Parent taxi service

peaceandfreedom

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I also love how everyone talks as if parents always have a choice in where they are living - perhaps they live where they live because they can't afford to live elsewhere?! Or (shock horror) perhaps THEY want to live in the countryside, are country folk who don't like city life and don't see why they should have to move to a city just so as their teens can go out on the lash a bit easier!? :rotfl::D:rotfl::D:rotfl:

Well, Hallelujah, bigmomma! For a while there I thought I'd fallen into some kind of parallel universe where normal thinking is reversed.

I'm not saying town is bad but if your children have lived in a small village since they were born, are you all suggesting that we should up sticks as soon as they reach adolescence and move to a place in town where we don't know anyone? So our kids can [STRIKE]drink cider [/STRIKE]hang out in the local park with a bunch of strangers rather than hang out with the kids they've grown up with?

Where we are we have no public transport worth speaking of and as our kids got older we had to do a lot of driving around - each new school meant a wider radius of friends to cart them about to. We've picked them up from parties at all hours of the night (and they may indeed have drunk some cider ). They are constantly going places and I think if anything, their social life has been waaaaaay too busy . All of us accept that living in the countryside means a great deal of driving around but that doesn't mean it's a bad choice.

I think our kids would have been most alarmed if, when the oldest reached their teens, we announced we were leaving everything and everyone they'd grown up with and moving into a town because we didn't want to have to drive them around any more. The nearest town is a kip, by the way, where we don't actually know anyone and the next nearest would have meant complete isolation for the kids in any case.

As soon as they are old enough, they learn to drive. So do their mates. If they are lucky, they get a 'teenager-car' and rattle about in that. All is well .

I could wax lyrical about how wonderful it is growing up in a village, in the heart of stunning countryside, surrounded by people you've known all your life, where the same mates you've known since you were at mums&toddlers are still turning up on the doorstep, where crime is virtually unheard of ... but Petra_70 has already covered it .

peaceandfreedom

In answer to the OP, if you can't really afford to pick him up on his half-day, then don't do it. Or try to time it with an errand you would have had to do in town anyway - perhaps the weekly food shop?

Those college half-days are usually intended to allow students to go to the gym or do some other kind of sports activity - is there nothing like that he could do for a reasonable price in town?

Or,as others have suggested, he could use that time to get ahead with his college work, thus leaving his evenings free for more leisurely pursuits.

Dorchadrummerboy

Would you like to wait, it's not your sons fault that you decided to live where you do, total time would only be about 30 minutes to collect him

Jagraf

Picking up from college isn't a decision as to whether simone lived in a town or the countryside, it's deciding whether you want to do your child a massive favour which isn't a necessity. That is not because you live in the town or country.

Sounds like it's a full time course to me so I would say stay at college and do some work

MrsBeeBee

As a rural Mum of teenagers myself, here are my thoughts. Whilst it's true they didn't choose to live in the middle of nowhere, our job as parents is to teach them to become fully functioning adults and that involves learning about compromise and that the world doesn't revolve around them. I therefore think that finding a halfway house that you are both happy with is surely the best way forward - for example you will pick them up one week, they have to stay the next week? That way both parties feel they have got what they want, but that it is also fair on the other person. The main thing here is to TALK about it - explain your point of view and let them explain theirs so you both feel heard.
Another possible solution could be seeing if there is a bus that goes to somewhere that is closer to home so you don't have to go so far to pick them up - there is a regular bus service to a village 4 miles away from us, so mine know I am happy to drop off or pick up from there if they are desperate to meet up with friends in town for shopping and I can't/won't do the 25 mile round trip twice in the space of a few hours.

gloriouslyhappy

MrsBeeBee wrote: »

As a rural Mum of teenagers myself, here are my thoughts. Whilst it's true they didn't choose to live in the middle of nowhere, our job as parents is to teach them to become fully functioning adults and that involves learning about compromise and that the world doesn't revolve around them. I therefore think that finding a halfway house that you are both happy with is surely the best way forward - for example you will pick them up one week, they have to stay the next week? That way both parties feel they have got what they want, but that it is also fair on the other person. The main thing here is to TALK about it - explain your point of view and let them explain theirs so you both feel heard.
Another possible solution could be seeing if there is a bus that goes to somewhere that is closer to home so you don't have to go so far to pick them up - there is a regular bus service to a village 4 miles away from us, so mine know I am happy to drop off or pick up from there if they are desperate to meet up with friends in town for shopping and I can't/won't do the 25 mile round trip twice in the space of a few hours.

janiebquick wrote: »

If it's only once a week, I think it's part of your duty as a parent to fetch him.

Two completely different points of view! I think I agree with MrsBeeBee though, how are children going to learn about life in the real world if they have everything done for them. Asking them to spend a few extra hours in town once a week is not exactly a hardship. And remember, these are the children who might well take a gap year travelling in remote places, so they will definitely need to be mentally well equipped - and that to me is much more of a parent's duty than an on-demand free taxi service.

System

Two examples.

My kids (or me) have ever had their Dad to ferry them around. They learned pretty quick. You catch the bus or walk. The ones with sense learned to drive.

His sisters kids..... Ferried around from an early age and well into their 30s they are still being ferried around. Neither of them drives, they dont need to. Theres something very wrong when a 60 year old woman is ferrying a 36 year old man around where ever he wants to go.

happyinflorida

If you can't afford the petrol to pick him up early why are you even asking? Use your brain and tell him to catch the bus.

thatgirlsam

I grew up in a village.. and trust me village teenagers can get up to waaay more trouble, simply because there isn't much to do! I chose to bring my kids up in a town :-)

smashedcrab

We chose to move to the country, moving our children and taking our son away from his friends in London. Where we used to live everything was a bus or tube ride away. Now everything is a 30min drive away. It's our fault that our son has to travel longer distances, so when we have to give him a lift we do it without question (and we are struggling with money, but we see it as a necessary expense).
With regard to your son, if there's work he can do at college then there's no reason for him not to stay until 5 (but 5 hours is a long time to twiddle your thumbs). But if it were my son and he really wanted to come home, I'd go and get him. I enjoy my kids' company, so an extra afternoon of quality time a week with them would be a bonus and worth the petrol money.