considering teenage children when moving

74jax

FBaby wrote: »

Why are you considering moving in the first place? Because you don't like the area, want to downsize, reduce your mortgage/rent?

None of the above, just looking at where we could move to. My work is relocating but it doesn't make any difference to where we live.

I've been here 15 years now, nice to see where else we could go.

Jagraf

74jax wrote: »

We would probably be moving a little over an hour away driving, so a bit more on public transport.

She isn't going to uni due to costs, I just couldn't afford it, but she's looking at doing her degree at the college as it's 6k a year instead of 9k and she could stay at home to do it.

She's still not sure on doing the degree, she wants to work with kids, but not as a teacher, so is unsure. Hence why she doesn't want to fork out all uni expenses till she knows what she wants.

Yes he isn't her dad, he's lived with us for 3 years tho and known her 10 years.

We wouldn't move to a forever home yet. If we did I would hope it would be abroad maybe but not until we are ready to settle in one place.

So she can only do a degree if you stay where you are?

missbiggles1

74jax wrote: »

We would probably be moving a little over an hour away driving, so a bit more on public transport.

She isn't going to uni due to costs, I just couldn't afford it, but she's looking at doing her degree at the college as it's 6k a year instead of 9k and she could stay at home to do it.

She's still not sure on doing the degree, she wants to work with kids, but not as a teacher, so is unsure. Hence why she doesn't want to fork out all uni expenses till she knows what she wants.

Yes he isn't her dad, he's lived with us for 3 years tho and known her 10 years.

We wouldn't move to a forever home yet. If we did I would hope it would be abroad maybe but not until we are ready to settle in one place.

Am I muddling you with someone else? I'm sure I've read other threads of yours (I particularly remember one about buying your husband an expensive birthday present) when you said that your family was really well off.

Apologies if that isn't you.

74jax

Jagraf wrote: »

So she can only do a degree if you stay where you are?

Yes, but even that she isn't sure of yet. She's applied to cover all options

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Am I muddling you with someone else? I'm sure I've read other threads of yours (I particularly remember one about buying your husband an expensive birthday present) when you said that your family was really well off.

Apologies if that isn't you.

That's ok, I wish it was :rotfl: Hubby had a very good job etc and is 'well off' I guess, I have a standard office job with regular pay, about 4 times less than him. I would class myself as content, no debts. But no way could I afford university for her at all.

missbiggles1

74jax wrote: »

Yes, but even that she isn't sure of yet. She's applied to cover all options




That's ok, I wish it was :rotfl: Hubby had a very good job etc and is 'well off' I guess, I have a standard office job with regular pay, about 4 times less than him. I would class myself as content, no debts. But no way could I afford university for her at all.

Thanks.

However, you don't have to pay for her as there are loans available and your husband would obviously be expected to contribute to any shortfall in living costs.

IME, doing a degree at a local college is a very poor decision for any young person, particularly if that decision is based on simply on cost.:)

74jax

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Thanks.

However, you don't have to pay for her as there are loans available and your husband would obviously be expected to contribute to any shortfall in living costs.

IME, doing a degree at a local college is a very poor decision for any young person, particularly if that decision is based on simply on cost.:)

I couldn't cover any sort fall, it's simply not an option. Her dad and step dad wouldn't either. Believe me I would love to but can't.

I think if she wanted to be doctor, anything really which NEEDED, a degree then possibly somehow we would look at it, my brother lives near Lancaster uni but she's not interested, but I think she sees it as she doesn't know what she wants to do. She doesn't want a lot of debt. She was looking at apprenticeships last month, but really doesn't know.

We're been to the college and the degree is the same as at uni, it's not a degree which needs to be from a particular uni either to stand out, if you know what I mean.

It's her choice at the end of the day, personally I would rather she took the apprenticeship route if she really doesn't know what she wants to do and I can't see how getting a degree will help that but it's her choice.

I know what you mean though and feel the exactly the same. As does hubby. But I think she sees it as college then a degree.

Anyway slightly off topic

RAS

In which case, if you are not going to be local, she might want to look at studying in Europe. A lot of degrees cost little or nothing in fees and some offer a bursary if you work part-time. And they are taught in English; try Holland or Sweden.

pigpen

She could go to a different college! Why not ask her opinion?? We don't care.. nor do we know if she would intend moving in with a partner or with friends in a shared house or whatever.. you need to discuss it with her.. We are thinking of moving what do you think/feel about it? obviously don't be dictated to by your child who wont be there much longer.. but even if you wait 3 or 4 years until she has finished at college then move would that really make a great deal of difference?

I'm thinking of moving to a bungalow and leaving the children in the house here lol.. I really wish I could sometimes!

Spirit_2

Person_one wrote: »

I take it 'hubby' isn't your daughter's dad? I think you possibly have much more of an instinct to consider her than he does, unavoidably.

I do think you should consider her at least while she's still at sixth form, she's a member of your family, and she's not old enough to move out and choose where she lives, she's stuck with whatever you decide.

Once she's at uni, you can re-assess perhaps? She may decide to stay in halls or in a house share so less crucial for uni/friends to be near the parental home, but she should still be part of the discussion.

^^^this.

40 years ago my parents moved hundreds of miles half way through my 'o' levels. Bu99ered up my education and pitched me into a whole new environment that was hard for me to establish myself in quickly. I did ok but not as well as expected, and did not get entry to the local 6th form. Did FE there before leaving for student life. Never moved back. It was 'home' for 3 years .

If it is possible for your daughter to complete her pre uni education in your current town or can you enable that even if you move? I was offered a home by my older sister but my parents would not agree to it. my dad was moving for work, a voluntary move but none the less essential for them.

in later life my mum, then widowed for a number of years, moved back to our home town saying she never really settled. She picked up with surviving old friends as they had lots of shared experiences and memories.

missbiggles1

74jax wrote: »

I couldn't cover any sort fall, it's simply not an option. Her dad wouldn't either. Believe me I would love to but can't.

I think if she wanted to be doctor, anything really which NEEDED, a degree then possibly somehow we would look at it, my brother lives near Lancaster uni but she's not interested, but I think she sees it as she doesn't know what she wants to do. She doesn't want a lot of debt. She was looking at apprenticeships last month, but really doesn't know.

We're been to the college and the degree is the same as at uni, it's not a degree which needs to be from a particular uni either to stand out, if you know what I mean.

It's her choice at the end of the day, personally I would rather she took the apprenticeship route if she really doesn't know what she wants to do and I can't see how getting a degree will help that but it's her choice.

I know what you mean though and feel the exactly the same. As does hubby. But I think she sees it as college then a degree.

Anyway slightly off topic

It's actually your husband whose responsibility it is to cover the shortfall, not her father.

As you say, off topic.