Quit everything , and start again over 50?

Vermillion

Just come across this thread and wanted to give you some advice from a very close friend of mine who went through something similar - actually she used to a contributor on here as well!

About three years ago they sold up in Northants and moved to Northumberland and for a while it worked out really well. Huge move etc the dogs, horses the whole caboodle. Last year, after getting the house they bought finally finished, she found a big amount of time on her hands and this happened in the late Autumn / winter of last year. She had not made any friends up there as such because things were a bit manic. Then of course there were family and friends visiting and then it all stopped. Not in a bad way, but it was just the time of year and she felt very lonely - she doesn't work now BTW.

Okay she has her husband, but he transferred with his job so he is glad of the peace and quiet when he gets home! Anyway, to cut it short she joined the WI started making some friends there and has made progress. It's not going to be easy I don't think it ever is making such a big relocation, but stay realistic. Other thing you may want to think about it the property market in Twickenham and London generally could at least double again in the next eight/ten years it depends on how you view your health if you want to take that hit and get your own place or even rent!

another_casualty

Thanks for that vermillion;)
It's difficult at times to describe things in a forum . Yes, it is scary and daunting for me.
However, I have had 10 wasted years ( cue songs ). When I was in bands , being in Twickenham was ok. Not being able to drive is a bt restriction I find. I find things very lonely now and if I don't do something , I will probably die of a heart attack ( overweight and job ).
The only mistake I seem to have made , was to keep remortgaging and go into debt.

If I do the move , I intend to make things happen .
Working part time as already mentioned is a start . I then want to see a personal instructor like I did many years ago. Do yoga and Pilates .
Then I want to watch some pub bands . Then join a couple of bands for fun and company . Not bothered a about gigging . Then go on power walks.
Then go on weekend breaks , maybe holidays.
Haven't been on a decent holiday for 19 years. Only Eire to see my sick mum, who passed away last year.

My brother( who is 10 years older) works nights , and retires next year.
He stays in bed all weekend and goes to the pubs for the last hour.
5 years of him complaining , and not making noise in my own place I can see how steptoes son was feeling

I used to like working in the west end/ Holborn or the strand . Working in the city ( building site) is so annoying .
I'll be 54 in December . I could wait till I 'retire'(67 at the moment) to downsize. In twickenham because of my debts I couldn't downsize yet.

Changing jobs is risky TBH and if I did , it would be more work / less salary.
I'm sick of all that .

I think ive covered everything ?;)

another_casualty

Nearly forgot the doctors / hsp etc. So used to a good practice . If anything happens to me, I'll be isolated. Oh well...

anna_1977

sounds like you really need to get your ar*e down to Poole and sharpish to start that new life

another_casualty

You understand
Thank you

lessonlearned

Hi AC.

Remember me.........we chatted last year. I'm the one who took an extended holiday to the Caribbean.

If you remember I too had had ten years of hell, caring for my husband, his death and then just 7 months later my mums death., then trying to sort out my elderly father.

Well here's an update.

I took time out and had a 33 day cruise around the Carjbbean, had a nice long rest, and some warm sunshine. Bliss. I had plenty of thinking time and I also took my iPad with me.

On The last week I had a real surge of energy and started writing my memoirs, I'm about half way through, not touched them since I got back, but time enough.

CAme back in time for Christmas. SInce then I have helped my dad move and got him nicely settled (he's 90), I have had a major declutter, I have got steadily stronger and fitter, tackling some overdue health issues.

My eldest son gets married in May. Once that is done and dusted I will then start house hunting and the next stage of my life.

AC I tell you all this not to brag but to show you that it can be done, it just takes a bit of time. I still have a bit further to go health and weight wise but I'm getting There.

I'm sorry to hear that you are still struggling with your illness. All that commuting can't be helping, no wonder you get so tired. Hope you get the drugs sorted out and you start to feel better soon.

I would just reiterate what someone else said earlier in the thread about advice.

Not all advice is unbiased, and it seems that your brothers negativity is not helping you. You have to decide what is right for you, not what your brother or some of your friends think is right. Advice and feedback can be useful but ultimately you are the one who has to live with the decisions. It's all down to you.

My tuppence worth is this.........your health is Paramount and your current lifestyle is probably not helping you get better. You are 54 - retirement at 67 is 13 years away. 13 years is a long time to be miserable, unfit and unhealthy. If you delay too long you health may only deteriorate and you might not be well enough to make the lifestyle changes you want to make.

