georgie.

choccyface2006

OK so stripper/escort/!!!!!! star were my first thoughts BUT he he might have another profession some people might find offensive.
My boyfriend was reluctant to tell me he was in the police (I'm proud and delighted he is) but there are many other jobs that might cause offence like traffic warden, baliffe/debt collector, tax collector, bouncer...

Assuming this is all true of course.

Sarah

Anatidaephobia

If the OP had it in her head that her date was a certain person (regardless of how she came to that conclusion or whose fault it is), then I can understand how she would be surprised when somebody else turns up.

A second date would probably be more successful than the first because she's had a chance to get over it and just get to know him without any preconceptions. I imagine if she met up with him again, she'd quickly forget about the photo and just get to know him for 'him'.

This latest news about the job is pretty weird; if it were me I'd be curious and still go along for a second date to find out what he meant! If he's being melodramatic/weird, or if the date doesn't go well for whatever reason, she doesn't have to see him again if she doesn't want to!

Pollycat

Spinkz wrote: »

He has been very manipulative if you think about it. The guy she was attracted to was the guy in the centre of the picture. You would expect it to be the person in the centre who you are talking to. The other picture she says is taken really far away so she cant see him clearly. He also avoided any video chat methods by saying his webcam was broken and he needed to buy a new phone. That is pretty misleading imo

I don't think he has been manipulative.

As I posted earlier:

Pollycat wrote: »

I've never been on the internet dating scene but I'm pretty sure that if a potential date had 3 photos on his profile, 2 of them with 3 blokes on, I'd ask which one he was instead of assuming he was the one in the middle.

Assuming - in a photo of 3 people - that the middle one is the actual guy you're talking to - is downright silly.

Maybe his camera wasn't working.
Maybe he had the same feelings as this poster:

SandC wrote: »

And as for the video chat thing, that's something I have no interest in doing with anyone, personally. We can talk on the phone, text or meet up. My alone time is private and I would like to meet someone who feels the same way!

but thought he might come across as rude if he said that outright.

Spinkz wrote: »

When he saw she was disappointed which he knew she would be as he must have known she thought he was the other guy, he guilt tripped her by making her think it is her fault and by offering to leave he took advantage of her good nature.

This is known as catfishing.

Why must he have known she thought he was the other guy?
It was her fault for not checking which one he was (although if I'd posted a photo of me and 2 other ladies and put it on my profile on a dating website, I'd probably have said 'I'm the one on the left').

I don't think what has happend here can be desribed as 'catfishing' at all.

Redacted

Online dating is a lot like online house buying. A fast way of browsing potential options, but you're not going to know if the person/house is for you till you're face to face, and even then it may take a few dates/visits to be sure.

So he wasn't what you were expecting from the pictures. The lesson to learn there is to move to the face to face stage quicker, so you have less time to build the relationship in your head. Reality will never match up to your fantasy, but that can also end up being a great thing - the reality could be something you'd never have been able to imagine.

So, my advice to you would be the same advice I've given a number of friends during their dating haze - stop obsessing!!! Meet the guy again, set aside your preconceptions and see where it goes. Dating can be a lot of fun with the right attitude and if you don't click with this guy, set up more dates with other guys. Also, try deciding less by their online presence and more by their face to face presence - move some of those "maybe" guys into the "yes" pile and just meet them before making a decision.

You wouldn't buy a house solely by what you'd read online - and you'll make things a darn site harder for yourself if you try to find a partner that way. Online dating is just meant to make it easier to meet people you otherwise wouldn't meet; conducting the whole romance online is just setting yourself up for disappointment in a lot of cases.

Pollycat

After reading post #55, the best advice to the OP may be to follow missbiggles's first suggestion......

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'm beginning to think that you should avoid both on line dating and on line forums!

yvonne13_2

Pollycat wrote: »

After reading post #55, the best advice to the OP may be to follow missbiggles's first suggestion......

So first of all you're agreeing that I'm shallow because you saw "a couple of people on here say so". Now you're telling me once again based of "someone else’s suggestion" you agree that I should avoid online dating and online forums?!?!

You don't know me on any level to tell me what to do. I asked for guidance which some posters gave and whether it is positive or negative that's fine as it's only their opinion. What I won't put up with (I'm going to be rude now) is people like you that are socially awkward. You lack self awareness and empathy of emotional intelligence.
So as you've clearly been living under a rock let me spell it out to you.
1. You feel that I don't get to the point so it makes you impatient and frustrated.
2. You weigh in early with your assertions and defend them with vigour.
3. You under estimate what negative impact your words have on others.
4. You clearly ignore what you say and what other people hear.
5. You need to think about how your words are going to impact on others and how you want them to feel.
6. Think about how you want people to feel about you.
7 Stop being a keyboard warrior.

Now feel free to kick rocks and block me.

FBaby

To be fair, it does sound like you are applying your own advice as stated under point 5.

You are clearly hang up about looks going from your different threads, so maybe, to ensure you avoid hurting people's feelings when they see your disappointment, you might want to consider pointing out in your dating profile that you are particular about looks and will go by the pictures posted, with any which are not a perfect representation of the person within the last few months being disregarded immediately. That will avoid any confusion. It might of course reduce the number of dates you get, but that's your choice.

System

Avoiding any tittle tattle (agree - great expression!), let's get down to brass tacks...
Have you met up with him again? Did you find out what he does for a living?