Have I made a mistake?

SarahHH_2

I have a flat in SouthWest London, which I own 25% of. Happily paying that off, and bills.

2012 I met a guy. He had a great work ethic, having been with the same employer for 8 years. Due to circumstances he moved back in with his mum, paying her £500 a month rent.

He lived at this time in Middlesbrough. 2013 he came to live with me, but not until he secured work in London. All good so far.

However he left that job after 6 months. He got another one but also left that as he thought he was being treated unfairly.

My mother then passed away in 2013 and left me some money.

He now decides he wants to work for himself, back up north. I agreed to move up with him, as he stood to make a lot of money. However - I CANNOT find a jot of work here, and his plans have stalled. He pretty much lies on the bed all day.

Stupidly, I agreed to spend my inheritance on a new house up here. Now I am stuck paying two mortgages. The reason I won't sell my London flat is that I am not sure I can stay up here for much longer. Neither of us have jobs. I gave up a great job in London to move up here. He tells me to sell the London flat asap and he can start his new business with that. I've already spent my entire inheritance on the new house!! How much am I supposed to hand over to him??

In a nutshell. Stuck with two mortgages, he is contributing nothing. Neither of us work, and we spend the days ambling around this huge house, jobless.

I COULD sell the up north house, move back to my London flat, and get a job tomorrow. It's been 3 years since we met and I am yet to see a penny from him. When he did work in London, he didn't help out as he wanted to clear his debts, which he still has not done.

Do I sell this house and get back to my flat, where I know I can find work? He'll probably leave me over it. His parents expect me to just keep funding him, saying to him "she should stick by you through thick and thin". Thing is it's been "thick" the whole three years. I am starting to lose a lot of money, and put my own plans on hold. My son lives in the US and when I went out to see him, my partner was clearly jealous and told me I was wasting my money.

So do I sell the house and get back to just one mortgage and somewhere I can actually find work? He hates London, and I don't find life viable up here. You can't go anywhere without a car, and I have to rely on him to drive me places, and if I ask for a lift to Asda, he rolls his eyes and tells me to hurry so I end up forgetting half my items.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

Yes.

10 characters, etc, etc

Mojisola

Seriously - after writing all that down, do you need anyone else to tell what you should be doing?

What advice would you give if this was a friend asking you about her situation?

moneyistooshorttomention

Oh dear. Once you swallowed the bait - then he had you hooked and stopped trying by the sound of it.

The relationship doesn't sound good. The housing situation doesn't sound good. The way you feel about the area doesn't sound good.

As you still own your London place and reckon you could find a job tomorrow (and that probably isn't an unrealistic assessment) then you can cut your losses and it seems a good idea to me to do so and leave him and the North behind you.

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

Seriously - after writing all that down, do you need anyone else to tell what you should be doing?

What advice would you give if this was a friend asking you about her situation?

:T Agreed - that that is a good way to look at it. I often think "If I was my own best friend, then what would I say to myself?". Sort of lends a bit of distance to it..

SarahHH_2

Thanks all. I am also starting to feel resentful, esp when his family and friends say things like "ooh he's doing well, look at his house!" when in fact I've paid 100% of everything. He doesn't work, owes thousands, and has the worst credit file I've seen.

Wysiwyg49

Have to say I agree with everyone else. A relationship needs mutual respect and contributions which does seem to be lacking from your description of it.

Imagine what you'd feel like in 10 years time - comparing where you might have been, to where you are!! At some point self-preservation HAS to kick in. I think you know you're almost at that point now. You have given it a really good try and your partner (or any other rational person) couldn't say you hadn't given it every chance.

Selling the Mbro house might be marginally better now than when you bought it - at least you didn't buy in 2007-2008 Good luck

SarahHH_2

Wysiwyg49 wrote: »

Have to say I agree with everyone else. A relationship needs mutual respect and contributions which does seem to be lacking from your description of it.

Imagine what you'd feel like in 10 years time - comparing where you might have been, to where you are!! At some point self-preservation HAS to kick in. I think you know you're almost at that point now. You have given it a really good try and your partner (or any other rational person) couldn't say you hadn't given it every chance.

Selling the Mbro house might be marginally better now than when you bought it - at least you didn't buy in 2007-2008 Good luck

Thank you

And yes, the houses here are being snapped up so fast. It's a new development, and the entire row (4-beds) was snapped up immediately. Even the unbuilt ones have Sold signs on the bricks!

Mojisola

SarahHH wrote: »

I am also starting to feel resentful, esp when his family and friends say things like "ooh he's doing well, look at his house!" when in fact I've paid 100% of everything. He doesn't work, owes thousands, and has the worst credit file I've seen.

Is the house in your name or joint names?

happylucky

OP: You've been royally screwed. He won't go to London and you can't stay up North. So it's about damage minimisation (your financial damages) to help you move on as quickly as possible.

Sell the flat (or rent, but preferable to sell even at a loss, possibly). Brush up your CV, get it out and get back down to London and get your life back.

Done.

Plenty more fish in the sea who want to take on their own financial responsibilities and not make your life a guilt-trippy penniless wreck.

SarahHH_2

Also if I sold the Mbro house, I could actually do something with the inheritance money, such as buying myself a car, being able to visit my son in the US more, etc. As it is, the money went straight to this house so I never saw it or got to enjoy it. He repeats numerous times a day "sooo when are you selling the flat and leaving London behind??" I can't just sell up lock stock and barrel with no job up here and no guarantee any business of his would work.