Have I made a mistake?

*Robin*

If you put this on the relationships board you'd have four pages of responses by tonight, OP.

I'd put money on it being one of those rare, rare threads where every single post offers a unanimous opinion.

Go. Sell the big house oop North. He can move back to his Mum's or follow you if he really loves you and suddenly finds a work ethic (I'd also bet which option he'll choose - sorry).

bouicca21

You need to look at yourself very carefully to analyse why you love this man who sounds like a deadbeat. Is he? If he doesn't earn does he do the househusband bit? Clean, cook? Look at the contribution without thinking money.

Then start working out if he has a realistic prospect of finding an income. Sounds a bit like a fantasist.

Does he actually know how you feel? When he asks when you are selling up in London, have you tried responding 'when you have a job and can pay your way?'

When you have considered all this then I suspect you will be either be heading back to London or staying put after kicking him out.

Being single is not sad. It is liberating. No compromises, no one to please but yourself. I really like it.

Talc1234

SarahHH wrote: »

However he left that job after 6 months. He got another one but also left that

He pretty much lies on the bed all day.

I gave up a great job in London to move up here. He tells me to sell the London flat asap

he is contributing nothing.

It's been 3 years since we met and I am yet to see a penny from him.

When he did work in London, he didn't help out as he wanted to clear his debts, which he still has not done.

He'll probably leave me over it.

I am starting to lose a lot of money, and put my own plans on hold.

My son lives in the US and when I went out to see him, my partner was clearly jealous

If I ask for a lift to Asda, he rolls his eyes and tells me to hurry

I think you've answered your own question

Take a deep breath and follow what your heart says

-taff

I stayed for 10 years with someone like that. If I had been single, i could have retired in 5 years time.

You are not his mother or his bank account.

TBeckett100

Sarah, please

You are with someone who is using you to fund a pipe dream. Under no circumstances do you hand over money to him when it is clear that he cannot manage his own finances or behave like a man and start providing

You give him an ultimatum, either he finds a job back in London or you will go back alone and sell the M house.

When the money is gone, that's when the business fails, you'll be left resentful, penniless and both arguing

That inheritance money was as the result of someone's life and all they worked for. Do not throw it away.

moneyistooshorttomention

Another take on asking a friends advice - ask what your son has to say about this.

If he is someone genuinely concerned about his parents' life - then he will probably be rather blunt in his assessment of the situation - but truthful and genuinely concerned for your welfare. So if he calls you several sorts of a fool for the situation that has developed - then you would do well to listen to him - as he probably has your best interests at heart and knows you better than a lot of other people do.

Some adult children are quite capable of telling home truths to their parents - if they think they are making a big mistake in their life.

Cheeky_Monkey

Can I suggest that you finish your relationship with him and ask him to move out before you put your house on the market.

Otherwise he just might be so resentful that he's losing his meal ticket that he blocks the sale in any way he can.

Don't forget, if he's living there when the sale process starts, he would have to sign a document confirming that he will leave on completion and, frankly, he sounds like such a free loader that I wouldn't mind betting he refuses because he'd have to go back to his mum's and actually pay her rent!

Janetta

Hi Sarah,
You sound hardworking, motivated & a kind person who has been abused emotionally & financially.

The beauty of this forum is the excellent advice everyone has given you - yet in your heart of heart when on your own " you know what you have to do " end it, as painful as it will be.

You can do this and as you read each response - begin to formulate your plan.

1. Put your needs first for a change.
2 . Sit with him/ write etc let him know your position - the relationship is over ( or you need a long long break )
3. Dont move out - pack all his stuff together / redirect all his mail / change the locks.

4. Put the up north property up for sale, while you start applying for jobs in London

5. Cut your losses & start again with the priority of your self & your son.

Dont sit around going over over everything he does wrong / should have done / wanted or may do ...

Focus on what you want, how you get there and what you need to do to move forward. You are strong, capable and resilient.

How do I know this ?

Just what you have had to put up with in your relationship - most people would have cut & run earlier.

Let go of any bitterness, anger etc and start actioning what you want in your life. In time to come you will look back at the wasted time.

In your next post - start trying to focus on what you intend to do, by when etc

As you are unemployed, mix it up a little - go for walks, join a gym, get on youtube / social media and see successful women who have turned round their situation for the better.

Come on YOU can do this.

SuzieSue

Cheeky_Monkey wrote: »

Can I suggest that you finish your relationship with him and ask him to move out before you put your house on the market.

And get the locks changed.

SarahHH_2

Re my son - he doesn't have any time for my partner, and this was almost a deal breaker for me. The three of us were living in my London flat, and my partner would nag my son to wash up more, etc. and even told him to get a job (!). One day I asked my son what he thought, as he'd kept quiet, and he said "omg, he's an idiot, mum, what are you doing with him?" That was in April or so, and he's pretty open with me about it now, saying he's there for me if I choose to leave the guy.

My brother is also unhappy about all this, telling me that he's concerned that the guy seemed fine to work up until he met me, and now, well, isn't so concerned.