Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Flybaby

WaS - thanks. I totally agree about the 10 minutes think time. I used to squeeze it into my lunch hour and was completely useless when I returned to work in the afternoons coz my head was all over the place.


Pyx - hmmmm.............. well if it makes you feel less surrounded by knickers - I shall be wearing one of hubbys pairs of (clean) boxers on my head - all spotty bright colours - I call them his happy pants - coz chances are, if he comes down in happy pants in the morning he is going to be full of energy and bubbles and driving me insane all day!


Yea Moo! Go girl! {moosquish}

tea_lover

WaS, I think the ten minutes thing is a great idea too. Got back from my first counselling session an hour ago and all I've done since then is stuff my face with crisps and chocolate.

elsien

How did it go? Other than giving you the munchies?

mellymoo74

How did it go tea?
Xx
Thanks Fly not feeling very spangly at the mo

Pyxis

Flybaby - pantsquish!

tea_lover

It was emotional.

Have no idea how I've gone from slightly miserable relationship to having counselling about domestic abuse. My default position for years has been to push this all down, but that just isn't working anymore - the lack of sleep and random crying are clearly telling me that.

She said I seem shell-shocked. I think that's pretty accurate. Finding out that FOH had been lying since we met was probably the biggest shock of my life, and it was horrible so I didn't think about it for another 8yrs. Just told myself the act he'd been putting on was the real him, even when he was telling me himself he was a liar. Even though none of this is new, I've only just allowed myself to think about it so it all seems very recent.

I think it will be very helpful in the long run to look at why I was so determined to hang onto the relationship at all costs, and why I couldn't see things for how they were. Or at least be able to think about it without bawling!

Looked at some of the Freedom Project stuff which was an eye opener.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, big hugs tea. It can be very painful. You did well to openly speak about things the first time, that isn't easy. Take it easy for the rest of the evening and maybe plan a quiet time after future sessions, you need time to let go of what has been brought up so that you can function in your ordinary life.

The 10 minutes is more common with psychoanalytic therapy than other types but it was something I found very useful so I carried it over into my own work. What you both describe tea and Fly is what I tried to avoid for my clients, it is so hard to suddenly be dumped back into your ordinary life after therapy and expected to get on with it like nothing has happened. My clients didn't have to stay for 10 minutes, I would leave the room and they could leave anytime they wished, I would check back after the time and it was up to them if they were still there or not. It just seemed far gentler and fairer to give people a few minutes to readjust. Some people may see it as they were paying for an hour and therefore they wanted an hour though which is as equally valid, this is why you need to shop around for a therapist who's techniques match with what you want.

pollyanna_26

Really proud of you Tea . That could be the most important step you take . It wont be easy but it will be the way back to the life you deserve
Hugs polly x.

elsien

And whilst on the subject of superpowers, Gitdog is trying (and failing) with his cloak of invisibility. If he doesn't look at me, I can't see him to throw him off.

jobbingmusician

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aw, big hugs tea. It can be very painful. You did well to openly speak about things the first time, that isn't easy. Take it easy for the rest of the evening and maybe plan a quiet time after future sessions, you need time to let go of what has been brought up so that you can function in your ordinary life.

The 10 minutes is more common with psychoanalytic therapy than other types but it was something I found very useful so I carried it over into my own work. What you both describe tea and Fly is what I tried to avoid for my clients, it is so hard to suddenly be dumped back into your ordinary life after therapy and expected to get on with it like nothing has happened. My clients didn't have to stay for 10 minutes, I would leave the room and they could leave anytime they wished, I would check back after the time and it was up to them if they were still there or not. It just seemed far gentler and fairer to give people a few minutes to readjust. Some people may see it as they were paying for an hour and therefore they wanted an hour though which is as equally valid, this is why you need to shop around for a therapist who's techniques match with what you want.

I was surprised and rather pleased to find out that the BACP (British Assn for Counselling and Psychotherapy) REQUIRE practitioners following their standards to have a mirror in the counselling room. Just in case people have had an emotional 50 minutes, so that they could be confident that they had dealt with any redeye or other visible signs of distress before leaving the room. I've had counselling (a story in itself - my GP seemed surprised that I accepted the offer and I told him that any carer who refused an offer of free counselling was an idiot!) and would have liked some time in front of a mirror before i had to face the world again........