My friend needs your help, wife threatening to take everything!!

Clive_Woody

fay144 wrote: »

If your friend wasn't happy with the labour split between him and his wife, then he should have told her to get off her bum and get a job a long, long time ago.

One could argue that, as I am reliably informed women are free thinking and capable of making decisions all on their own, that she could have decided herself to get off her lazy backside and go and get a job and contribute financially to the relationship.

Why should the onus be on the man to tell the woman what to do, no doubt she was quite capable of making decisions herself and was simply far too happy sitting around doing nothing. Now that she wants out she feel she 'deserves' a share of his hard earned money. I have little doubt in this mad world we live in she will get her greedy hands on exactly what she wants.

Feel free to disagree with me, but there are two sides to every story. Simply presenting this woman as his hard done by poor little down trodden housekeeper of a wife really is throwing in every stereotype in the book. For all we know he did ask her to go out and work and she was too lazy to do so and in essence deserves little or nothing of their joint wealth when she chooses to walk away.


....I shall await the inevtiable abuse I'll get for that post.

fay144

Clive_Woody wrote: »

One could argue that, as I am reliably informed women are free thinking and capable of making decisions all on their own, that she could have decided herself to get off her lazy backside and go and get a job and contribute financially to the relationship.

Why should the onus be on the man to tell the woman what to do, no doubt she was quite capable of making decisions herself and was simply far too happy sitting around doing nothing.

The point was that there is no point moaning about a situation 40 years after the event.

If her husband wasn't happy, then the onus was entirely upon him to make her aware of that - how else would she know? Plenty of couples consider raising a child and looking after the house as an equally important role in a relationship.

Personally, I would never give up my job to be a housewife, and could have no repect for a man who cared so little for his kids as to consider the childcare as my responsibility.

However, this couple, from what we know, seemed to live quite happily that way for a long time.

If he did indeed spent 40 years moaning about how hard he had to work and begging her to help out, then the courts might well award her less than 50%. But if not then it's tough luck - too late now.

Dan_Thunder

Has your friend ever heard of John Stonehouse?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Stonehouse

duchy

It isn't a matter of who is morally right or wrong-it's a matter of law.
He could have been the most unfaithful, wifebeating monster or an absolute saint-likewise she could have been a nagging spendthrift or another saint...it makes ZERO difference as we have what is essence "no fault" divorce.
Your question was "What can my "friend" do?" not Is this fair-and I doubt there is one side to this story anyway-and his wife may tell an entirely different tale. Aren't YOU "badmouthing" the wife behind her back anyway? Whatever the facts are it's very sad that forty years of marriage comes to this.

Feisty_Fairy wrote: »

Why does everone automatically start bad mouthing the husband?:T , when he has done nothing wrong except love this woman all the time they have been married and give her everything she has ever wanted in order to keep her happy, in return he has had nothing but nagging and complaining that they never 'do' anything as he was working 6/7 days a week running THEIR business!

She has never been a particularly affectionate woman and he put up with that too for over 40 years, she was 'homemaker' yes but that also almost stopped 10 years or so ago, she does look after the house in a fashion but all she cooks now is microwave- ready meals etc, she spends more time looking after her dog!:eek:

This poor man has done everything she has ever wanted for her and has even continued to work after she made him sell his business and last home to up sticks and move to the country, so he did this and has to continue to work to support them both, he is now retired (company policy) and is now looking for another job because they cant manage, if he had kept his business another 4/5 years to now and also his house he would have sold his house for more that triple what he bought it for and be financially stable but he did what SHE wanted and sold his house for the same amount they bought their current home for!:eek:

Come on peeps this man is the most un slfish person i know, cut him some slack!

teacup_2

Yes that is right they chose to live this way for a long time as that suited them. I hope things settle and they can both come to an amicable agreement. You dont stay with someone that long if you dont care about them( their is always an alternative, might not be as comfortable though ). Also if she had been unhappy she could have changed things when adult baby was leaving home age. But she didnt , but who knows it is not us in this partnership

Also personally I would not have typed what tao had written , as I consider my self to be more polite, and with people who you dont really know it is a lil cheeky. But what was written was written with exclamation marks at the end !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:T , not saying that makes it ok , but I read it as humouristic(maybe no such word ) , sort of thing that is written to get a reaction, and tao is probably having a right laugh at causing a debate on this thread:T :beer: especially from a bra burning loonie like me, now i really must get off my backside as I have been sat oat this computer on my backside for far to long today. I must try and justify to my hubby why i stay at home all day, first thing I will do is wash my hair !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but I love sitting around doing nothing !!!!!!
(warning this is my sense of humour dont take this seriously , as you will get high blood pressure):cool:

Clive_Woody

fay144 wrote: »

The point was that there is no point moaning about a situation 40 years after the event.

Absolutely, and I hope the courts tell her to quit her moaning. If she did nothing to secure her financial future and simply sat around sponging off her husband for 40 years then she deserves very little as a payout.


