Feel so alone

KirstyO

Hi Pops,


Just read your first post and todays post. sorry that you don't seem to be feeling much better.


I can't offer much new material to be honest, but I am another person to stand in your corner and cheer you on. The mental health affects that debt can lead onto are not very nice, so I would encourage you to try and look after that side of yourself very very carefully. so many of us on here have suffered or are suffering with degrees of depression and anxiety. I had issues before debt, but I was managing them well, and then it just sent me spiralling backwards.


I'm a firm believer that if you are aware of these things creeping up on you, then you can take action to make sure they are managed well, even if you can't completely prevent them. It sounds like at the moment you are feeling low and stressed by it all, but if the time ever comes that you can't feel some relief or happiness through the things that once bought you great pleasure (except spending money!) then you should chat with your GP. Sometimes a regular check up is enough to reassure you that you're going through an emotionally tough time, but you are dealing with it. Also if your doc knows what is going on, they can be on the lookout for warning signs that your mental health is deteriorating, and they know when it might be time for some therapy or further treatment. I'm not saying you will need it, but the fact your mood seems so low on this thread between October and now just niggles me a bit. As humans there is only so much stress, sadness and worry that we can take before it becomes a problem that needs more than a coffee and a piece of cake to fix.


Speaking of which, if you haven't already this week, why don't you find £1 and go and buy something tasty as a treat...no matter how bad the money situation, or how rubbish you feel, I always found a £1 treat buoyed me a bit. If you're not into edible it can be something non-edible - something with a nice smell? Even something as simple as a new toothbrush can make me happy (I know, I know - simple things...)


Hope the counselling is helping, and that you're back on track. Don't worry about falling off every once in a while - it happens to the best of us!


Kirsty x

satchmo1

Kirsty, what a lovely post.


Popstess, remember that you didn't get into this level of debt overnight, so getting out of it will take time. Have you thought any more about selling some stuff either on a local FB page (no fees, no postage charges, but price won't go over what you've set) or on eBay? You'd be amazed what sells. I bought a Radley bag for £5, decided I didn't like it and re-sold it for £35. A part-used bottle of not-to-my-taste perfume went for £20. A very expensive man's jacket went for a paltry £30. A man's YSL raincoat didn't get a sniff. Tip for FB, use a closed site so your friends/family don't see you selling things they gave you, lol.


Did you manage to re-do your SoA?

kerri_gt

Didn't want to just read and run - some good advice already. Following on from KirstyO, if the edible treat doesn't float your boat, how about some nice bubble bath (something like Wilko equivalent of Radox is less than £1) - I like the muscle relaxing ones and the 'sleep well' ones, nice warm bath, a few candles and lots of bubbles (I mean in the bath, not a bottle of Cristal I'm afraid atm ) Just a little time out can really relax your mind and work wonders.

Don't forget to put a nice clean fluffy towel on the radiator though

Big hugs xx

Popstess

Thank you so so much for all of your lovely kind supportive messages. I love the idea of little treats food and not food related thank you.
thank you for all the hugs too xxx

Coinmachine

Popstess wrote: »

Thank you so so much for all of your lovely kind supportive messages. I love the idea of little treats food and not food related thank you.
thank you for all the hugs too xxx

We have all been there to a greater or lesser extent, I am nearly two years into a DMP and its all running smoothly now but plenty of stresses along the way such as over stretching myself initially.

If it has not been said already dont just get jammed down in this par of the forum either, keep checking the freebies grabbit forums etc as that is very useful for giving you a bit extra and helping to cut back more.

good luck with it all.

f0xh0les

Hey Pops!

Good Morning!

Lots of people on here think they have had their LB moment, but slip up once or twice before they settle into it. You have a lot of years of learnt behaviour to undo. It is like starting a diet, you have to start by thinking 'is that really worth eating( buying)?.. really?' and honestly, we all sneak a custard cream and think it won't matter. Nobody dies if you do! It is the long run that counts.

But, (relentless optimism WARNING) Chinese New Year - New Start? Financial Lent? 40 day challenge? It doesn't matter when you start.
Have a look at some of the challenges boards, I love wombling, and sealed pots (but I am rubbish and cheat ALL the time -shh don't tell anyone) and No Spend Days.

The kids came home last night with £27 of school trips letters, and I can't say no to my babes when it comes to trips - I still owe £175 for a camping trip #1 wants to go on with school in June - but I only need 50p from a You Gov survey to get another £50 cheque to pay this month's installment, and there is always the cash prize draws on the GfK Media Survey.

That I have the money in the bank to pay for it is neither here nor there.

Think of your debt as paying off a mortgage. You have your 'normal' payments that go off it every month, and every penny extra you can shove toward it, is a bonus. Every time there is an extra £1 paid off it is a success. Every £ bracket, or £10 bracket you drop down is success. And it all mounts up and soon it is a £100 you are dropping down.

Good luck with the new SOA

brizzledfw

Hi popstess..

Sorry its all hard going at the moment but the guys are right, no one's LBM comes by and then shining brightly forever and evermore, there is always a bit of give and take, especially if illness comes into the equation as it has for you.

Here to support - keep going and chuck your SOA up here for advice

x

Popstess

Hi everyone thanks so much for the messages I'm sorry I'm not very good at replying to individuals right now I'm just so overwhelmed but thank you I really appreciate your kind words. I have had a really busy and stressful week so I haven't had a second to start on my SOA yet. I felt like last time I got really obsessed with this site and doing surveys etc to try and help myself that I got so overwhelmed and it all got a bit much!
I have a bit of an all or nothing mentality which I know isn't good. I need to d something about that.

Coinmachine

Take you rtime, you didnt get into debt overnight so you wont get out of it overnight either, better to tackle this when you are in the right frame of mind and not stressed or otherwise pre-occupied. Just remember no question is a silly one there will always be someone along to help you out, lots of experience on here.

Popstess

Hi everyone here is my up to date SOA *hangs head in shame*


Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1480
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 220
Other income............................ 100
Total monthly income.................... 1800
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 200
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 0
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 81
Electricity............................. 21
Gas..................................... 20
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 17
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 18
TV Licence.............................. 13
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 36
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 200
Clothing................................ 20
Petrol/diesel........................... 50
Road tax................................ 13
Car Insurance........................... 20
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 55
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 8
Contents insurance...................... 5
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 70
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 6
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 873

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 68000
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 100
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 68100

Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 54000....(200)......NaN
Total secured & HP debts...... 54000.....-.........-
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Halifax loan fixed ............14484.....269.......0
Very bnpl......................957.......0.........0
Tesco credit card..............4804......96........9.87
MBNA credit card...............4206......25........0
Barclay Credit Card............5118......116.......0
Total unsecured debts..........29569.....506.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,800
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 873
Available for debt repayments........... 927
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 506
Amount left after debt repayments....... 421
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 68,100
Total HP & Secured debt................. -54,000
Total Unsecured debt.................... -29,569
Net Assets.............................. -15,469
Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.