Christmas present - fair or not?

JIL

It sounds like your husband is not that keen himself.
You as a family have the perfect excuse. This year the pregnancy, next year and the year after the twins.
Are you really that bothered about a Christmas present? If the sister in law just wants to be able to buy an 'easy' gift, then ask her to make a donation to charity or buy a charity goat in your name.
I'm sure you can do something with the parents in-law once the twins have made their arrival and things have settled down,it doesn't have to be the theatre.

coolcait

pinkshoes wrote: »

One of my inlaws (SIL) gets me, DH snd DS Christmas theatre (panto) tickets (as/in lieu of Christmas gifts) . MIL snd FIL then tag along too. The idea was that we could go do something together as a family.

DS is only 4 and not keen on loud noises, so spends most the show cuddling me!! He enjoys the interval icecream the most. DH isn't keen but goes along with it.

This year she wants to do the same, but I will be at least 34 weeks pregnant with twins, so she said that just DH and DS could go.

..

I've amended your original post to include information which you posted later in the thread.


When I first read your OP, it seemed possible/likely that the tickets were bought by one of your parents-in-law.


Since that's not the case, I wonder how they feel about this annual ritual?


If they are not particularly keen on it, you are not particularly keen on it, your OH isn't particularly keen on it, and your DS basically hates it, maybe it's time for all four of you who are adults to present a united front to the SIL.


If the parents-in-law like getting the panto tickets, then this is an opportunity for your SIL to make it their present, just for them - rather than having them 'tag along' with you, your OH and your DS, on a gift which none of you want or appreciate.

pinkshoes

coolcait wrote: »

When I first read your OP, it seemed possible/likely that the tickets were bought by one of your parents-in-law.


Since that's not the case, I wonder how they feel about this annual ritual?


If they are not particularly keen on it, you are not particularly keen on it, your OH isn't particularly keen on it, and your DS basically hates it, maybe it's time for all four of you who are adults to present a united front to the SIL.


If the parents-in-law like getting the panto tickets, then this is an opportunity for your SIL to make it their present, just for them - rather than having them 'tag along' with you, your OH and your DS, on a gift which none of you want or appreciate.

MIL loves the whole family event thing, hence she is very keen on SIL's gift. They wouldn't go on their own.

I love going, but dislike seeing DS freaked out. I am sure he will enjoy it more when he is older! DH goes because he is expected to lol! His brother refused last year so MIL got upset!

I have "compromised" and said I will be able to go to the very first show, as it starts well before Christmas so I will be 32 weeks pregnant and should be ok. Hopefully SIL can get tickets to that one!

I just find her attitude of 'tough, we will go without you' rather rude, but obviously her being very close to her mum, she will prioritise what her mum wants over anyone else.

I never expect Xmas presents - a donation to an animal charity instead would be more than welcome!

Jagraf

- how about them taking your son, and you and OH spending a relaxing day on your own doing something else?

My parents love spending time with just our DD without me there, spoiling her :cool:, and I know my MIL loves seeing my OH on his own (although he's not quite so keen!).

duchy

Jagraf wrote: »

- how about them taking your son, and you and OH spending a relaxing day on your own doing something else?

My parents love spending time with just our DD without me there, spoiling her :cool:, and I know my MIL loves seeing my OH on his own (although he's not quite so keen!).

I think the OP covered that as her son is still at an age to get freaked out by the panto villians and the grandparents aren't in her opinion capable of understanding this or dealing with it so there's the potential for him to get very upset indeed.

My opinion is SIL is just thoughtless and lazy. I assume she's childless herself so has no idea how uncomfortable travelling and havng to sit in a theatre seat can be when heavily pregnant. This is just an easy present her Mum likes and she hasn't considered you and your family at all OP.

In your shoes I'd have simply said I didn't want to be so far from home so late in pregnancy as twins are more prone to be premature and that your doctor agrees with your stance and thinks it isn't medically advisable- and of course your husband couldn't possibly leave you alone at home as he'd just spoil it for everyone else worrying about you the whole time. Actually it should be your husband telling HIS family this -not leaving it to you.

Most places have amateur theatre groups who put on shows in smaller enviroments is there nothing on a smaller scale locally you could suggest instead so the GPs still have the pleasure of a Christmas treat that probably harks back to their own childhood but without the travelling ? Surely that would be a better compromise. Me I'd be worried about ending up in a strange hospital in labour so wouldn't make a non vital journey so late in pregnancy - but then I'd also expecti n inlaws to have considered that and not just tried to exclude me . I don't think is anything to do with the panto but more about their general attitude to you really.

VfM4meplse

Congratulations, OP. I hope you're taking good care of yourself.

duchy wrote: »

My opinion is SIL is just thoughtless and lazy.

I doubt the SIL would see it that way. She thinks she's doing something nice for the family and is unlikely to react well to having the gesture thrown back in her face.

There are deeper underlying issues here - perhaps address them honestly with your OH's family before your babies arrive, OP? Consider and set expectations as to how they will feature in your life when your family expands, as soon as possible. Because you certainly don't want any additional stress with two newborns.

FBaby

Your suggestion to go at 32 weeks is a very reasonable compromise. You can also maybe see how it could be made more comfortable to you, ie. taking taxis when you might otherwise taken the bus etc...

Mojisola

duchy wrote: »

In your shoes I'd have simply said I didn't want to be so far from home so late in pregnancy as twins are more prone to be premature and that your doctor agrees with your stance and thinks it isn't medically advisable- and of course your husband couldn't possibly leave you alone at home as he'd just spoil it for everyone else worrying about you the whole time. Actually it should be your husband telling HIS family this -not leaving it to you.

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I doubt the SIL would see it that way. She thinks she's doing something nice for the family and is unlikely to react well to having the gesture thrown back in her face.

If, given the explanation above, the SIL thought her gift was being 'thrown back at her', that really is her problem to get over.

Most people would be mortified that they had been suggesting such an outing so late in a twin pregnancy without thinking it through.

Spendless

Is the imminent arrival of your twins the time to say you are cutting down on Christmas presents outside the very immediate family as things are going to be tighter financially with 3 kids and you realise how expensive it will be for other people and you don't expect them to be buying for a family of 5.

pickledonionspaceraider

I think for this year, it is already organised etc, so not really a lot you can do about it.

However immediately afterwards I would speak to SIL and Parents in law and say that it is the last time you will be going for the foreseeable due to having twins - if you mention it very early , so tickets have not been purchased etc, then shouldn't be a problem