Parent taxi service

doctorblunkett

onlyroz wrote: »

Could they cycle?

12 miles? the distance is one thing but the dangers associated with cycling should be taken into account.

Tiptaker

Can't there be a compromise? Encourage him to do his homework/extra study in a library or such when available and practical, but be prepared to collect him occasionally. Have you explained the financial constraints to him - I suspect a lot of teenagers don't consider that making a car journey actually costs money. If there is no safe place (taking into all dangers including peer pressure) for him to wait for the bus then there is no option but to collect him.

nyg123

I would let him wait for the bus. That is what my son does. Due to my disabilities I can't drive so he has no choice, although his dad has picked him up on a handful of occasions.
I grew up in the countryside and I loved it. Yes my parents gave me and my sister quite a lot of lifts and sometimes that meant I had to go home a bit earlier than my friends but that wasn't a problem. We also used taxis and I also got lifts with my friends who were lucky enough to have their parents buy them a car. They was a bus into town at about 7pm ( the last bus of the day with a mile walk to it) which I sometimes got. I suppose that it just seemed normal to me as it was a rural area and most of my friends were in the same position. I still miss living in the countryside.
I am living where I am for my son and have been for at least a decade. I'm moving when my son starts college but that is because of my health. He's not keen but he may be going to uni anyway. But unfortunately it is necessary and he's got to live with it.

janiebquick

If it's only once a week, I think it's part of your duty as a parent to fetch him.

preciousillusions

Charge petrol money if they want a lift? Otherwise thy have the option of staying behind to work.

gaving7095

You already said that you can't afford the petrol so where's the dilemma? :-/

glentoran99

What kind of student is he? Half day means go to pub!!

chewycov

I don't think there's any "dilemma" in making your kid wait around for the bus home. Before I got my own car, I had to rely on public transport if I wanted to go anywhere outside walking distance (though sometimes I'd walk it anyway, I was a scrooge from day one clearly). You're their parent, not their chauffeur.

BUT! On the other hand, you shouldn't live out in the sticks if you aren't willing or don't have the means to give the kids lifts a lot of the time. I don't think it's right to have to give your kids lifts everywhere, but it's also DEFINITELY not right to deprive them of a normal social/work/education life/routine, whether you can help it or not. That is of course, assuming that living in the sticks is a choice (which I suspect it is).


Living out in the country is lovely, but too many people do it because they think they can go and become Tom and Barbara Good and don't really take much else into account. Growing up, I had a lot of friends at school (and a girlfriend) who's parents had transferred to the local RAF base. Most of them having come from big cities (or at least places that could be called big cities compared to this area), a lot of them chose to go live out in the sticks, and a lot of them had zero social life because of where they lived and not being able to get lifts into town or even to other rural friend's houses. They'd be super excited to come to school every day, because it was pretty much the only time they got to see their friends.

That's not to say you fit the bill of person I've just described, but it's food for thought.

Petra_70

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

My question is what will your child be learning from this? I see a lot of young people coming in as interns where I work and frankly many of them can barely wash their own clothes. They have inadequate life skills (in fact I heard a male colleague complaining that they aren't even properly toilet trained based on the state the mens toilets are in). I had a 21 year old graduate in front of me the other day who admitted she had no idea how to take a bus - and no concept that this was either embarrassing or that it was something she might need to remedy.

Also, it is interesting to note how many people here feel that parents should significantly inconvenience themselves rather than cause inconvenience for their child (and this is a convenience issue rather than a wellbeing issue). This is a straight choice - your time vs his.

Your time is the time that pays for the car, the clothes on his back, the food in his tummy. You are right to treat it as valuable and to expect your child to do so as well.

If you don't do that, your son will be one of the 21 year olds resenting me when I make it clear that I expect them to take real responsibility for the job they were brought in to do.

And I feel for these kids, no one has ever explained to them before that their life is their responsibility and it's not up to other people to smooth out every little wrinkle in their paths.

In your shoes, once in awhile and at your own convenience, I'd pick him up. It's a nice gesture and if you can spare the time to make it, he'll be grateful. But it's good for him to understand that the world doesn't owe him a living and that his parents are not an unpaid taxi.

:T Very good post. As has been said earlier in the thread, yes of course we have to do best by our children while they are children, and if we move to the country, (from the town,) then we should expect to be ferrying them about a lot. But there is no reason to continue it when they are adults.

How will they ever grow up and learn to fend for themselves? And as people have said a few times on this thread, why should people miss out on a wonderful rural life in the countryside, because their (adult) children refuse to grow up?

I have seen a number of people on this thread who grew up in the countryside who loved it, and I know a number of people who moved into the countryside from the city in their 50s, and they said they wish they had done it years ago, as it's the best life out there!

Almost non-existent crime rates, no pollution, lots of open spaces, meres and lakes and woodlands and hillsides, lots of beautiful walks, and many animals and birds you don't usually see (one woman I know saw a bunch of badgers for the first time in her life at the age of 53 the other week!) Also, it's very quiet, and the community spirit out there is amazing.

Even though this kind of place in the country has little public transport and it's sometimes 2 or more miles to the shops; it has so much going for it. Apart from what I have already mentioned, it has dozens people who care about people, and everyone says hello in the street, and you can go for a 2 mile walk alone without the fear of being coshed/mugged/raped. Country living beats town living anyday. A much better quality of life.

ajr77

I grew up at the outer edge of a village with the nearest amenities (including bus stop) a mile's walk away. For the last 1/3 mile of the walk to my house there was no path or street lighting either. My school was in the nearest town. My dad dropped me off, early so he could get to work (which gave me time to finish off homework if I hadn't!) and picked me up most of the time but not until after work - I stayed at school and did after school clubs or homework most nights. There were occasions when neither parent could pick me up for some reason in which case I walked from school to the bus station in the town centre, got the bus and walked home. I never liked doing this, especially as it was usually dark when I got to the unlit/no path bit, but fortunately it wasn't that often and at least the buses to the village centre were at least relatively frequent. I learned to drive as soon as possible, passing at 17 which gave more freedom