Buffy's Savings Diary

Buffythedebtslayer

It is regarding work,

I am a head of dept - given my age and experience it was about time.

Thing is I don't want it. That is the first thing. Only been doing it since September and not enjoying it. I feel out of my depth, I mostly think it is pointless and bureaucratic. Analysis of results that needs to be done in a certain way - helpful only to Ofsted of course. I have (surprisingly!!) analysed results for years which is apparently not good enough........I could rant for England on this.

I have been asked to tutor 2 kids, which would replace the money I get for head of dept. In fact it would more than replace it (which should just show you how crap the money is).

I have thought about it before - when I first broke my ankle.

hang on dinner is ready. will be back to finish in a bit xx

Post dinner .

The general question is do I stand down? It would mean less hassle, fewer meetings, less direct pressure, no crappy unexpected "do this" things....

Actually I think I do. I would have to leave at the end of the year. And my line manager would be disappointed. Which might be difficult.

The thing is, this is a bit of a turning point as if I give up the promotion then that will mean I am a teacher for ever. I would need to go back to an agency for work - which is not an issue but in the short term I would be earning less than I have from teaching for about 4 years.......maybe from September I would earn more.......maybe not.

scaredy_cat

i think a lot of us forget that we should work to live not live to work. You need to enjoy what you do. and enjoy your leisure time as well.

throwing an idea out there, have you thought about being a full time tutor? which you can make more money, choose your hours?

[/QUOTE]what I mean is I forget that things can change. All things about possible. As I often tell my kids if you want something badly enough you will get it. It is the wanting it that is the key.[/QUOTE]
this is true but we also need to ut the effort in and sometimes take a big risk and step out of our comfort one. And i admit that i am a bit scared to do this. Change is scary.

Buffythedebtslayer

Change is terrifying. Remember how long it took me to leave my previous job!

When I say wanting, I mean that in terms of motivation and commitment, I don't mean idly wanting some thing. In my life there have been two things I clearly remember wanting.

1. Uni
2. becoming a teacher.

I learnt to drive out of fear and got my Masters through sheer bloody mindedness. But I did want them both on some level.

I have never wanted to lose weight

I am beginning to understand the point of decluttering so want that more.

XX

scaredy_cat

i think part of my problem is that i give up wanting quite easily - iyswim

Buffythedebtslayer

I don't know, I think it is possibly that we don't know what it is we want or maybe we won't admit to even ourselves what we want in case that means also admitting we might not get it.

mothernerd

I'm listening but not going to tell you what to do. Think you should keep pondering and believe the 'possibility'. Imagine what you would do if there were no limitations, only possibilities.

beanielou

I have been driven to the decluttering by the dire events of last weekend.
Sheer anger frustration & sadness drove me.Pure & simple.
A very very long time coming .

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou wrote: »

I have been driven to the decluttering by the dire events of last weekend.
Sheer anger frustration & sadness drove me.Pure & simple.
A very very long time coming .

I get that. that has motivated me fairly often actually! I do think although anger is an uncomfortable emotion for us it does reveal some truth, like what we want or need in the moment or even long term.

Buffythedebtslayer

mothernerd wrote: »

I'm listening but not going to tell you what to do. Think you should keep pondering and believe the 'possibility'. Imagine what you would do if there were no limitations, only possibilities.

So no limits? Running a successful department..... wearing (I know this is silly) smart clothes not cardigans! and heels not flats.....I am early for work and am only carrying my handbag and lunch.........Marking is done regularly and I have done my planning in half term chunks.

Holidays planned for each break, with my sexy new boyfriend who is not a teacher but doesn't mind paying through the nose for holiday,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

See I get to this point and think.......really?

No.........In reality that would not be how it worked at all. I don't know a single teacher who could manage the job like that. I only even wrote that because I have a slight crush on my line manager and hate the thought of letting him down. I could earn similar money and get just as much job satisfaction from being a temp teacher.

And I can take holidays during term time! And I really want to travel more.

Beyond that I own a buy to let, which provides an income which in turn pays off the mortgage/loan. I save money and take care of my health, I cook! I do have a man in my life and if I am more lucky than I dare hope children. My house is tidy and organised. Mum is happy - either living with me or my sister. My husband and I are team, we work together. I see my friends regularly and I have stuff I do, that I enjoy.

I feel my life is meaningful and that I have a purpose, there is a point to me working. I love and feel loved. If I am stressed it is fleeting and put right in days not months. I am not saying there won't be problems but I am saying I would lose this out of depth drowning feeling I have. It would no longer be my permanent companion.

there you go, that is what I am aiming for.

XX

in_need_of_direction

Now all you have to do is believe you deserve it and don't self sabotage.