Feel so alone

Popstess

Thank you 12month and ch1979 lets hope so.

Popstess

Ch1979 wrote: »

My friends are paying off their wedding £18000 plus two car loans 12000. They owe just as much as you and it doesn't make their debt more noble just because they have bought 3 "large" purchases. Do you think they feel as terrible as you? Bet they don't..... And this time next month u will be under the 30k debt. And as time goes on, you'll save less as you gradually come out of credit or account agreements, get cashback and discounts on purchases and figure out how to maintain an enjoyable lifestyle. People will buy anything, you'll sell things that aren't necessities or loved items. This is the hard bit, learning how to live for less. Is there any part of this process you are enjoying (ie being part of a forum or investigating ways to save money)? Are you arty, practical or have any hobbies, interests, specialist skills?

Thank you I never thought of it like that maybe I do need to stop being so hard on myself

Popstess

craftyali wrote: »

I have not been able to read all the way through this thread, but just wanted to say how wonderfully supportive/positive everyone is on here. I feel alone, as noone knows how much my debt really is. Even keep the full amount from hubby. I am doing everything I can to pay off as much as possible each month, and hoping to clear it within 2 years. It is great to come on here and know that there are others with the same struggle. Ali x

I hope you feel a little less alone even if just from reading this thread. Start your own diary and you will get support too. It's tough feeling that way but I'm pleased I started using this forum it does help.

savvysaver1

Popstess wrote: »

Thank you, I'm sat here in tears, and shaking this is the first time I've admitted my debt to anyone. That's true about"the joneses" no I don't know their financial situations. I have made myself a budget and using an app called Spending Tracker to keep on top of my outgoings. I feel so guilty and so embarrassed. I have tried to say no or I can't afford it in the past and been talked round I'm a complete people pleaser it it's making me ill I can't go on line this I've been such a fool.

Dear Popstress, IF your debts are in ANY WAY caused by payday loans, i.e. if they loaned too freely and too many of them, help is there. First step is to contact the Financial Ombudsman service. They will ask for the names of all the companies, and write to them on your behalf. Next, you should hear from each of them - they are allowed up to 8 weeks. Hopefully, the end result will be that they refund all the charges and interest, plus interest on the total of 8% s this is what the Ombudsman has decided as the interest rate, and also for ALL information to be removed from your credit file. On another HUGE money saving note, - I do it all the time = shop at the big supermarkets between say 6.15 and 7pm ish and you will get massive discounts on that days reduced food. I just about manage to live off it all the time and it saves me a fortune. Good luck with everything, and mo, you are not alone. I have taken 14 Payday loans companies to the Ombudman on my son's behalf, and so far I have had bck over £3500 with more to come.

Popstess

savvysaver1 wrote: »

Dear Popstress, IF your debts are in ANY WAY caused by payday loans, i.e. if they loaned too freely and too many of them, help is there. First step is to contact the Financial Ombudsman service. They will ask for the names of all the companies, and write to them on your behalf. Next, you should hear from each of them - they are allowed up to 8 weeks. Hopefully, the end result will be that they refund all the charges and interest, plus interest on the total of 8% s this is what the Ombudsman has decided as the interest rate, and also for ALL information to be removed from your credit file. On another HUGE money saving note, - I do it all the time = shop at the big supermarkets between say 6.15 and 7pm ish and you will get massive discounts on that days reduced food. I just about manage to live off it all the time and it saves me a fortune. Good luck with everything, and mo, you are not alone. I have taken 14 Payday loans companies to the Ombudman on my son's behalf, and so far I have had bck over £3500 with more to come.

Hi thank you for the advice, none of my debt are from payday loans. They are a catalogue, a loan from the bank and 3 credit cards.
I only seem to manage to pick up the odd bargain at yellow sticker time def not enough to make up a weekly shop. All the supermarkets are a car journey away so I can't go every day as it'll cost more petrol

CameronLove

I am not going to give you debt advice as it seems covered and you are doing well. What advice I would say is to stay motivated, see it as a challenge like a London Marathon and work on it. The more you motivate yourself to BEAT THIS DEBT and HAVE A BETTER LIFE, the more you will stick to it, and the more pride and relief you will get when another small debt is ticked off and completed!

And don't be ashamed with friends, by keeping up appearances, because I can almost guarantee that underneath the fake exterior, they are struggling in some way too and too ashamed to admit their failures or problems to you for fear of being judged. The amount of people that I know who you look at in their 4 bedroom modern house, or Audi...... who eventually cave in and admit they are massively in debt, struggling to repay car repayments or they are 2 months behind on the mortgage is unreal...... its only when they hit breaking point will they ever admit it.
Maybe you need to stop worrying about how it appears to friends and family and face up to it. I am not suggesting come clean about everything. But just have the strength to admit that its not all rosey and peachy in the garden of Popstess..... say stuff like "I dunno what David Cameron is on about when they say we have a strong economy, I am not seeing it!!!" or "I really can't come out this week, I am literally broke, think I need to cut back a bit" or cut back on small luxuries you know you need to cut out and say to people that ask "To be honest, I don't use it that much these days and would rather save the money for a rainy day or something."
You don't have to tell people you are massively in debt, but nobody is going to judge you (not if they mean anything to you anyway) on you deciding things need cut back a bit, or that the purse strings have got a bit tighter.
I reckon if you admit even a fraction of it to friends or family, you might be surprised to find how many of them support you, want to help out, or even break down and admit that their perfect lives are far from perfect and how they have never had the guts to be open about it either until you mentioned it!

