considering teenage children when moving

74jax

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Your Husband is trying to move away from your old life, and build a new one - one that is not designed to fit around your daughter. He wants to build a future for you two

If your daughter really wants to go to Uni, I think you should encourage it. she would get a student loan, and easy get a part time job - so any financial assistance from you really would not be that great - the odd few quid here or there or bag of groceries, which is not going to be any more than the extra cost of her living at home now. Student living can be great fun for some

Hubby doesn't want to move. I do. Not to get away from anything but because I've been in the same house 15 years. I fancy a change. Hrs not bothered, hence we are talking about it.

DD doesn't have a clue what she wants to do, it changes weekly.

She could go to the uni near us and stay at home, but she doesn't to. She could go to the uni near my brother and stay with him but she doesn't want to.

That's Newcastle, Northumberland, Lancaster, Preston. She doesn't want to. I don't want to make her do something she doesn't want to do.

pickledonionspaceraider

74jax wrote: »

She isn't going to uni due to costs, I just couldn't afford it, but she's looking at doing her degree at the college as it's 6k a year instead of 9k and she could stay at home to do it.

She's still not sure on doing the degree, she wants to work with kids, but not as a teacher, so is unsure. Hence why she doesn't want to fork out all uni expenses till she knows what she wants.

Yes he isn't her dad, he's lived with us for 3 years tho and known her 10 years.

We wouldn't move to a forever home yet. If we did I would hope it would be abroad maybe but not until we are ready to settle in one place.

so she is looking at doing a degree?

I honestly did not know you could do these at college?

74jax

Person_one wrote: »

Well, that skirts the real issue nicely...

However, you said you wasn't sure what she wants to do yet? University should still be very much an option.

She's looked at some, but I think all she wants to do is work. It was only a year ago she decided to work with children. It's hard as I'm 40 and still don't know what I want to do. In fact I think I've started threads for advise on working with children before for her.

She knows she doesn't want to teach, but that's it. I always wanted her to go to uni, because I didn't, yes I know the wrong reason but it's true.

She has applied, as she need to get her personal statement etc done, but she's only done it add the teacher said it's best to have options.

I think she'd like to stay and do a levels forever.....

selement

I wouldn't move until shes finished A Levels if you want her to have her best chance of doing well! She does need to figure out what she wants to do though (easier said than done!) I reckon after A Levels do what you want and she can either go out on her own or come with you! I would also discuss it with her so she has some warning.
I disagree with your husbands view of making her go with you regardless without considering her education etc, being a teenager comes with enough problems without moving away from all your friends

74jax

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

so she is looking at doing a degree?

I honestly did not know you could do these at college?

Neither did I......

I think she wants to stay at college as she likes it, and its easier than getting a job......

But I went with her to the open night, and yes it's the same degree, costs less. I guess it's the same as doing one by home study etc. You don't need to do it at a uni. The college is linked to Northumberland uni.

RAS

Does she know that her step father will support her if she chooses to go to university?

Because his high income will massively reduce her funding from other sources and she is not responsible for that situation.

Person_one

74jax wrote: »

She's looked at some, but I think all she wants to do is work. It was only a year ago she decided to work with children. It's hard as I'm 40 and still don't know what I want to do. In fact I think I've started threads for advise on working with children before for her.

She knows she doesn't want to teach, but that's it. I always wanted her to go to uni, because I didn't, yes I know the wrong reason but it's true.

She has applied, as she need to get her personal statement etc done, but she's only done it add the teacher said it's best to have options.

I think she'd like to stay and do a levels forever.....

A 2:1 or 1st from a good uni in a traditional subject like English or History would stand her in good stead for pretty much any career she might want to do, if she's certain that there isn't a specific graduate job she wants straightaway like primary teaching or children's nursing.

What A levels is she doing? If she's enjoying them and succeeding then she's clearly got the academic ability for uni.

pickledonionspaceraider

74jax wrote: »

When my DD was younger I moved to be near her school and am still there. Her friends are close by, goes to 6th form at a college nearby now and is looking at doing a degree nearby too.

Hubby and I discussed moving and I brought up DD has to be considered and I couldn't uproute her. He said she would just have to move with us.

I should add, we aren't actually moving yet, we were just talking, but wondered if I'm in the minority, should DD just suck it up and move regardless?

This thread is confusing.

So the facts are coming out after the initial post, the situation is not quite as stated as above.

OP you want to move, you are the one pushing the issue in your house because in your words, 'you fancy a change' - your husband doesn't want to move, your daughter is doing her A Levels so neither are bothered about moving house

you do not actually seem to have a real reason for wanting to move, no one else wants to move and your husband seems to be in the doghouse for saying your daughter would just have to move, well yes so would your husband, and so in answer to your question ...what was the question???

pigpen

74jax wrote: »

I know you don't care, but was asking if you had teenage adults would where you move have any relevance on them. Would you pick where you wanted to move regardless and go.

I ask because I considered DD and hubby said we don't really need to and she moves with us.

It's interesting getting other views, I know half the time people will agree with you and the other half not, I like getting people's views tho... I'm weird like that.

my point was more that we don't care because it doesn't impact us and to encourage you to treat your daughter as an adult and ask her opinion not ours! your husband is being bit of an @$$ saying to totally disregard her.

personally I wouldn't even consider it at all until she had finished her education.. hence I am still here in this cruddy town with no job prospects and no future.

Peter333

Person_one wrote: »

I wouldn't be content living with a man who was so unwilling to share, to the point that he'd happily see his step-daughter's future be affected by his refusal to contribute to her education.

With so much money coming into the family, cost shouldn't hold your daughter back at all. Shame one family member is hoarding it for himself!

Person_one wrote: »

Student finance is based on household income. Her stepdad's earnings would be taken into account when her entitlement to funding is calculated, not her dad's.

Although there's no mechanism to actually force him to contribute to make up the shortfall that would exist entirely because of his presence, you'd hope he'd realise there was a moral obligation.

But then, it sounds as though he's happy for his wife to struggle on a low income even though he earns 4x as much as her, so who knows?

Person_one wrote: »

Well, that skirts the real issue nicely...

However, you said you wasn't sure what she wants to do yet? University should still be very much an option.

Nowhere in any of 74jax's posts has she said that her husband is depriving her of funds or keeping her poor. Nowhere in her posts did she say that her husband is hoarding his money for himself. Nowhere in her posts has she said she is poor, just that she may not be able to fully support her daughter through uni. Nowhere in her posts has she said her daughter is desperate to go to university.

What on earth are you doing?