If I recall the OP said their child was now 40 so it's a hell of a long time since this woman was involved in any childcare. I see no reason why the man should have to tell her what to do, she is no doubt quite capable of making decisions herself and going out and getting a job. Clearly she was not inclined to earn a living, but now as you say she is moaning 40 years later about what she 'deserves'!

fay144

Clive_Woody wrote: »

Absolutely, and I hope the courts tell her to quit her moaning. If she did nothing to secure her financial future and simply sat around sponging off her husband for 40 years then she deserves very little as a payout.


If I recall the OP said their child was now 40 so it's a hell of a long time since this woman was involved in any childcare. I see no reason why the man should have to tell her what to do, she is no doubt quite capable of making decisions herself and going out and getting a job. Clearly she was not inclined to earn a living, but now as you say she is moaning 40 years later about what she 'deserves'!

We've obviously got very different ideas about the meaning of marriage. As far as I'm concerned, it is a partnership. I think the wealth generated, and the responsibilities taken on are done so jointly - and by and large, the law agrees.

This woman has looked after the house for 40 years, and I don't think it was with the calculated intention of taking him for every penny as soon as she got bored with him. She probably fully considered the house she was cleaning to be her home as much as his - and the courts would agree with her. She had no need to secure her future, and she has no need to moan about anything now. She simply needs to claim what she is entitled to.

It's her husband who should have secured his future, if he had ideas of ownership and entitlement which so stringly disagreed with the law, his wife, and common opinion of right and wrong (you seem to be in a very small minority here).

frenchconnection200

To be fair there are two ways of looking at this, one way is what marriage was like 40 years ago and one way is to look at it now.
My parents have been married 40 years and my mum has nothing, no pension and no savings, she worked part time jobs around my dad who worked away a lot but expected to come home to a perfect house. On the other hand I've always worked and I'm in a good pension scheme. If my parents split up she would be living off the state if my dad didn't support her, she hasn't been lazy in her life it's just how it was when she got married, she even got sacked from her job when she told her employer she was pregnant with me, imagine that now? If me and my OH split up I would struggle but I could probably manage financially, I'd go back to work full time, sell everything on ebay etc.
To get to the point, I think it's very difficult to make a judgement on this one if you are used to living in the modern world where women expect to work and contribute and society is more equal.

GreenNinja

Interesting thread!

Don't want to hijack it in any way but when I got divorced, my husband really believed that I was entitled to nothing from him.
We were together for 13 years and I worked full time for around 11 of those years.
His arguement was that "he paid for our nights out etc" and that he paid for most of our holidays and treated me to things such as clothes or jewellery.
His business which incidentally I took no percentage from when we divorced as he made me feel so guilty was worth £100,000 in stock alone. He told me that "I never worked one day" in the business and "never contributed one penny" so therefore deserved nothing.
I supported him and backed him 100% throughout our marriage, did everything in the house he never lifted a finger and was 100% faithful to him.
He on the other hand was having an affair for the entirety of our relationship and also had at least one other affair that I actually knew of during the duration of the relationship.

grahamliza4

When will people realise that getting married basically entitles the other party to half of what's yours? My mother in law moaned like hell about having to share her inheritance with her husband in her divorce but said that if his parents were dead and hers weren't she'd of course want half his! Duh.

Divorce always brings out the MINE MINE MINE! spoiled part of everyone. I have heard countless rants along the lines of 'I should get it all as she always burned my dinner', 'Its all mine because I've never really been happy'.

And I know prenuptial agreements werent around 20 years ago but this is how it is and stop moaning. If anyone has been unhappily married for 20 years and now wants to leave but doesnt want to split the assets 50/50 on the basis that they've been secretly unhappy then they are very stupid and have wasted their lives. And for what?

Yes there are lazy women out there who watch too much daytime TV and abusive men, and even vice-versa, but the longer you stay married there greater the 50/50 split thing will apply when you divorce. If you aren't happy, leave right away. Recently read of rich footballer whose wife of a year wanted 50% of future earnings and didn't get in on basis that they'd only been married 5 mins and she hadn't given up her life&career to raise his kids and keep house. If he'd stayed with her for 10years it'd be a different story I bet.

I think the couple mentioned in the original post should accept the 50/50. If a woman has persued no career during marriage it is assumed she's been a housewife and mother, therefore the man is expected to keep her as it's seen as her giving up her own career for him. If she didnt cook, clean and do all he expected of her then he should have talked about it to her and said he expected XYZ of her and if it still wasnt done to his liking, left. Harsh but true - you can't put up for that long and then suddenly claim you weren't happy. It doesnt wash.

I know a lot of couples where the man deals with the money side of it and in returns expects wife to look nice, clean house, deal with all childcare aspects and in return she gets to watch eastenders all evening and get her hair done each week. they are all quite happy with this, but you have to be happy on both sides with the arrangement. In comparison, I work as husband can't support us 100% financially, I would rather stay home with kids but just isnt possible so I get on with it. We share housework as why should I come home each day to just clean the kitchen while he sits on !!!! on sofa? At weekends if I have work he looks after kids. We are both happy with this and I feel we are perhaps more equal than other couples where one resents their role as chief breadwinner or head cleaner or whatever.