Have I made a mistake?

GaleSF63

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Sarah, please

You are with someone who is using you to fund a pipe dream. Under no circumstances do you hand over money to him when it is clear that he cannot manage his own finances or behave like a man and start providing

It looks more like he is using you so that he doesn't even have to bother with the pipe dream and will just go on doing nothing.

Get rid, sell the house, back to London and start enjoying yourself. You aren't enjoying life much at the moment are you?

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

This boils down to

"Everything is awful but there is something I could do that I know would make it better. Should I do the thing and make it better or should I endure the awfulness?"

moneyistooshorttomention

Winter_Phoenix wrote: »

Beware - when you tell him that you intend to sell the house and move back to London, this will almost certainly be the moment when he tells you tearfully that he loves you, can't live without you, will get a job and change to be a better person in every way. Then he'll probably propose to you.

Don't be fooled. He's seeing his meal ticket disappear over the horizon, that's all. If you let him pull the wool over your eyes, than in a year's time you'll be even worse off (especially if you marry him).

As everyone else has said, get out of the relationship now. Send him home to mum. Change the locks. Put the house on the market. Ignore all blandishments, tears, promises, and bunches of red roses. If you begin to waver, call your son or your brother.

Good luck!

That's a very good point too:T

I bet he will come out with the tears, etc bit at that point. Remember the phrase "crocodile tears" and be firm. Its not just women who can turn on the tears if it suits them. It happens...

The point too re him possibly being vindictive and trying to block the house sale if he knows about it. It wont be easy to ensure he cant block it - and I suggest you make sure he has moved out BEFORE the house goes on the market (or before any mention of that even).

When some people decide to turn vindictive they wont even necessarily act logically. Some people can be so determined to be vindictive (if they have decided to be) that they will even "bite off their own nose to spite their face" and do things that go against all logic and their own best interests - because of their sheer level of determination to be vindictive. I wouldn't have believed it could be so at one time - but am watching it in action on a variety of levels (both community and personal) and am gobsmacked at how stupid and hurtful to themselves personally some people can be if they get set on being vindictive.

Believe me whole groups can stand there and be illogical enough to shoot themselves in the foot - and laugh whilst doing so - out of sheer determination to be vindictive (whilst you stand there thoroughly puzzled at anyone acting that way).

His family sound just the sort to go in for illogical vindictiveness. Never underestimate just how nasty a jealous person can be - and his family are obviously jealous of you.

bouicca21

With others on get him out before you mention return to London or possible sale. And change locks when he's gone. But be prepared to get some legal advice on what to do if he refuses to go ...

moneyistooshorttomention

Pre-emptive. Pre-emptive.

As LessonLearned says - get that legal advice in advance (so you are quite sure of yourself in your own head).

amersall

Can I suggest that you finish your relationship with him and ask him to move out before you put your house on the market.

Otherwise he just might be so resentful that he's losing his meal ticket that he blocks the sale in any way he can.

Ditto,very sensible given the circumstances.

pinkteapot

Couldn't agree with LessonLearned's post more. Get legal advice, then end the relationship and chuck him out, then put the house on the market and plan your move back.

If you try and sell with him there you risk pointless arguments over him getting some of the cash (even if legally he's not entitled), and him blocking the sale by leaving the place in a state when you've got viewings, refusing to leave on completion, etc.

If viewers get wind of a relationship break-up with both parties living in the house, it may put some off if they think one party will cause problems with the sale.

He goes first, then the house.

To thank us all for the advice, come back in 6 months or a year and tell us what happened.

moneyistooshorttomention

Good point - re coming back and telling us.

This will be useful view on things for future people in the same situation as to what happened - from start to finish - so they can better judge for themselves how to act in such circumstances.

Seconded - re earlier comment - and threads that are totally unanimous are very rare indeed. Not one single one of us disagreeing for once.

LannieDuck

Your mother presumably worked very hard during her life and was able to leave you a nice inheritance. Do you think she'd prefer you to:

i) pass it all over to someone who seems to have no work ethic (and in doing so leave yourself living in an area you don't like, with no job)

ii) spend it making yourself happier?

Joskat

Excellent point LannieDuck.
As a mother I would be horrified if our hard work and planning had been thrown away on what seems to be a total waster and hanger on.
We were lucky enough to buy into the rental market, but our friends thought we should spend the money on ourselves rather than property, but it gives us an interest, pays towards our pension, and in the long run we know it will help our children when we leave this mortal coil. Decisions we make both in business and personally when it comes to property is looked on as an investment for our children.

Good luck in your life SarahHH - I'm sure you will be much happier when you sell your house in the North and move back to London - you know in your heart it's the right thing to do.......
Would love to hear how it all works out for you.