And if any friends turn to you and say negative things or treat you like some freak....... well just treat them like they are a debt too, and cut them out of your life as quickly as possible! Real friends would be supportive and understanding. You just got to make a small step towards admitting to them that life isn't all milk and honey and that you do struggle to cope occasionally, that is all they need to know and all you have to say to make yourself feel like you don't have to pretend all the time!

Wish you loads of luck overcoming debt. I have been there, it hurts, its scary and its depressing but years of hard work and effort and you can get over it. Just be honest to yourself and stay motivated. xx

f0xh0les

Hey Pops, if you cant make it to the YS scrum at the end of the day, (or around 2.30 on Sundays!!) I find a once a week trawl around the £shop, B&M, Home Bargains, Charity shop, really saves me money

It is amazing the branded products there are in there, for half the price of what they are in the supermarket. Especially things like toothpaste and roasted peppers in jars and kids' sweeties.

Popstess

CameronLove wrote: »

I am not going to give you debt advice as it seems covered and you are doing well. What advice I would say is to stay motivated, see it as a challenge like a London Marathon and work on it. The more you motivate yourself to BEAT THIS DEBT and HAVE A BETTER LIFE, the more you will stick to it, and the more pride and relief you will get when another small debt is ticked off and completed!

And don't be ashamed with friends, by keeping up appearances, because I can almost guarantee that underneath the fake exterior, they are struggling in some way too and too ashamed to admit their failures or problems to you for fear of being judged. The amount of people that I know who you look at in their 4 bedroom modern house, or Audi...... who eventually cave in and admit they are massively in debt, struggling to repay car repayments or they are 2 months behind on the mortgage is unreal...... its only when they hit breaking point will they ever admit it.
Maybe you need to stop worrying about how it appears to friends and family and face up to it. I am not suggesting come clean about everything. But just have the strength to admit that its not all rosey and peachy in the garden of Popstess..... say stuff like "I dunno what David Cameron is on about when they say we have a strong economy, I am not seeing it!!!" or "I really can't come out this week, I am literally broke, think I need to cut back a bit" or cut back on small luxuries you know you need to cut out and say to people that ask "To be honest, I don't use it that much these days and would rather save the money for a rainy day or something."
You don't have to tell people you are massively in debt, but nobody is going to judge you (not if they mean anything to you anyway) on you deciding things need cut back a bit, or that the purse strings have got a bit tighter.
I reckon if you admit even a fraction of it to friends or family, you might be surprised to find how many of them support you, want to help out, or even break down and admit that their perfect lives are far from perfect and how they have never had the guts to be open about it either until you mentioned it!

And if any friends turn to you and say negative things or treat you like some freak....... well just treat them like they are a debt too, and cut them out of your life as quickly as possible! Real friends would be supportive and understanding. You just got to make a small step towards admitting to them that life isn't all milk and honey and that you do struggle to cope occasionally, that is all they need to know and all you have to say to make yourself feel like you don't have to pretend all the time!

Wish you loads of luck overcoming debt. I have been there, it hurts, its scary and its depressing but years of hard work and effort and you can get over it. Just be honest to yourself and stay motivated. xx

Thank you for all the advice and very kind words. I will try to let ppl know a bit more I'll never admit the full extent as I'm so ashamed and it's such a HUGE number.

I'm really struggling today mentally I feel very very weak and low I just wanted to stay in bed all day. Hopefully things will pick up soon.

87mave

It's natural to think that, you're going through the motions. Just think, you're better off today than each day before, and continuing.

msgnomey

Chin up xxx Just read through the thread and YOU ARE DOING BRILLIANTLY

It is hard, and it does feel lonely. My hubby had a mental breakdown after his Grandfather died and we ended up in a lot of debt as he couldn't work. We had to sell the house, massively downsize and dealt with our debts through step change. It is a long hard path BUT we are walking it together!!

I use to look at colleagues who had huge weddings, nice houses and fabulous holidays abroad and think how can they afford it? The truth was they couldn't! They had put it all on credit cards and loans.

Now I try to concentrate on the small pleasure I can get from life, a walk in the winter sunshine, YS bread from the local coop (YUMMY!) and although life is still a struggle financially we are looking forward to being debt free!

Good luck and congratulate yourself for coming so far already
xxxxx