My friend needs your help, wife threatening to take everything!!

belfastgirl23

I'd say the best advice you could give him would be to tell him to see if he can work it out with his wife. Splitting up all their assets leaves them both with a much reduced standard of life. At the very least they should see if they can have some sort of mediation counselling to come to an agreement about how they divide assets. Their son might be 40 but there will still be times when they need to spend time together and it may as well be amicable for the sake of the rest of the family.

I'm guessing though that he was happy enough for her to be at home for those 40 years and he has accepted a level of financial responsibility for her. He can't treat her like an old shoe now and throw her away. And as someone who lives with a self employed person, it seems unlikely to me that she did not contribute to the business, even if it was by removing all other cares from him to enable him to work those heavy hours.

Do you by any chance have any stake in his financial future btw?

rchddap1

Your friend needs to see a solicitor. They'll be best placed to tell them what the soon to be ex it entitled to and what they are not entitled to. If he lets things take their course without legal advice then her solicitor will run rings round him.

pinkshoes

50/50 sounds fair to me! Some men just don't realise that instead of all this money they're raking in from working ridiculous long hours, a woman would actually rather have a husband who earned much less, but came home at 5pm and spent all evening with her!!

teacup_2

Personally this role may have suited them all ,and the husbandonce the 40 year old was out of nappies was happy for his wife to be a lady of leisure,as well later on. No one forced her to stay home that is right but perhaps when they were a partnership this was lovingly set between them and he was happy once adult baby grown up that he would be the worker ant.
No one has made assumptions but clearly given another view to what the original post contained which did seem one sided from the point of the friend posting(which I can understand as he is close to his friend and doesnt want to see his friend upset )
I read Tae81 post and could see the humour in it, I watched a programme on the oldest people in Britain yesterday , their was a man of 110 and he said the secret to his long life "was a sense of humour ". I would not read a tone into tao81 post as , I dont beleive it is said with any malice ,purely mockingly descriptive

Feisty_Fairy

Milky_Mocha wrote: »

She has looked after the home he so loves. She's spent more hours than he has raising their son. In my opinion she is absolutely entitled to at least half his earnings. Its 2007 and a lot of eyes have opened since the Dark Ages but still people don't realise the value of a home-maker and one-on-one attention to a growing baby/child.

In many cases (I don't know the specifics of this case but i'd bet its not hugely dissimilar) the 'working' spouse has been able to achieve all he has in his working life due to the backing and support of the stay-at-home spouse (not to mention cooking, house cleaning, invaluable advice giving, being home to receive his mail packages, giving him lifts to the airport for his business trips, patiently enduring his annoying habits but loving him anyway, taping his favourite TV shows while he's at work, patching his trousers, ok I'll stop now).

All too often when things go sour, all the 'working' spouse remembers is that she (and I appreciate it could be a he) came into the marriage with nothing but the clothes on her back.

Tell him to find a lawyer.

Thanks for your comments, and i agree in part with what you say

duchy

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Do you by any chance have any stake in his financial future btw?

That was my first thought too
If it's a correct assumption (and even if it isn't) it's worth considering that if a man thinks it's OK to do everything he can to ensure he pays the minimum to a woman he has shared his life with for forty years-He's unlikely to treat the next lady in his life any better when he decides to discard her too.

Feisty_Fairy

Tao81 wrote: »

:shocked:..........I am speechless!!!!!!!!!

Feisty_Fairy if you are of the female gender then you ought to feel throughly ashamed of yourself?!!............
As if the female role in the home and childrearing arena are not undervalued enough within modern society as it is?!! :eek: (Why do you think so few men take on the role, it can be crucifyingly difficult and thankless, that's why?!!)

We don't need stupidity like this here?!! ......Go post somewhere else where you will be assured the company of your fellow philistines!

What gives you the right to call my posting stupid? I am merely asking for some advice, if you cant say anything nice then dont say anything at all!:mad:

Slavery was rightly banned many moons ago?!!!

