Buffy's Savings Diary

Pooky

Well done for checking monthly! A reminder to us all to go have a check (pull the curtains first though eh?)

Let us know how you get on x

juliejim

Thinking of you Buffy - keep us posted

tattycath

Huge (((hugs))) Buffy.
If this helps at all, I found a lump about 15 years ago and I was scared. I did need a lumpectomy to be sure but it turned out to be a calcium lump and nothing to worry about. Fingers crossed for you. Xxxx

Sun_Addict

Oh Buffy how scary for you Hopefully it's just a cyst - Mr SA's sister had one last year and it turned out to be nothing. On the other side of the coin one of my work friends has just been diagnosed with breast cancer but it has been caught early and the doctors don't foresee any problems with clearing it so now the initial shock has worn off she isn't so worried. Thank goodness you check regularly and a lesson to us all.

Buffythedebtslayer

Thank you ALL. Thank God you are here.

Bizarrely I can't find the lump today. but trust me when I say I so freaked out I am off to doctors tomorrow before my tutoring to make an appointment.

Had another difficult conversation with Mum re my birthday and my sister.

Basically, Mum gave them more than half of my birthday cake.

Now, before you all say grow up! I KNOW IT DOESN'T matter. I just felt like the whole night my sister was doing me some kind of favour coming over and that it is all a bit pointless, she took home food but will most likely throw it away. She doesn't treat mum like an equal and behaves as tho she is a silly old lady - in of her BF and then acts normally in front of Mum. They were both in the kitchen whispering and carried on whispering when I came in..........I was like what? in the kitchen whispering like children.

I wasn't going to say anything to mum but then I opened the fridge and saw that the cake was three quarters gone and was like why? (conversation spiralled from there!) And mum just looked confused and I felt/feel terrible and I still don't understand why but think it is because she felt they were doing me a favour coming over and the bf really likes chocolate cake........It makes me feel like everything is done around them and not upsetting them. I am so tired of !!!!! footing round.

Anyhow Mum sort of suggested that I wasn't happy with my life and that was partly why I felt this way re my sister.

I was a good daughter and didn't say too much to that, let her think she is right - nothing could ever be my sister fault you see, it is all me and how I understand things. (In part maybe she is right, but honestly, I am not so unhappy. I was feeling quite positive about stuff till yesterday) I can't really disabuse my mother of that. A life lived of things for show and hiding feelings and pretending all is well is what she taught one of her daughters - not me nor my older sister and this is the result. A constant putting on a show and stuffing things in cupboards both real and metaphorically and the results are fake awkward get togethers and no real feeling of love or contentment.

I miss my friends.

I am off out in the garden to do things.

take care XXXX

Sun_Addict

It was your cake so your mum should've asked you before giving it away. It's the principle of it, you're not being childish.

tattycath

I don't think you're being childish. I would not have been happy about it either.

Buffythedebtslayer

Sun_Addict wrote: »

It was your cake so your mum should've asked you before giving it away. It's the principle of it, you're not being childish.

tattycath wrote: »

I don't think you're being childish. I would not have been happy about it either.

thank you guys. I feel immense guilt for bringing it up now! Mum is very down about the fact that her three daughters don't really get along. And she implied that I didn't like either sister which isn't true....I don't understand the one that lives here. I love the older one even tho she drives me bat !!!! crazy.

Anyhow post garden and quiet reflection over fish pond there is little point in hoping for change. My poor Mum, it all makes her so unhappy. So plan is minimal contact with sister and bf as it just leaves me confused. Do the (bloody) garden as much as possible and the house.

Meanwhile in my life, I need to start doing stuff. Tried clearing one part of the garden today. nearly killed me and pretty much killed a goldfish. However the rest of the fish are doing well. Also a rose bush was planted

XXXX

beanielou

Cerbtainly was not expecting to read this Bufster.
Take care xxx

milasavesmoney

Thank goodness my mom had passed on when my only sister decided to dump me. It would have broken her heart. My sister moved to another state and didn't even tell me or leave any word that she was moving. It hurt me to the bone but now I realize that she never really liked me and I'm not stressed having to be around her. It shouldn't be that way in families, but sometimes it just is a fact of life. I hate it, wish very much it was different, but it isn't and after many years of grieving, I've accepted the situation.
I just hate this for you Buffy, but what a fine loving person you are that you would put your mother first!
It's hard to always be the giver, and never get to receive but it's the higher ground your taking and that makes you an awesome individual!!:T:T:T:T