Buffy's Savings Diary

Buffythedebtslayer

ok. So need to pay Mum for the Sainsbury's order, mark various assessments and meet my friend for coffee/ breakfast, I am a bit nervous to be going out and will take my crutches with me!

I need to get Mum something else for Christmas......got her a teasmaid, Body shop stuff, ornament things, need a something else..........

Nearly got my friends sorted - scented candle, exfoliating gloves, shower gel each and then a night dress, a book and one my thing for my best mate.

probably need to get my sister something too. dvd boxset, half a radio (with Mum) body shop stuff, a book about drawing.

sister's bf - clock, socks X 2, quiz books, set of cards, chocolates.
oh and half of something with Mum (not sure what!)

Am watching a Hitchcock film - Frenzy, really good. REALLY disturbing. not the best thing to watch late at night.

Bloody hell it is good (TWIST!!!)

need to get ready for bed!

XX

beanielou

Buffy---I really don't think that you need to
get anyone anything else!!!!

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou wrote: »

Buffy---I really don't think that you need to
get anyone anything else!!!!

yeah you might have a point there Beanie.

I am officially bored. RIGID.

My best living near me friend is in a mess. Not really as, a bit like most of us here I suspect a bit too introspective, thinks too much about herself - I don't mean self obsessed I mean too self critical, constantly trying to figure out what is what and you do what you do. Hopefully it is just a Christmas thing. Difficult to know what to say to her. One of those things where it she needs to go through it. well I think so today. I shall keep an eye on her.

My best friend with small people is having a bit of s struggle too. So frustrating that I can't get to her. I would love to go see her. I send her text messages but it is hardly the same.

Christmas. well. doesn't feel like it. I am tired and frankly in pain. too hot , too cold. too messy. Need to have so much done for Tuesday for work. And then my friends Christmas gathering on Saturday.. (so need to have loads done for Friday)Not looking forward to that at all (as usual) remember last year? I swore I wouldn't go again! But I have broken my foot and I am not going anywhere else - so no excuse can be made.

So very kindly my lovely friend has offered to bring me and take me home. It is lovely and I do need to see my best living miles away friend. Like really need to see her so it is good really. Even tho I am doing something I don't want to do- if you see what I mean. in fact I am lucky they still want me around. Old friends are the best friends in a lot of ways.

It will be fine. I think now it is clear there is no marriage/kids journey for me I had best get used to being around families and their lives and kids. Just something else to suck up and get the !!!! on with.

Also need to do a load of stuff for the house. no tree up yet.

You make these choices, terrible men, no men, more terrible men stubborn independence, you get an education beyond that of basically everyone you grew up with and that takes you out of that world - which is fine cos that is what you wanted. You fashion yourself as so independent and single minded. And that is great. Marvellous in fact. But I have never mellowed. It has always been me. And at times like this when my life is disrupted it is horrible. I have had to ask help! the horror. And I am only half joking!

I told myself that the right man would chip through the walls and all that crap but the reality is I have spent the last 5 years working two jobs, 10 years before that in a job that took all my time and energy. If there had been a guy he would never have met me! I was always working.

I see it in other female teachers of that awkward age. We worked, we love our job, teaching - not networking to a consultancy or being in senior leadership. And it sucks us in. And we wake up ten years later saying oh? no one to go on holiday with? or spend Christmas with? oh. ok. and feel a bit shell shocked. I am sure once my foot is better these thoughts will fade and as I get on with stuff I will be ok.

Wow. Feeling super sorry for myself tonight. It is mainly the foot. missing work. missing my friends. missing the annoying little bat finks I teach. missing *my life*. Doing everything at the moment depends on the foot(!) and Mum. Oh and Amazon.

right feel better for getting that out there. Going to eat a jam doughnut. cos.........well. It's there

XXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

in other less bollocky introspective news my finances...did a kinda overview of extras.

Jan - car tax (!) and insurance (stupid time to buy a bloody car!)
Feb- Prime charge/ nephew's birthday
March - Easter
April - Mum's birthday
May - Sister's birthday
June - other sister's birthday
July - end of year expenses/summer clothes.
August - Summer expenses
September - back to work clothes.
October - Beauty products/make up - yes I know!
November - Christmas/ BiL's birthday
December - Christmas

Buffythedebtslayer

Next year I want to save 450 a month. This year it has been 350.

Am going to need to save a 100 for car insurance a month - didn't mange that at all this year. well I did but then I switched my system and kind of sodded it up.

also want an emergency fund......... Maybe I pay less to the ISA? for a few months to get the ef back up.

must go to bed now - bit early but need sleep and routine. Big plans for tomorrow. sorting out the new rabbit cage......see bet you are all jealous

beanielou

Maybe the way to look at it is that you are lucky enough most of the time to not need to rely on other people which is good. I often need to sadly.

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou wrote: »

Maybe the way to look at it is that you are lucky enough most of the time to not need to rely on other people which is good. I often need to sadly.

Yeah. that is true, Thing is - as this ankle crap shows we all need people and I think I have a habit of shutting people out? Being bound and determined to be private - like my mother is......

And ultimately there has to be a balance.

hmmm. Brain thinking too much!!

Buffythedebtslayer

TOday is not a good day. AT ALL.

Mum and I are rubbing each other up the wrong way. too much time spent together and me being too aware of how bad things really are. breaking my heart. I can see the effort she puts on for my sister when she comes over and how much it takes out of her.

Of course this crashing realisation is only possible because I fractured my foot and can see how little she can cope with.

Exactly at the first time in my life I feel this genuinely vulnerable and alone. As in I can't leave the house at all and as this is Mum's house and she doesn't do visitors I can't even have any friends pop round... Even tho I loathe driving I miss the freedom.

SO thanks for that universe.

Any how despite being tearful and achy I am determined to sort the rabbits new cage out.

having said that mum has just said something else rubbish. She doesn't mean it and everything comes from love (And fear. loads of fear, I know this) and I have had 3 hours sleep tops (bloody foot!)

so actually maybe it makes more sense to nap and not be tired and hungry.

that's what the fly lady would say, Halt! are you hungry? angry? lonely, tired/thirsty.

thanks flylady, I shall finish my tea and do that for a couple of hours, then vets, then marking.................

XXXX

mothernerd

Sending hugs Buffy. Yes you are ill, do what you need to recuperate - extra sleep, when ever you can manage it.

Buffythedebtslayer

thanks


as predicted I felt much better after a nap! I will be off to bed soon but wanted to pop in with facts and figures. Cos I am exciting like that.


Current cc bill is 241


have 60 quid's worth of stuff in the Amazon basket.....ahem 20 quid of that is guinea pig medication. Don't want to run out and can't exactly get to the vets at the moment!


don't know what to get my best friend.
nor her kids really.


also still haven't worked out how much I owe Mum for Sainsbury's and still need stuff........ironically chocolates for Mum! and Sister. and kids...........


I get paid on 18th but don't really if you see what I mean. I have two quid left from this month and have put aside 268 pounds so far for the cc bill......so I think I should be ok.


not being able to go out or get stuff out to look at or move up or downstairs means planning is difficult. Think you have a handle on this Christmas and you haven't!


Stone cold ten. Utah 7. I LOVE Modern Family.


And the ending just scared me so I am taking that as a sign to go to bed!! it is 12:47. how did that happen??