Gifted Children

Person_one

They were probably trying to be sensitive towards the first mum. People aren't perfect!

quidsy

What's the point of stating this though when it doesn't relate to the OP?



People pointed out to the op that a 3 year old might not be gifted based on 1) their age/ability variation & 2) that Nursery staff quite often use the words "clever" about every child, even if they are just using a spoon properly.


The op asked for suggestions on how to support their childs abilities. My suggestion was to focus of reward for effort & not on the natural ability as often a child being told they are clever or a genius can actually be detrimental to their developing skills.

FBaby

You do seem to be taking this very personally though! I'm sure your kids are very bright. You certainly write well and these things do tend to be inherited!

Ha ha, I write dreadfully and that is my biggest frustration and embarrassment, but thanks for the compliment

I see how I come across as taking it personally but only using my kids as an example, I think I feel more frustrated that they feel, like many clever kids, the need to hide it because of concerns over people's perception.

Unless your children are tested for your IQ (and EQ), you are unlikely to really know how clever they are. You can only go by you comparing with kids you know, by what professionals tell you, and by their academic results, and even then, it will not give the full picture, let alone a clear vision of the future.

My father was one of those kids who really struggled at school and was treated as a child who 'will never amount to anything successful in life'. My father has done extremely well in his career and has shown amazing skills that do require academic knowledge. The issue was that he couldn't understand let alone apply concepts, and was just bored in class. However, he is the most determined and stubborn person I know, and that with a good degree of confidence has led him to success.

I speak to my kids more about the value of determination than pure intellect, but I do want them to feel positive about their level of intelligence too. It makes me laugh that I will now systematically ask them if I need to do a quick calculation as they will do it twice quicker than me!

FBaby

They were probably trying to be sensitive towards the first mum. People aren't perfect!

Absolutely, and I think it was right to take her feelings into consideration, but it wasn't pleasant for colleague 2 and it is because of such response that many feel self-conscious talking about their clever kids.

FBaby

quidsy wrote: »

What's the point of stating this though when it doesn't relate to the OP?



People pointed out to the op that a 3 year old might not be gifted based on 1) their age/ability variation & 2) that Nursery staff quite often use the words "clever" about every child, even if they are just using a spoon properly.


The op asked for suggestions on how to support their childs abilities. My suggestion was to focus of reward for effort & not on the natural ability as often a child being told they are clever or a genius can actually be detrimental to their developing skills.

That's fair enough (and indeed, I pointed out myself on the first page how people working with children were often quick at over exaggerating children's abilities). Saying that, I don't agree with the last sentence. I do think that it is about how it is said and in which context, but my opinion is that it is the other way around, not acknowledging your children's abilities can be detrimental to their development skills.

quidsy

I didn't say not to acknowledge the natural ability but to not focus on it.


There is a difference.


eg: It helps that you are good at maths but all the study & effort really paid off.


As opposed to: Well done for being so clever.

FBaby

Well done for being so clever

Ha ha, I see what you mean. Can't ever imagine saying this to my kids.

Then again, I have only ever heard this being said by nursery teachers to young kids when implying that they had used their brain power to work something out, ie. made a mental effort!

quidsy

I went to a very interesting talk by a local head who was talking about mindset, he asked how many of us have seen a piece of "art" from our young children & said "oh darling, that's so good you are soooo clever & so good at art" lol (Quite a few hands shot up, not mine, my ds art is terrible, he gets a encouraging, hmm, that's...nice? lol)


He then said, imagine telling your child, "what a great picture, you put a lot of work into it & your elephant is very interesting."


It's a subtle difference & one that many parents don't recognize but to the child, they are being told "you tried, you put effort in & you did well" all things that encourage them to carry on doing.


With the former they are being told what good artists they are.


Which of course most aren't & when they start getting graded at school for their "Art", will have to deal with disappointment that doesn't tally with what they are hearing from mum & dad. Which can in turn discourage future efforts for fear of failure. There is a lot more to it but this is one of the basic principles.


The whole talk was a real eye opener for me & after we started using effort based praised as opposed to ability based saw positive results in the way ds approaches his studies.

Goldiegirl

Person_one wrote: »

Gosh, so many gifted people and parents of gifted children just on this little forum! What are the odds?

The title of the thread is obviously going to attract people who have gifted children or have been described as gifted.


That's why it seems as if a high proportion of posters are gifted.


(no I'm not gifted!)

Mojisola

quidsy wrote: »

The whole talk was a real eye opener for me & after we started using effort based praised as opposed to ability based saw positive results in the way ds approaches his studies.

My parents always encouraged us to do our best and congratulated us on our results whatever they were. One of my siblings was able to achieve high results with very little work; others of us worked tirelessly to get the grades we achieved.

If they had given the brightest of us the highest praise for doing what came easily, I think I would have stopped making the efforts I put into getting my lower grades.