Gifted Children

moomoomama27

I think the most important thing to remember, teachers, and nursery teachers do use lots if throw away language, like bright, clever, gifted etc, and really it just means they are above average!

I overdo ally wouldn't be pushing too far at age 3 years old.

quidsy

FBaby wrote: »

Why one or the other? I did wonder at one stage that DD might start to struggle when things would get a bit harder as she got used to doing very little work to get top grades, but she has proven that this is not the case at all. She studies very hard and will spend many hours going over her GCSE books, doing practice exercises.

She is a very hard working pupil, naturally quite competitive anyway and really likes to push herself whatever she does. Teachers normally comment more on her dedication than on her intellectual ability. I really hate this attitude that because you are clever you are lazy. The two are not exclusive.

i didnt say the 2 were exclusive only that many kids spend early years being told how clever they are etc and find the work easy then when actual skills in study & effort is needed they don't know how. not sure how you got a slight against your own child from it but one wasnt made!

ViolaLass

silly_moo wrote: »

The nursery keep praising him for being really clever and keep mentioning all the little things he can do that are beyond his age. When he was just two the nursery said he knows more about letters and numbers than most of their pre-schoolers.

I would jump on this - get them to praise him for effort, not for 'being clever'. The latter will not help in the long run.

silly_moo

Thanks a lot everyone. Lots of useful info, some things I never thought about - like praising him for his effort rather than being clever. I will have to re-read all the comments later, possibly taking notes this time so I don't miss anything.

For now I think we'll try lots of different topics with him to see if he finds something particularly interesting. We try to tell him about the world, animals, planets - little bits of information (like the trees are moving because the wind blows etc) but we'll maybe buy a few nature dvds to put on for him as well.

I have had a keyboard on a shopping list for a while - I'll maybe get one for Christmas so he can play about with it (he likes the piano at granny's).

And we'll carry on with the word games, numbers games and jigsaws as usual as he really enjoys them and asks for them every day.

GaleSF63

What about a xylophone? They seem to vary from the basic small child's toy all the way up to professional instruments so (if he was interested) could be as challenging as he wanted it to be.

Or just something to bang and annoy his parents with when he felt like being a normal 3-year-old!

FBaby

not sure how you got a slight against your own child from it but one wasnt made!

I used my child as an illustration that actually my view is that most clever children also are naturally hard working.

It is better to teach your kids that effort is a much more valued trait than intellect.

And I don't agree with this. Why teach a clever child that effort is MORE valued? Both are values and they should make the best of both.

Your post illustrates that ultimately, there is some looking down on clever children and that is the reason why they sometimes can feel embarrassed about it. My experience is that there are more clever children trying to hide that they are to be accepted, then clever children not making efforts because they are lazy.

VfM4meplse

FBaby wrote: »

Your post illustrates that ultimately, there is some looking down on clever children and that is the reason why they sometimes can feel embarrassed about it. My experience is that there are more clever children trying to hide that they are to be accepted, then clever children not making efforts because they are lazy.

The level of envy and effort on this board by adults to diminish the perspective of an OP, particularly wrt talented children is baffling (albeit consistent).

The OP would have been better off posting on Mumsnet.

Lunar_Eclipse

FBaby wrote: »

I used my child as an illustration that actually my view is that most clever children also are naturally hard working.


My experience is that there are more clever children trying to hide that they are to be accepted, then clever children not making efforts because they are lazy.

This is what I have experienced too.

Gifted children learn quickly and get bored easily. But they can also be perfectionists and in my experience enjoy learning for learning's sake, which perhaps make them hard working. There can also then be 'pressure' (expectations voiced by other pupils!) to always come top in everything!

No-one would ever choose to have gifted kids, for many reasons. The state sector certainly doesn't offer much in my experience, certainly when you're highly gifted and beyond. Clever would be more than enough. Average makes for the easiest, happiest life I believe, statistically speaking.

quidsy

My view is that without effort & perseverance, intellect is not enough. Not that it is better but imo it is more valuable to teach your children that effort is required to succeed. Tiger woods didn't just become world champ at golf, he nurtured his natural talent with hard work, training & effort. Without those things he would just be a decent golfer.

It's very hard to have a discussion like this as so many posters take comments suggesting that either their "gifted" child is just very bright or that in future their abilities might be challenged in ways they are not prepared for, like it is some personal attack. It isn't.

Op I would suggest you look up Mindset & Carol Dweck. It is a very interesting concept & one I have tried to take on board with my own bright 8 year old. He finds things easy too but I try to instil in him that even though he might know answers or understand things straight away it is still worth putting in the effort to find out how & why the answer was what it was & praise him for his efforts instead of for being "such a clever boy".
Not all kids will want to find out the answer to things if they know the answer already.

Better_Days

quidsy wrote: »

i didnt say the 2 were exclusive only that many kids spend early years being told how clever they are etc and find the work easy then when actual skills in study & effort is needed they don't know how. not sure how you got a slight against your own child from it but one wasnt made!

I agree, all the intelligence and 'gifts' in the world won't help a child to reach their potential if they don't apply themselves, and also don't learn social skills, and how to interact with others.

My mother spent years telling my sister, and anyone else who would listen, how gifted and clever she was, how she was brighter than her siblings and her peer group, how wonderful she was, and moaning to other siblings 'why can't you be more like x?'

My sister is simply of above average intelligence. My mothers approach has done her no favours at all. She grew up with an inflated view of her abilities and her place in the world. Now she is frankly miserable, with difficulty in holding down a job and social relationships.

So IME there are two things going on here. Some parents do have an exaggerated view of their child's abilities. Children maybe described as gifted when in fact they are above the average level of intelligence. Or clever, when in fact they are average. Or indeed, because children develop at different rates, are 'good at x for their age'.

I know a mother who is refreshingly honest about her children. She says the oldest is brighter, but has no common sense. e.g. she will run a bath but forget to put the plug in. The younger is not so bright but is much more grounded and sensible. This IME is rarer than parents simply concentrating on where the child does well.

Parents do boast about how gifted their children are at this or that, and from the outside it is not easy to separate the wheat from the chaff, what is boasting and what is actually genuine talent. This is not envy, but a recognition that a parents assessment of their child's abilities is not always accurate. Also, I suspect the terms gifted and talented are often used in a wider way, rather than the more narrow educational definition.

The other thing is that how parents deal with their gifted children, their siblings, wider family and family dynamics. Children need the space to be themselves and explore their own strengths, not be constantly compared with their siblings.

The focus on one child in a family is both damaging to the child and the other siblings, and their relationships as adults - I've seen it when I was growing up, and I can now see it with my SIL who favours the oldest son to a frankly astonishing extent.

There has been lots of practical advice on this thread about how to nurture gifts and talents, some very interesting and creative. Just to say it is important, as some have pointed out, not to just focus on the gifts and talents, but on the child as a whole and how the child interacts in society.

The only other thing I would say about this is the way some parents boost their own view of self worth through their children. This does not make for a healthy dynamic, it is neither good for the child, nor the parent.