In love for 10 years but never told her

scooby088

Plus is this crush in a relationship? Or even married? And you dont seem too shy as you are in a relationshipthat has lasted.

Person_one

Just_another wrote: »

I am in a 8 year relationship but 'miss x' is never away from my thoughts.

If this is true, the first thing you need to do is end your current relationship, as the woman you're with deserves better!

Horizon81

Yeah, what's the dream girl up to?

Tell her whatever you want but don't expect to see her again.

Freeraine

Has Miss X had partners over this ten year period?

VestanPance

See when the age old discussion comes up about can men and women be friends. You're the poster boy for the no side.

While the yes side are all the "He's my friend, and he's got a lovely girlfriend and they've been together eight years. Trust me there's nothing but great friendship between us. They're would never be anything romantic and there never was". That's because they couldn't believe that a "friend" has been having a fantasy relationship with them for ten years!

Having a crush for a few weeks and not acting on it, fairly normal. Having a crush over ten years with someone you've befriended. Beyond creepy.

Horizon81

VestanPance wrote: »

See when the age old discussion comes up about can men and women be friends. You're the poster boy for the no side.

While the yes side are all the "He's my friend, and he's got a lovely girlfriend and they've been together eight years. Trust me there's nothing but great friendship between us. They're would never be anything romantic and there never was". That's because they couldn't believe that a "friend" has been having a fantasy relationship with them for ten years!

Nailed it. Men and women can never just be friends, despite women thinking so. A quick way to prove it is to say to the man, if your female friend asked you for sex, would you say yes or no? We all know the answer.

bouicca21

It's not just that it is creepy. It shows deep contempt for the woman he's been with for the past 8 years. And I suspect it is more about the OP being unhappy in himself than about any genuine emotion for the fantasy object.

Anatidaephobia

Have you actually stayed in touch or are you simply friends with each other on Facebook? I still have people on my Facebook who I went to school with or worked with in the past but I wouldn't say that we've "stayed in touch" because we haven't spoken either online or IRL in years. The only thing we still have in common is that we haven't deleted each other off Facebook.

fairy_lights

Just_another wrote: »

Fast forward several more years and we no longer work together and I am in a 8 year relationship but 'miss x' is never away from my thoughts.

Wow. Do you tell your girlfriend of 8 years that you love her, even though you've been secretly obsessed with another woman the whole time?
TBH I don't think you're genuinely 'In love' with the other woman, it sounds like you hardly know her outside of work.

TBagpuss

Think very carefully about this.

Firstly, you are not being fair to your current partner if you are not committed to that relationship.

2ndly it sounds as though you are putting your friend on something of a pedestal - I think it would be very hard for any real person to live up to

3rdly - if in 10 years of knowing you, during some of which you have been single, she has never given you any hint or encouragement that she is interested in you other than as a friend, it's unlikely that she sees you that way. (I'm assuming there have been periods of her being single, too. If she's in a relationship then you should leave well alone)

If you feel that you can't not try, then by all means ask her. In fairness to your current partner you should tell her how you feel and end that relationship first, then tell your friend how you feel.

I think the most likely outcome is that she will tell you she doesn't feel that way about you, and that it will result in a cooling of the friendship, but if you need to know in order to move on, then go for it.

I have to day, I do believe it is perfectly possible for men and women to be friends, and also that it is possible to go from friendship to a relationship and indeed from a relationship to friendship, but it can be very awkward, and you may end up making your friend feel uncomfortable.

I have close male friends, I have one friend with whom I had a relationship (we were friends first, he then asked me out and we went out for a short time). We are still friends now, but there was certainly a period immediately after the relationship ended when we were less close, and things were more awkward, than before we went out together.

Oh, and to Horizon81 - if I asked him for sex, his response would be either "no, I'm in a relationship with [gf]" or "are you absolutely sure" (or possibly - "ask me again when you are sober") or maybe even "no, but I'm dead chuffed that you asked me".