What are you waiting for.........divine inspiration.:rotfl:

I think it's time for a gentle kick up the derrière - time for you to focus and move forward.

Not being unkind but what have you got........what is so fabulous about your life right now......you dislike your job, you can't afford to have a holiday, you have no real social life, you are unwell.......and so it goes.

Time to start making some changes. Spring is here. If you cant afford the gym then get outside. I have now started walking, gardening and just getting out in the sunshine. It feels great.

As for the "if something happened to you you would be isolated" ........that's just plain negativity and you know it. .

Ask yourself this......what would happen if something happens to you in your present curcumstances. If you got really sick and couldn't work would you be any less isolated in Twickemham than you would anywhere else. You currently live alone anyway so what's the difference.

If you make the move sooner rather than later you will have more chance of reclaiming your health and reducing the risk of "something happening to you" than if you maintain your current unhealthy and stressful lifestyle.

Come On AC. Stop procrastinating, start making some changes and get ready to start living. You know what you are missing, you know what you want to do, you can see how you want to live.

Do you want it enough. If the answer is really yes, then it's time to make it happen.

Sell the flat and get cracking. Chose a location, rent something cheap and cheerful in your chosen location, clear the debts, have a mini sabbatical whilst you get fit and healthy. Then find a nice part time job and then finally invest in a property where you can create a nice comfortable home.

Build yourself a new life, with new friends, hobbies and interests. Perhaps at some point you might be well enough and strong enough to work full time again. If not just work part time and enjoy your life to the full.

You only get one chance at life. Take a leap of faith and Carpe that Diem.

another_casualty

Lesson learned! What can I say ?;)
It's great to hear from you again . I am delighted that things are panning out for you . You have packed quite a lot into your life since last being on here . That's inspiration in itself
You do sound like one of my friends who tells me the plain truth.
I thank you a thousand times over;)
I am nearly choking on my coffee ( in cafe Nero of course);)

Yesterday , I painted two walls in my flat . One in the hallway and one in the living room. Found it a little hard going on the muscles.
Can't believe I painted 2 bedrooms in 2 days last year, when I was suspended. At that time only 1 eye was functioning properly;)

Just have the kitchen bathroom and ceiling in the hallway to do.
Then I declutter loft .After that the flat goes up for sale;)

Sometime in May and in June , I will check out the area in branksone .
I've asked my friend to help me on two mornings( midweek).
If that all pans out . That is where I will be heading.

People at work ask about how my weekend was. I always tell them, that I am having a boring year to recover after the worst year of my life.
But, if I can bring things forward , this year could be where everything happens.
Hope all goes well with your dad/ som etc;)

Thanks to others reading this also. Keep giving your input wherever possible

lessonlearned

Well done on the decorating......that's fantastic progress.

Ok so it's taking longer these days. TBH I'm the same. Used to be able to do a whole room in a weekend - now it takes me best part of a fortnight. Hey it gets done, that's what counts......

I too am just having a cup of coffee, best Colombian......I'm a coffee snob........but I'm at home today, sorting out my wardrobe, cleaning and cooking a nice supper.

Branksome is lovely......I used to visit friends there. In fact all along that coast is pretty good and not too far to London for visits. I shall be heading down to Lyme Regis in June or July myself. Just a bit further west. Later in the year I'll be heading to Devon.

I have friends all over the UK and this is the year I plan to go visiting - I've not seen some of them since my husband's funeral. My fault but I didn't feel up to it before.

I'm off to stay with a lady I met on my Holiday for a few days this week. Should be fun.

Your weekends may seem boring at the moment but sometimes you do need time to regroup, recharge your batteries and hone your masterplan.......

Keep your eyes on the prize and just stay focussed.......all will be well.

another_casualty

I feel really weird today ( in a good way). Just exchanged txt with my friend in branksome . If all goes well, I'll be seeing him mid May to checkout the area. If I really like it , I will double check in June .

I may take Friday off as holiday , to paint kitchen or bathroom. I hate bank holidays, but I may be enthusiastic on Friday .

There is a restructure at work. Boss is fine , but I have to liaise with horrible people soon.
Look forward to handing in my notice. Probably summer.

It's finally dawned that I'm making a decision

Cheers

lessonlearned

:T:T:T

Well done. Exciting times ahead.

There's nothing like having a clear cut plan of action to make you feel better.

Today I'm sanding down worktops and re-oiling them, touching up paintwork and sloshing a bit of emulsion around. Just stopped for a lunch break.