Buffy's Savings Diary

Pooky

I admire people that give it a try and have the courage to say...."nope, not for me.....next!" rather than stick at it for years because it's "sensible". Life is going to carry on regardless of whether you're a department head or a temp - if being a temp is going to make you as financially secure and give you some freedom to travel and overall make you happy then you're on to a winner.

I spent a very long time doing what was expected of me and being so miserable I could have walked off the edge of the cliff daily but the day I woke up thinking that no, this wasn't going to carry on was the day I made it change. Scary as hell and no financial security at all (most of my friends are avid financial planny types who have the next 20 years mapped out - where as I'm still winging it).

This time next year you could be teaching your way across the world, you could be working in a supermarket to supplement your tutoring or you could be married and on your honeymoon.

Or this time next year you could be saying exactly the same thing and wondering when the best time is to take that chance.

There_Is_a_Light

Wise words from Pooky. I think that the life you want to have it out there Buffy, you just have to decide that you can have it. If you worked as supply or tutor you would have more time to socialise and maybe meet that boyfriend. Clever and kind people like you will always find opportunities............there are not many of you around

There_Is_a_Light

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

Now all you have to do is believe you deserve it and don't self sabotage.

Also what she said ^^^^^

You deserve to have a fantastic life, free from worry and stress.

Buffythedebtslayer

I think step one is to stand down as head of dept.

I would send the e mail today, but it will annoy my boss, so lets not do that! I'll do it tomorrow morning. Don't want to ruin his Sunday or have him ring me!

That way I can focus on the teaching and planning and not the nonsense or stress of the responsibility.

Got up early and packed the car for the charity shop, feeling all accomplished only to discover my local shops aren't open on Sundays! Then had a massive breakfast. now feel so weird and shaky. most odd!

Still I can type can't be all bad!

XX

Buffythedebtslayer

Spent the day doing some light tidying and serious napping. I couldn't sleep last night and had felt rotten all day.

Need a list for the rest of the day.

1. old CD holder to shed along with bits left over from sorting the rabbit proofing.
2. hoover upstairs
3. clean the bathroom
4. sort clothes for tomorrow
5. put together guinea pig run (one of my girls is getting very fat!)
6. Marking. Planning for the week...

Buffythedebtslayer

There_Is_a_Light wrote: »

Also what she said ^^^^^

You deserve to have a fantastic life, free from worry and stress.

We all deserve that, XX

Buffythedebtslayer

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Spent the day doing some light tidying and serious napping. I couldn't sleep last night and had felt rotten all day.

Need a list for the rest of the day.

1. old CD holder to shed along with bits left over from sorting the rabbit proofing. Done
2. hoover upstairs Done
3. clean the bathroom Half done - didn't really need doing!
4. sort clothes for tomorrow done
5. put together guinea pig run (one of my girls is getting very fat!) not done
6. Marking. Planning for the week.. doing now!

Good news, not being observed next week! which is a relief.

need to crack on with a few things but just remembered Steph - her diary on here not read it for a while..........

Buffythedebtslayer

Boss looked like he was going to have a heart attack so decided not to tell him.

It really is like working in a bad Carry on Film. Mental. UTTERLY MENTAL

And that is all I am going to say about work.

I am going to watch Elementary, mark some books(big !!!!ing surprise) and then try to go to sleep. I really need sleep. My perspective is shot, am so irrational!!

beanielou

Just like my life Buffster.
My perspective is so dire & I am so irrational, cheesed off & frankly angry.

Buffythedebtslayer

I don't honestly think I can cope.

One of the guinea pigs is ill. She looked "different" monday, nothing I could put my finger on but I thought something was wrong. Worked late Tuesday, Vet shut Wednesday. And then she started with the diarrhoea.......and I had to work till 7 today - more like 7.30.............so I called and e mailed the vets. And they let me drop her off and leave her there for the day. Will cost a bomb. oh well. Mum had to pick her up which was a nightmare.

Then on the way to work post vets, late for work, the (new to me) car overheats. SO I had a very stressful drive with the stop light flashing on the dashboard.

Fine. Get to work teach an SEN group, teach another SEN group. Set cover for absent teacher, phone mechanic, phone vets, do photocopying(in break), teach gcse class, top set year nine,make another round of phone calls, realise I haven't eaten, go downstairs, nearly throw up. teach another lesson. phone AA, spend one hour in the cold whilst a wonderful man temporarily fixes my car. Half a sandwich, a few sips of water, sit down for almost 3 hours for parents evening. thank God for the prefects serving tea.

drive car home whilst racing against the temp gauge, get to mechanics who thank God drove me home.

the thing is, is now that sounds kinda farcical and stressful but ultimatley I am home I am lucky and the GP is alive if not doing great. However, both times I nearly lost it today was down to mum. She just cannot cope at in all in a crisis. She said she couldn't pick the GP up from the vets cos she can't have animals in the rent a car This was the first thing - me nearly in tears terrified I was leaving my pet in agony all day because of my stupid job. Please bear in mind that I asked with the back up plan of me leaving work and having to go back for parents eve and said that immediately, to which she said oh dont be silly, I will have to do it.

WELL IF THAT IS THE !!!!ING CASE WHY DID YOU BOTHER HAVING A BLOODY FIT ABOUT PICKING HER UP????

DO NOT CALL ME SILLY. I HAD TO SOLVE THE !!!!ING PROBLEM. I WOULD HAVE DONE.

I know she is old and I know she gets confused but I she will never admit that and I get so tired of having to work round it. I can never have a crisis or have any !!!!ing helping me. And if I do I have to soooooooooooooooooooooo grateful.

And then tonight we had a row about the bloody shopping and I am sitting with chest pains. She won't say what she wants or wants to do or tell me what she is doing. I spend my life second guessing her.

and don't get me started on the car.

I know people are worse off. I know I am not in Syria and I am warm and safe but I don't feel it. I waiting for the next !!!!!! thing to happen.

The money which has solved a lot of problems is great and I guess all the crap is balanced out by that good fortune but sometimes I want a glass of wine a hug and it is ok. I will take care of it. I want someone who loves me.