Feel so alone

rogue999

Hi Popstress - if you don't want to admit to your friends you're on a strict budget, why not say you're saving up for something - e.g. new car, house deposit, holiday for a big birthday or something similar - it might just take the embarrassment out of a situation where you're invited out somewhere and can't afford it. It's what I do - currently I am saving for a new bathroom (not!) but it just gives me something to say if i get invited for a work meal or something similar that i can get out of, or perhaps i'll just go for drinks and not the meal.

Turn the bathroom into - must get a new boiler/roof fixed/holiday for my 40th to suit!

Popstess

Thank you all so much for reading and replying. I feel little better today than I did last night but I have that overwhelming feeling of debt and just want rid of it NOW which realistically I know I can't do that and it's going to take time a lot of time. I have raided my pot of dreams i used a knife so I didn't have to smash it. I feel a bit guilty using the money to pay off debt but then I realise that's silly as its my money I've saved in it and although it'd be lovely to down that money on a treat, it's just sat there in a pot doing nothing for me this way I can use it to start chipping away at my debt.
I got enough out of it to pay off 3% of the first debt I'm tackling (I've split my debt into chunks and the first one I'm concentrating on paying off first is the one in paying highest interest rate off)
I've been through all my monthly direct debits one by one and cancelled any that are not needed (e.g my monthly lottery chances are v low I'd win and that £10 a month can go towards paying off my debt) I've also attacked all my utility bills and cut down as much as poss. I even managed to cut my buildings and contents insurance by £22.71 a month by doing a search on compare the market and phoning them up rather than just renewing automatically. Next thing to be renewed is my car insurance but that's not until March. I think that's a good idea about saying I'm saving for something I actually do need a new car so wouldn't be unbelievable if I said I'm saving for one. I'm definitely going to set myself a weekly shopping budget, meal plan and stick to it. I also got into a bad habit of buying lunch out at work that has to stop but a few girls at work having been saying the same and maybe having a Friday once a month where we all but lunch out but eat of time taking our own in. I'm going to take part in the 1% challenge and the road kill challenge I'll get my son involved in that one lol. This may sound rude but I'm going to say to family who would normally buy me presents for Christmas that I really have everything I need and if they want to give me something a token of money would be gratefully received then after Xmas I will put it towards my debt but tell them I bought some clothes with it (I have tons of clothes embarressing which is partly why I'm in so much debt) so they'd never know what I was wearing wasn't new. I just have to keep up this motivation and not let the amount get me down

andyfromotley

Hey popstess welcome,

i know you are probably not ready for this yet but i dont hide my debt problem from friends or family. I dont go into detail about it but i am more than happy to say,'i cant do that i'm skint' or no presents for anyone other than kids till i am debt free, sorry'.
In fact the response is always positive. 'good for you' and the like. Often it starts a conversation where i find out that many others are in my situation or worse, but are not yet tackling it.

However i do not beleive that money has any bearing on my (or anyone) elses worth a a person. Were almost trained to think it does, but it doesnt, when i finally got rid of that mindset it was quite liberating.

Good luck, you can do this. Post your SOA, it really will help.

Never feel ashamed or disgusted about your debt. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job for you and your child, be proud. Good luck on your DFW journey. Stick around here, its a great help.

Butti

Hi Popstress
Just thought. ...If you want to feel a bit better about your level of debt and keeping up with the Joneses look up a diary on here from Tolip. As his name suggests (in reverse ) he has a good job BUT his debt was eyewatering.

B x

Popstess

Thank you, I'll have a look at that! It seems the more money you earn the more offer of credit gets thrown your way it's very tempting but I wish I'd never ever borrowed. Time to start teaching my lovely son about saving and the perils of borrowing already I think

sourcrates

It would be handy if at the very least, you could list your debts for us.


What type of borrowing, how much is outstanding, when each account was opened.


There are different ways and means of tackling your debts, its a process you have to work through, a statement of affairs would give us the info needed to make more useful suggestions.


It could be you just need to cut back on wasteful spending, or perhaps, more serious action is required, an SOA will tell us this.

Fmess

Popstess you've taken a brave step by admitting your level of debt and well done on cutting the bills already. I'm part of a really supportive monthly challenge thread on here and we'd love to have you join us and give you some support - it's on the Debt Free Challenges board and always has NST in the title (can't remember the exact name this month!)

GaleSF63

Don't be afraid to say you can't afford to do something. It doesn't tell people the extent of the debt - they can't read your mind even though it may feel as if they can!

So many people are struggling with money these days it's almost certain to include some of the people you know. After all they don't know that you are struggling do they? You may find one or two friends start saying they would rather not be spending, as well.

If people try to persuade you use Rogue999's suggestion that you need to pay/save for something - for the next couple of months the cost of Christmas maybe?

Good luck!

enthusiasticsaver

Well done on facing this and you will receive some great advice on this forum. I also use spending tracker as a way of gauging what we spend monthly in the three years coming up to our retirement. It is a great way of analysing exactly what you do spend.


This is a good lesson to pass on to your son as well and one we drummed into our daughters during their uni years. Live within a budget, save a proportion every month for emergencies and think before you spend as to whether you really need what you are buying or is there a cheaper alternative. Also only take out credit as an absolute last resort and save up for things instead. You may find your friends and families are living off credit as well and want an excuse to be able to live a more secure and frugal lifestyle so don't be ashamed to say you are trying to cut back.

traceydc49

There is no Jones Popstress, just us lot that think there is, can bet my last £1 they are the same as us. You really are not alone, people on here are priceless. Advice, priceless. Beginning my F&F, lucky to have got PPI comp, maybe not quite enough, but I'm going to try, don't think your on your own, you are not. Any advice you need, post on here, always somebody has the answer, good luck to you xxxx