Parent taxi service

peachyprice

Ozzuk wrote: »

Looking at it from another angle, I'm guessing you chose to live remotely and not them so maybe this is the price you have to pay to ensure they are socially included.

I'm not a parent though so really don't have much of a clue!

I am a parent and couldn't agree more. It's something you have to take into account when choosing where to live and starting a family.

Spendless

We will be in a similar situation next year. Not because we live somewhere rural but because DS is in yr11 at the only school in town without a sixth form. He's recently expressed a desire to go to college rather than a school and it's possible that the one suitable will be in a different county. There's a subsidised bus service but he will have to wait at college until the time it sets off even if his lessons have finished hours earlier. We are seeing this as a time where he can do homework and have his evenings free once he is home. If you are struggling to afford the petrol for a round 25 miles trip to pick him up, as your OP says, then I think your options are limited. Explore him finding some work for this time, either paid or voluntary or how much is a bus fare to a suitable pick up point part way?

bigmomma051204

I think its really sad that people are suggesting that everyone with kids is doing them a disservice by making them live in the countryside.

What about being them living in beautiful countryside? How about them being away from pollution in the city? How about the benefits of country living PRIOR to them being a teen?

I grew up in a village. I lived an idyllic childhood, down a quiet country lane with a couple of friends - we rode our bikes safely, roamed around fields picking peas to eat and explored river banks and barns. It was amazing.
I then HATED it whilst I was a teen because I had to beg for lifts and catch minging buses with nuns and tramps :cool: But I dealt with that - can't say it did me any of the "harm" everyone here seems to be implying, missing out on social lives etc:rotfl: I just accepted that I had to ask nicely for a lift, accept it if I was told "no", and either find another way to get where I wanted to go (paid for driving lessons, got my mates who already drove to come pick me up and bunged them petrol money) or stay at home! And then I discovered bar work - which meant I could earn money, stay at my mates houses who DID live in town the nights I worked and nurture that Oh So Important social life even more

Bloody madness, all of these people suggesting that parents who "choose to live in the countryside" are at fault LOL... From what I gather off this thread, basically you should buy a country pad for whilst your kids grow up, but as soon as they need a social life, quick - move to a city or town (but only a town with no chavs, apparently!) as God forbid should your kids have to use their own initiative and sort themselves out if they want to have a social life!

I also love how everyone talks as if parents always have a choice in where they are living - perhaps they live where they live because they can't afford to live elsewhere?! Or (shock horror) perhaps THEY want to live in the countryside, are country folk who don't like city life and don't see why they should have to move to a city just so as their teens can go out on the lash a bit easier!? :rotfl::D:rotfl::D:rotfl:

Ps - OP, Your teen will surely be able to amuse themselves for a couple of hours in town?! I LOVED the time when I had free's at college and could mooch around the shops, go to the pub with my mates for some cheesy chips and a diet coke, and generally have the *shock horror* social life that these commentors above are suggesting you are depriving your teen of LOL!

barbarawright

When you moved to the middle of nowhere, what did you think your kids would do when they got old enough to want to do stuff on their own?

Jagraf

There are advantages and disadvantages for kids of both the town and the countryside.

I think the idealism a prospective parent has in their imagination is very different from reality, whichever location you choose.

Most seem to middle through just fine and their kids adapt to the surroundings they are in.

Most need a lift or two, whether they are in the countryside or not.

But for full time school or college, I think its fair that the kids stay there and find something useful to fill the time with.

silvercar

fierystormcloud wrote: »

It's a bit bad as her daughter is 20, and my sister should not be having to run her about everywhere. But she has to, as there is no public transport. My niece can't afford to pay for driving lessons and my sister can't afford them. What's more, why should she pay for them?

fierystormcloud wrote: »

And what I was saying is that no-one should be expected to stay where they are, if they want to move and can have a better quality of life somewhere else, just because it's convenient for their 27 year old son, who hasn't bothered to learn to drive, because he knows his parents will do all they can to accommodate him. This way of thinking is not exactly helping young adults to be independent and live their own lives is it?

