I Think She Has Munchausen's Syndrome?

[Deleted User]

I would hope that the OP would remember the sympathy and understanding she has been given on here, and translate that into sympathy, understanding and support for her daughter in law. Sometimes we play out roles of people who were judgemental in our younger lives. I wonder if this is what is happening with the OPs daughter in law. The OP has described the abuse she suffered and she watched her mother/brother experience. I wonder if she is acting out what she learned? I have seen this in my ex. He had a very tough, critical time as a child.., but when dealing with his own children its as if sometimes his personality changes and he becomes someone else.., someone very critical and with no comprehension of how children work and learn. As a consequence he is distanced from all of his children. Is something similiar happening with your daughter in law, is something about her similiar to how your father described you (true or not) and it just sets something off in you?

My older son's grandmother hardly sees anything of my son. She thought I was totally unsuitable for her darling son. Totally condemned me even though she hardly knew me. I stopped going there. I was very lonely. I would have loved to have had a mother figure who was supportive. Now she's ill and alone. It could have been very different. I would have loved it to have been very different.

I know I went through three or four child minders before I found two that I was very happy using for some time, with total trust. Up until then it seemed like I'd never find one I'd feel happy leaving my son with. Being a first time mum, is very much a learning process.

Who knows maybe your daughter in law finds it difficult to trust and is playing out things that happened to her when younger? I mean so far you have said she 'forced' your son to have a baby with her, now she's got maunchesen's by proxy (which she hasn't, she's just very anxious and uncertain) and instead of offering support you are once again, condemning her.

Like I said, give her the sympathy and support you'd want for yourself.

bluelass

My step sons partner was seen by her GP last Friday and has been given a rapid referral to see a consultant from the local mental health team. This tells me problems have been picked up on by the GP as the appointment is tomorrow and that is very quick by NHS standards.

duchy

So what are you doing to help ?

bluelass

duchy wrote: »

So what are you doing to help ?

I cant help her im not a qualified medical professional. These things are better left to professionals.

duchy

Really ?
You believe she is ill- she has a young family and a home to run .......and you can't think of a single way you could help this young family at such a difficult time ?

Let me see

You could offer to have the child whilst she is at her appointment
You could bake or prepare dinners so they weren't having to cook
You could send flowers
You could tell your stepson to bring the washing to you so you could wash and iron it
There's a thousand things you could do

You don't need to be a medical professional to show caring or compassion -or to offer to make life easier.

If my partner was so cold towards my adult child at such a difficult time - I'd be seriously wondering whether I needed him in my life and I'm sure he'd be the same if I was so cold towards his children and grandchildren. This is family for goodness sake !!!

Frankly you aren't getting any younger and outward beauty fades so not to be relied on to hold onto a husband - perhaps you could try and cultivate some inner beauty and show your husband that his family matter to you too.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

bluelass wrote: »

I cant help her im not a qualified medical professional. These things are better left to professionals.

Well, it's certainly better left to them to diagnose and treat any illness, compared to having some middleaged harpy who thinks she looks like some posh bint (who made her own sister's walk up the aisle all about the shape and size of her arze rather than let her have her special day) declaring that she's nutty/a bad person/has a serious mental illness, that's for sure.

System

Your DiL sounds like she needs you and your husband's support, not your judgmental scorning.

BrassicWoman

bluelass wrote: »

I cant help her im not a qualified medical professional. These things are better left to professionals.

There is literally nothing practical you could do to help this struggling family?

Nothing?

[Deleted User]

Please. I remember those sleepless, stressful worrying days so well. It was one long nightmare. Turned out later on my sons had ASD.., but no one knew that then.., I just was sleepless, working long hours with no support at all. You could help. And you might feel better about yourself as well if you focused on supporting rather than criticising. Criticising is just about you knocking someone else down so you feel better. Time to stop because it rarely works and does a lot of harm.

It doesn't seem to have occurred to you, but your daughter in law must be feeling pretty terrible to have spoken to the GP so desperately she's been given such a quick referral? Its not a validation of your criticism, its a sign of how bad she's feeling.

Think about how bad your father made you feel and what a difference a bit of support and encouragement might have made you feel. This is a chance for you to do some healing that no one but yourself can do.

duchy

It seems the OP thinks proving to a forum that her DIL may have some unspecified MH issue is the priority and helping her step son's family has not even occurred to her. As the DIL according to her previous post does turn to her FIL for help and advice it makes it even odder.

If a neighbour or colleague let alone family was in the DILs/Step son's situation most people's reaction would be - "How upsetting for them - I wonder if I can offer any help" not "Ha ! See I was right all along" to a bunch of strangers.

Your reaction isn't a normal one OP and your husband is probably wondering why you are so cold towards his son's family.