Christmas present - fair or not?

TBagpuss

it's thoughtless, but the thing about gifts is that you don't get to pick what they are. Try to look at as you would if they gave you something else you didn't want / need; it happens. You smile, thank them for the thought, and move on.

IT may be easier of you think of it as grandparents taking their grandson out for a christmas treat, rather than as a christmas gift for the family.

Could your husband suggest to his parents that *they* take your son to the pantomime as a Christmas treat, and perhaps make some suggestions as thongs which each of you individully, or you as a family would like?

(also, what is the norm in your husbands family regarding gifts? Is it usual for adults to give big gifts to each other or is it more usual for kids to get gifts with token presents for adults?

A third option might be to point out that it won't be practical for you to go to the theatre at christmas due to the pregnancy, but that you and DH would love theatre tokens so you can go out as a couple once the babies are old enough.

gettingtheresometime

pinkshoes wrote: »

But I will be having "ME" time every single day on maternity leave as DS is at school, hence the point of spending the last few weekends doing stuff together before the babies arrive.

I appreciate other people prefer 'me time', but I would much rather spend as much time with DS as possible before he has to share me!!

The inlaws will have loads of opportunities to spend time with DS if they like after the birth, as DS will need looking after while I am in hospital.

(And if they do not want to, I have my own family and many friends willing to help, just before anyone things I would take the inlaws offer of help for granted!)

Has anyone actually told them that your son is scared sh!tless and doesn't enjoy the show?

Our son had a fear of Mr Blobby when he was younger and even the sight of Noel Edmunds, on other shows, would send him off in a major screaming fit.

If either set of grandparents had continued to buy tickets for any show with either Mr Blobby or Noel Edmunds given that they knew it had this reaction he wouldn't have gone.

FBaby

At that age, what your DS didn't like last year, he might love this year. Is it a pantomine? Or is it a show that could wait until the birth to go to and they could just take your DS then?

I do find it quite inconsiderate, but not enough to make a fuss over it, especially at this time when you should be relaxing, so would just let them get on with it. It is only a day, so surely not the end of the world in terms of what you will miss away from DS.

Spendless

My sister had her twins at 33 weeks pregnant, so unless you are talking theatre vouchers, I'd say let your DH tell them he can't commit to being available any date around then, just in case. Then let him suggest an alternative present.

Hermoine

Its really good to get children into the habit of theatregoing at an early stage, and I would agree that what your son found scarey a year ago, he may well be entirely fine with now. It might only be this year, though - next year you'll have two small babies who really aren't going to enjoy it (and might not even be allowed in...). Those two plus one parent will be more than 50% of your family, so it really can't then be seen as a "family treat".

Poppy9

They might think you will appreciate the break so don't realise you are upset over it.


If it was me though I wouldn't be making plans to be alone with OH quite a distance at 34 weeks with twins who usually arrive early. While it might be unavoidable if your OH was working away this is just a social event. Maybe the grand parents could just take your son and give you and OH a chance for a relaxing day together.

pinkshoes

It is actually SIL's present, as it saves her buying gifts! She never goes herself!! It is Xmas panto, and not vouchers - actual tickets.

She knows DS finds some of it frightening, but said he will get used to it.

I think it is more the fact that when I pointed out that it probably wouldn't be possible for me to go so perhaps we could do something else, she just said that she wasn't planning on getting me a ticket, so basically a family outing without me!

If I was refusing to do anything, then fair enough, but there are so many other things we could do that I could join in with (and DS would prefer!!). I just feel it is so mean and it upsets me!

The thought of just the inlaws and DS going that far away makes me very uncomfortable!! They are not the most reliable, particularly health wise!! DH would need to go otherwise i would spend the day worrying!!

Anatidaephobia

I agree that it seems a little pointless going when your son and husband don't seem that into it and you were but can't go. Does this have to be an issue though? If it were me in this situation, I would just talk to DH about it then he'd go and have a word with his parents and suggest an alternative in a nice but firm way, and that'd be the end of it.

fabforty

It sounds like something that should have been mentioned before. Theatre tickets aren't cheap, your son isn't enjoying the experience, your husband doesn't seem that into it, so as a choice of gift it isn't ideal. Couldn't you suggest something else, cheaper that you can enjoy as a family - it doesn't have to be a day out - hamper, food, sweets, a game etc. Or if you really want an outing , perhaps a Merlin pass or National Trust gift vouchers so that you can choose day out which suits you as a family.
This reminds me of an aunt who used to give my mum a plant every year at Christmas - usually something huge. She gave her one once, a rubber plant which lasted forever and looked great, mum loved it and so it became a sort of tradition. Unfortunately, apart from that first one, my mum wasn't really into plants. Every time that she got one she would moan about having nowhere to put it, and it was generally be dead by Spring. It's not about being ungrateful, it was just a waste of money and effort on my aunt's behalf.

Person_one

pinkshoes wrote: »

It is actually SIL's present, as it saves her buying gifts! She never goes herself!! It is Xmas panto, and not vouchers - actual tickets.

She knows DS finds some of it frightening, but said he will get used to it.

I think it is more the fact that when I pointed out that it probably wouldn't be possible for me to go so perhaps we could do something else, she just said that she wasn't planning on getting me a ticket, so basically a family outing without me!

If I was refusing to do anything, then fair enough, but there are so many other things we could do that I could join in with (and DS would prefer!!). I just feel it is so mean and it upsets me!

The thought of just the inlaws and DS going that far away makes me very uncomfortable!! They are not the most reliable, particularly health wise!! DH would need to go otherwise i would spend the day worrying!!

Where's your husband in this? If he's got any sense surely he should be having a quiet word with his sister explaining that its unkind to plan something that so deliberately excludes you. If she wants to treat your son to a Christmas pantomime, she should offer to take him herself!

No, you don't get to choose or dictate what presents people get you, but she's not actually getting you a present! Sometimes people who are otherwise lovely just need a gentle hint/nudge when they're about to do something daft.