Once anyone's offspring gets to adulthood/university age, people should be free to move where they want without any explanation or guilt. If the young adult can't get themselves about, they can learn to drive; like a normal responsible adult.

Part of bringing up our children to be independent adults is to make sure they learn how to drive. I view it as an essential skill. If you can afford to do so without causing severe financial hardship then it is right that you do so.

Andypandyboy

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I think the two of you have either not read my posts correctly, or I am not explaining myself properly.

I did actually agree that it's unfair to move kids from a busy town with lots of amenities, to a rural area; and if that is what you do, then you should be prepared to be a taxi service for them, ferrying them about everywhere. (see the first paragraph in my post No. 25.)

However, when I said 'how long are you supposed to put your life on hold for?' I was saying 'yes you should do what makes your children happy when they are children; but how long should you continue to live your life around them when they are ADULTS not children?' (If you read my posts again, you will see that is what I was saying...)

So I agree it's best to leave your school age children in a town or city if they grew up there, as it could be very isolating for them to move, but once they hit adulthood/go to uni, then parents should be free to move where they want. In addition, when I said 'how long are you supposed your life on hold for,' I was referring to what andypandyboy said:



He was saying he wouldn't move to a rural area even when the kids leave uni and are working, so it's 'convenient for them. '

And what I was saying is that no-one should be expected to stay where they are, if they want to move and can have a better quality of life somewhere else, just because it's convenient for their 27 year old son, who hasn't bothered to learn to drive, because he knows his parents will do all they can to accommodate him. This way of thinking is not exactly helping young adults to be independent and live their own lives is it?

Once anyone's offspring gets to adulthood/university age, people should be free to move where they want without any explanation or guilt. If the young adult can't get themselves about, they can learn to drive; like a normal responsible adult.

Yes of course you should think about what is best for your children, when they are CHILDREN, but not when they are fully grown adults! That's just ridiculous. As I said, they will never grow up as long as mommy and daddy are living their lives around them and pandering to their wants and needs.

I think you have misunderstood me. My point was that I wanted them to have the choice to return to their home area (not their parental home per se) and have the opportunities be available to them there if that is what they wanted to do.

If we had lived somewhere remote when they were younger as the OP does, none of ours would have had the opportunity to choose return to the area and commute to one of three relatively big cities that are within travelling distance by both car and public transport links. They would have had to look elsewhere whether they wanted to or not.

If we wanted to move to somewhere remote now of course there is nothing stopping us, except that we are now creeping towards the other end of the age spectrum and the needs/wants that brings.

Lunar_Eclipse

Fierystormcloud: I understood you completely. I think maybe you misunderstood me: *I* don't consider the circumstances described as a parent putting one's life on hold. That is just being overly dramatic.

Caring for a dying relative is putting one's life on hold. Living somewhere that suits other family member's needs or preferences doesn't come close.

I'm not saying I would choose where I lived to suit any adult children of mine, but it's hardly putting one's life on hold. I think it's all about perspective.

duchy

This is a very useful thread in that it reminds us when looking at a new area that i's usually a long term move and future needs are a consideration - whether it's location of colleges or 6th forms or getting older ourselves and the possibility of having to stop driving.

When my financial situation changed unexpectedly the car became a luxury as we live on good transport links rather than the expensive essential it would have been had we lived more rurally - another thing to consider .

The best laid plans can be scuppered by job loss or illness after all.

Several reasons for not choosing the back of beyond to live with teens - for me - would be -promoting independence , not wanting to be an on call taxi service, not wanting the worry of a moped riding teen when car insurance proves prohibitive or until they are old enough for a car.

Xen6

How about when you go to collect on the half day you treat this afternoon off as a good thing. Get all the odd admin jobs done whilst you're in town, do the shopping, take them swimming whilst pool is empty, appreciate anything that can be of benefit off-peak and leave the weekends free of all this so you feel you've gained time.