Have I made a mistake?

born2shine

SarahHH wrote: »

Thanks all. I am also starting to feel resentful, esp when his family and friends say things like "ooh he's doing well, look at his house!" when in fact I've paid 100% of everything. He doesn't work, owes thousands, and has the worst credit file I've seen.

I don't understand how some men can feel so comfortable being a sponge of their lady, even if he can't afford to give you cash he should be trying to make it up in other ways and be working towards making his situation better for the both of you.

Have you made a mistake? Yes. But hope is definitely not all lost, sell the house up north and come back to London and start again. Yours was only three years, some people get used for 30. Guys see kind hearted people like you coming, from what I've read, your partner has no intention of making the situation better, cut your loss NOW!

born2shine

Ulfar wrote: »

You did the right thing by buying the house solely in your name.

Even if he wanted to I don't think he could have been a joint owner anyway with his mountain of debt and employment status

Mojisola

born2shine wrote: »

I don't understand how some men can feel so comfortable being a sponge of their lady, even if he can't afford to give you cash he should be trying to make it up in other ways and be working towards making his situation better for the both of you.

I can't understand how anybody - male or female - can behave like this towards their partner.

If the 'sponger' had any true feelings of love and respect towards their partner, they would be acting as you say.

DCFC79

born2shine wrote: »

I don't understand how some men can feel so comfortable being a sponge of their lady, even if he can't afford to give you cash he should be trying to make it up in other ways and be working towards making his situation better for the both of you.

Just what I was thinking, he would do what he could to get a job any job to pay his way.

I agree sell the house and move back to London. The guys an idiot.

DCFC79

Mojisola wrote: »

I can't understand how anybody - male or female - can behave like this towards their partner.

I don't understand it either.

Winter_Phoenix

Beware - when you tell him that you intend to sell the house and move back to London, this will almost certainly be the moment when he tells you tearfully that he loves you, can't live without you, will get a job and change to be a better person in every way. Then he'll probably propose to you.

Don't be fooled. He's seeing his meal ticket disappear over the horizon, that's all. If you let him pull the wool over your eyes, than in a year's time you'll be even worse off (especially if you marry him).

As everyone else has said, get out of the relationship now. Send him home to mum. Change the locks. Put the house on the market. Ignore all blandishments, tears, promises, and bunches of red roses. If you begin to waver, call your son or your brother.

Good luck!

densol_2

I agree with everything said ! I was in the same position and married the leech !! However I was then made ill by work and saw my career disappear ..... And guess who disappeared within 4 months after !!! Sickness and in health ! .... No he found someone else to leech after and 192 records show they bought a house together ! My clean break divorce was the best thing ever ! I only ever refer to him as the " Stepfather " ..... Evil leech of a man !

lessonlearned

I agree with the consensus on here, but would strongly advise that you play your cards very close to your chest......

Do not divulge your plans to him.

Before you do anything have a chat with your solicitor to ensure he has no legal rights. He shouldn't have but it will help you to be confident and assertive if he starts to get awkward. You will be able to quote the solicitor chapter and verse without getting flustered.

He sounds like the sort of person who will fight dirty and will pounce on you if you show any hesitation or sign of weakness. You need to be cool and calm, no scenes, no tears.

Then you put your plan into action.

1. Tell him it's over and ensure he leaves, taking all his goods and chattels with him. Don't give him any excuses to revist or enter your home.

2. Change the locks, phone numbers etc. You don't need midnight phone calls from him, pleading for youmto,take him back.

3. Allow a few weeks for things to settle before you put the house on the market. Use the time to prepare the house for sale.

4. Sell the house, do not vacate until legal completion.

5. Move back to London and start a new life.

dont look back with regret, dont fall for his tears and blandishments.

Hes had 3 years to up his game during which time he has done nithing but take you for a ride. That is not love, he has been using you.

Sorry to be so blunt but get out now - whilst you still can.

SarahHH_2

Guys, I just wanted to thank you all so, so much for your kind words. I can't believe how much it's helped to write it down and read your replies. I don't have a lot of friends, largely through choice, so it's been great to be able to get opinions from you all.

I'm back to London alone this weekend so will take stock and see what I can do.

Thank you all again. Really much appreciated x

SarahHH_2

goodwithsaving wrote: »

I was so glad when you said the house was solely in your name.
It sounds like you know what you have to do. Look after YOU. You don't get two shots at life. Don't waste time and your money on somebody who doesn't make any effort, takes things seemingly forgranted and do it before it's too late.

Thank you :-)