Have I made a mistake?

TBeckett100

Poor OP, I'm not sure it's the advice she is looking for but its better to be sobbing on the driving seat of a Mercedes rather than the bones of your backside

Cheeky_Monkey

SuzieSue wrote: »

And get the locks changed.

Absolutely :T

TBeckett100

SarahHH wrote: »

Re my son - he doesn't have any time for my partner, and this was almost a deal breaker for me. The three of us were living in my London flat, and my partner would nag my son to wash up more, etc. and even told him to get a job (!). One day I asked my son what he thought, as he'd kept quiet, and he said "omg, he's an idiot, mum, what are you doing with him?" That was in April or so, and he's pretty open with me about it now, saying he's there for me if I choose to leave the guy.

My brother is also unhappy about all this, telling me that he's concerned that the guy seemed fine to work up until he met me, and now, well, isn't so concerned.

Bingo
Those closest can smell the whiff of what is going on. The difference between them and you is a) they have natural love and want to protect you b) your rose tinted specs aren't their prescription

TBeckett100

To test the water, tell him you are moving back to London. That will test the metal of the Man.

If he loves you like you love him, he'll move like you did. If he wants an easy life of rent free and to wangle cash off you, you'll have destroyed his plan and his attitude will change

carefullycautious

:eek: Thank god you had the presence of mind to use your inheritance by purchasing a home you can resell and recoup funds from plus also keeping your London home.


There has been many a man or woman who have sold up and lost everything trying to keep a lazy !!!!!!


You are one of the fortunate ones who still have options many don't and have to leave with the clothes they stand up in.

moneyistooshorttomention

So your son has already given his verdict. Your brother has come out with the same verdict.

Need I say more?

Game, set, match....

I think right now the question to ask yourself too is not so much "Do I love him?" but "Does he love me?" We all know, deep down, don't we what actions by others indicate they truly love/care for us and which ones don't.

Ask yourself "If he genuinely loved and cared for me/wanted the best for me - then how would he be acting towards me now?" I'd be willing to bet the answer you give yourself would be very different to the way he is actually treating you.

Believe me - I asked myself that question many years ago about a man I was crazy about. I answered that question for myself by thinking "Well..he wouldn't be treating me like this/that/etc for sure". I have never been more correct in my life - I chucked him instantly and its one of the best decisions I ever made.

kazwookie

OP

Move this guy out of your house you are being used, back to his mothers, change the locks.
Sell the house up north
Move back to your London house
Get a job
Start a new social life
Good luck

pinkshoes

SarahHH wrote: »

Re my son - he doesn't have any time for my partner, and this was almost a deal breaker for me. The three of us were living in my London flat, and my partner would nag my son to wash up more, etc. and even told him to get a job (!). One day I asked my son what he thought, as he'd kept quiet, and he said "omg, he's an idiot, mum, what are you doing with him?" That was in April or so, and he's pretty open with me about it now, saying he's there for me if I choose to leave the guy.

My brother is also unhappy about all this, telling me that he's concerned that the guy seemed fine to work up until he met me, and now, well, isn't so concerned.

So basically EVERYONE (including this forum) is telling you to sell the up north house, move back to London, and get your life/careerback!

People often forget how important financial compatibility is in a relationship.

This relationship sounds terminal...

goodwithsaving

I was so glad when you said the house was solely in your name.
It sounds like you know what you have to do. Look after YOU. You don't get two shots at life. Don't waste time and your money on somebody who doesn't make any effort, takes things seemingly forgranted and do it before it's too late.

Ulfar

The relationship is over, the fact you have come on here and the content of your original post shows this. Yes it will be painful and messy but better now than years down the line.

I agree with others about getting him to move out and then changing the locks, I wouldn't mention your plans to go back to London. He could be vindictive and try and scupper the house sale.

You did the right thing by buying the house solely in your name.