Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Georgiegirl256

whitewing wrote: »

. We would have done exactly the same as you, but probably also been stressed and cross with each other. Hardly what you'd want for those last moments.
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That's another thing that makes this whole thing so hard. Me and my Mam were like that.

whitewing

Not right at the end you weren't.

When my grandad passed away, we had all been called in. We were all on best behaviour. We chatted politely. And waited. And waited. And shifted uncomfortably. And eventually someone teased someone else and we all laughed, despite ourselves. And then he slipped away as we bantered quietly.

My DH said that he could tell the exact moment of death. I couldn't. If the nurses hadn't said, I'd probably still be popping in to visit him, wondering why he wasn't enthusiastic about his christmas presents.

Georgiegirl256

Thanks code, I know he would.

Penguin

Having thought about it, in the previous days, he had wanted us with him sometimes (when he was still chatty) and others times just wanted to sleep.

I know it's wrong, but I do blame my Mam (we're fine now, and I try not to hold a grudge) for not making things easier. I know stress and grief were to blame, but she got nasty, abusive and insulting a lot of the time, which made an already difficult situation 10 times harder. I know it was her way of dealing with things, but I feel if I'd have been on my own I'd have probably sat with him more instead of her telling me to leave him be. I'm making her out to be heartless, but she's really not, and she cared for him so well, but obviously everyone has different ways of dealing with things.

I just feel that we should have been there when it mattered the most, as I do feel he just wanted someone in to sit with him. When the HAH nurse was there, I think he was calm because of all the drugs she'd given him. Maybe he didn't need all those drugs, maybe just one of us sitting with him previously in the day might have calmed him sufficiently?

Anyhow, we were there when he passed which was very important.

Sometimes you just need to get things out, and I feel better for doing so.

Ok, normal service is resumed!

That cloak is so cool code!

Georgiegirl256

Won't let me edit the above post for some reason, but was trying to add

I just feel we should have had the judgement to know we should have been with him. I'd sat with him previously and he'd calmed down, so I don't know why it didn't click? When I read about people saying they never left their relatives side, it makes me sad.

Thank WW

whitewing

georgie,

I think you are moving naturally through the stages of grief:

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

And that reminds me, faerie, when I was very ill (albeit functioning on the surface), I know that my 'grieving' for the maternal/paternal relationship that I had wanted so badly, was similiar to the 7 stages of grief. I'm probably mostly at the acceptance stage, and can mostly shrug off my dad's nagativity and rudeness as being his problem. As I don't get so wound up, he needs to backlash less. It was always the spontaneous nastiness that was hardest to deal with, even though I knew that I was too close to the mark to be comfortable for him.

System

Birthday is technically tomorrow but I seem to be having a full weekend of celebration! Will reply properly later, but for now I'm feeling somewhat hungover (I rarely drink but it was a special occasion so I let loose for one night), thank you for the birthday wishes. Had an amazing night with my friends (and the one I was worried that Id lost contact with told me not to be silly and that I will always be there best friend no matter what happens)

Shall post later when feeling more human

elsien

codemonkey wrote: »

Also, because I just can't be serious for long and I'm distracting myself from being jealous of melly's ability not to eat and I know thats f'dup ED thinking....

Would it be weird if I bought this

One of my university friends used to swoosh around the place in one of these. Would have looked weird on me, but seemed to suit her, and I was envious of her ability to not give a toss what anyone thought. So my vote is to go for it.

Time for a gratuitious photo, methinks.
Gitdog hugs and kisses for anyone who wants/needs one, and (this being Gitdog) kisses will also be aimed at those who don't. Our controlled greetings still need some work.

elsien

Melly, I don't know how it works with ED, but I was wondering if it would be possible to do some sort of deal with yourself?

So if you manage to eat x amount you get to walk to work, but if you don't then OH will drive you. Or whatever works best for you?

mellymoo74

Had a chat with OH he started the let him take me to work nag.
Froo has knocked the scab off her nose and bled everywhere including one of my new tops worn just once.

No it probably won't elsien I have beaten it before just need to have a long hard talk with myself trouble is it won't go till the source of stress has. Rechasing shelter tomorrow.

mellymoo74

Sorry code.

I have a short brown wool cloak I love it. So another vote for the cloak