Trust me she is not and never was a slave, she lived a very happy and content life:eek:
However, some men remain callous enough to take the view that by simply re-branding it and giving it a slightly softer image, such as using the term housewife (knowing what this engenders), that this sly modern twist somehow gives them the authority and arrogant right to, without conscience, happily inflict the same injustices on a fellow human being here in the 21st Century??????!!!!!!!!! Astonishing!!!!!

I'm behind her all the way:T.......She's deserves a future too!.....
I dont remember saying she doesnt deserve a future too, but why should she be able to sit back and relax AGAIN while he may have to go out and earn again as he still has to support her?? He is supposed to be retired!!
especially in view of all the hard work and commitment she has put in to the relationship, children and the home.

How do you know she put any effort into any of the above?? Dont just assume!:mad:

I wish her every good fortune during this tough battle!
She doesn't deserve such lousy treatment, my heart goes out to her!:heartpuls

She is not being treated lousy, everyone is doing exactly as she wants and now she wants more! He moved out cos she asked him to, she then went to visit family (claiming she wasnt coming back) for 9 weeks and was driven there and back and made him pay fuel costs when she got bored!

I completely agree that she should be entitled to something maybe even 1/2 but not of his earnings and pension etc in the future, if thats the case he may aswell stay married to her if he still has to support her, whats the point in divorce if it counts for nothing?

Rant over!

Feisty_Fairy

duchy wrote: »

That was my first thought too
If it's a correct assumption (and even if it isn't) it's worth considering that if a man thinks it's OK to do everything he can to ensure he pays the minimum to a woman he has shared his life with for forty years-He's unlikely to treat the next lady in his life any better when he decides to discard her too.

LOL ha ha ha i am NOT the next lady in his life!:T

Feisty_Fairy

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I'd say the best advice you could give him would be to tell him to see if he can work it out with his wife. Splitting up all their assets leaves them both with a much reduced standard of life. At the very least they should see if they can have some sort of mediation counselling to come to an agreement about how they divide assets. Their son might be 40 but there will still be times when they need to spend time together and it may as well be amicable for the sake of the rest of the family.

I'm guessing though that he was happy enough for her to be at home for those 40 years and he has accepted a level of financial responsibility for her. He can't treat her like an old shoe now and throw her away. And as someone who lives with a self employed person, it seems unlikely to me that she did not contribute to the business, even if it was by removing all other cares from him to enable him to work those heavy hours.

Do you by any chance have any stake in his financial future btw?

I agree that he still has responsibilty, and he does still care for her and accepts that he always will care and have a certain amount of responsibilty towards her, he is not discarding her like an old shoe!

Clive_Woody

Tao81 wrote: »

:shocked:..........I am speechless!!!!!!!!!

Feisty_Fairy if you are of the female gender then you ought to feel throughly ashamed of yourself?!!............
As if the female role in the home and childrearing arena are not undervalued enough within modern society as it is?!! :eek: (Why do you think so few men take on the role, it can be crucifyingly difficult and thankless, that's why?!!)

We don't need stupidity like this here?!! ......Go post somewhere else where you will be assured the company of your fellow philistines!

Slavery was rightly banned many moons ago?!!!
However, some men remain callous enough to take the view that by simply re-branding it and giving it a slightly softer image, such as using the term housewife (knowing what this engenders), that this sly modern twist somehow gives them the authority and arrogant right to, without conscience, happily inflict the same injustices on a fellow human being here in the 21st Century??????!!!!!!!!! Astonishing!!!!!

I'm behind her all the way:T.......She's deserves a future too!..... especially in view of all the hard work and commitment she has put in to the relationship, children and the home.

I wish her every good fortune during this tough battle!
She doesn't deserve such lousy treatment, my heart goes out to her!:heartpuls

I think you may have just won the award for the most rude and ignorant post 2007. :T

Normally these are seperate awards, but thanks to the dross you posted above you have demonstrated just how deserving you are of both these titles.