Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Waves_and_Smiles

Day trip, Ginger! I really hope the CBT goes on for longer. I admit I feel guilty when I read about therapy offered these days because I was so lucky that my favourite psychiatrist was determined that I wouldn't end up in residential care, he told me so and kept me under his clinic for years. When social services were talking about various residential units I could move to he said if you work with me I will make sure you can live outside of one, he kept me in various CBT therapies without a gap for 5 years. He became the supervisor for my long term CBT therapist and guided all the treatment she gave me which included phobia and PTSD therapy. He never gave up on me even though I was very unwell at the time. This type of help just isn't available anymore and it really hurts my heart, I couldn't have lived independently without his belief in me and his determination to access every therapy that could help me regardless of cost. I wish others could have this treatment, 6 weeks CBT would have been useless for me, I needed years for it to make a difference and this should still be available to help people now. I am so sorry that it isn't.

I still haven't done so but I really want to write to him now, 15 years later and tell him that it worked, I still live independently and I wouldn't be in this position without him.

Aw, Faerie what a lovely thing to say. It is everyone's thread now including yours, we all help and care for each other which is what makes it such a lovely little corner of MSE.

You are right, Calley and for that reason I am always very careful never to blame the person on the phone at any call centres if anything goes wrong. They are the front line staff and don't deserve my anger. I go the other way actually and overcompensate because I am terrified that I am on the phone so go into ultra bubbly mode. I told the woman this morning to go get a coffee because it was way too early to be answering phone calls and she deserved one. She laughed fortunately, then I shut up before I started talking about the weather or something.

System

Apologies as this may end up being a long and despairing post.....

Last night, as i was trying to get to sleep, the enormity of my current financial situation hit me like a ton of bricks, and at 3am i ended up having a panic attack and ringing Swain in tears.

Bear with me as this is hard to type and is a *big scary thing* i've been avoiding for 8 YEARS.....

When i was at uni i worked i a nightclub for the first two years, once in my final year i ended up giving up my job to concentrate on uni (plus i;d come into some money that matured when i hit 21), this was my first mistake. I was sharing a flat with a friend and i was hopkess with money and thats when i first went into my overdraft. Cut to getting my first ob after graduating, and the rent was paid every 3 months so again, ended up in the overdraft. Then of course i had my breakdown whihc led to no ob, and more overdraft. By this point i had been given a 2 grand overdraft and was pretty much living in it every month. I then unexpectadly got told o had some inheritance, so paid the OD off....except i never got the bank to get rid of it. Following this was 3 1/3 years of living on benefits (and having some rather manic spending sprees hen ill) and you guessed it, i was back in my overdraft. It got to the point where it just felt completely and utterly hopeless so i just accepted paying monthly charges and stuck my head in the sand. I;ve also taken out pay day loans before so i'm pretty sure my credit rating is now shot to !!!!.

So roll on to last night, i decided to be honest with Swain about how bad it really was. And he didn;t udge me. He ust told me that he;s there and that we will tackle it together. I'm going to sit down with him and work out a budget to stick to, and he's advised me to have a couple of accounts, to get my wages in another account so that i can start paying off the overdraft. And my best friend messaged me after i said i wouldnt be able to go to an event i'd wanted to go to, and for the first time since ive known her i've been honest about my situation, and she's offered to help me make a spreadsheet to keep track of things.

I spent 2 hours tonight going though my bank account checking the last 2 months transactions, writing EVERYTHING down, working out incomings and outgoing and breaking down what i spend. TBh it was exhausting and terrifying I never realised how much money i spend.

BUT the one good thing is that now i can see areas in which i can cut down on and save money, in a year, 2 years in could pay the overdraft off and have some savings. I want to be debt free before me and Swain move in as i don't want to start our life together in debt.

So yeah....thats what's currently happening i feel so ashamed and so embarassed to admit how bad i am with money and the mess i'm in, but i feel i need to get it out in the open and face up to it if i'm ever going to move on.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, big hugs, MU. Well done for facing this. You can manage to pay this off, you just need to keep track of where your money is going which you have already begun. I had a £3700 debt and it took me 6 years to pay it off, but that was because I only had benefits as an income. As long as it isn't going up you are heading in the right direction.

You may find the link below useful, you enter in how much money you spend on various things and your debt and bank charges/interest and it calculates for you how much you can afford towards your debt out of your wage.

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

I use spreadsheets to keep track of my money because my memory is so bad. I micro-manage mine but you may not need to be that strict. I have a columns for all bills, columns for how much I will spend on food, how much for a beer for WaSp, how much there is for an emergency fund, how much for the car. I put the same amounts into each category monthly and everything is recorded, updated and compared with my bank account every month so that I know exactly where I am. There are also Apps like YNAB (You Need A Budget) that can do the same thing for you that some people find very useful.

It honestly becomes fun after a while watching the debt go down and the other numbers creep up so that you can be sure you have enough for bills. Do give yourself a small amount for treats though, if you are too strict you will never stick to it. Ease into it and gradually cut your expenditure down and look forward to being free of that debt!

Debt charities like StepChange can also be a great help but you should be ok as long as you can make payments and bring your overdraft down steadily. If I can help with suggestions at all please ask, I have been where you are right now and I know how daunting it can feel.

(Guess who used to live on the DebtFree-Wannabee board?)

Torry_Quine

Well done to you MessedUp. You've taken the first important step of acknowledging the problem. It won't be easy but you have the strength to do it

Torry_Quine

WAS He sounds like an amazing psychiatrist. Such a shame that the type of help he gave isn't readily available. I'm sure he would really like to hear how his help has made such a difference to you

mellymoo74

Well done MU.
Guess who's awake AGAIN.

Going to weigh myself later.

Waves_and_Smiles

He still is a very good psychiatrist Torry, he is renowned in his field and has his own department at a London hospital. He was obviously a relatively young man when I saw him and I am glad that he has finally had the recognition he deserved. I always remember after my first psychotic break everyone was being very gentle with me and being careful not to make me face anything and the first time I saw him he told me that my main challenge beyond psychosis was that I utterly hated myself. It really made me sit up and take notice because I hadn't told anyone that, I realised that he could read me very well and wouldn't try to hide his thoughts from me. I trusted him straight away and it was the right thing to do.

Good luck, Melly! I will be thinking of you!

Pyxis

MessedUp! Jolly well done!

You've been very brave to acknowledge the debt problem and you have a brilliant understanding of how it's happened.

I've been there too. Fifteen years ago, for family reasons which I won't go into as they may identify me, I was living on my credit cards and ran up a debt of about £7000 in total, over several years. It was very, very difficult paying it off, and I only managed to do so when the reasons ended. Even then, it took a long time. It's a horrible millstone to have around your neck, and the relief when it's gone is enormous, so just hold on to the idea of that relief.

Do you frequent the debt-free boards? You can get some brilliant advice an tips there.
My mother always used to say priorities are the roof over your head, then your food, then your utility bills, then yout fares to work. What's left you can play with.
- Your rent is fixed and that's first priority.
- Your food is a dire necessity, but economies can still be made. Cooking your own food from fresh ingredients is cheaper and healthier. You can get lots of tips from the money-saving boards. Cheese sauce livens up every cheap vegetable dish!
- Utilities...these might be included in your rent? If so, that's dealt with. If not, housework is a cheap way to keep warm! :D:D
- you must get to work, so fares are a priority too. However, is there a cheaper way to get there? Probably not, but is there any chance of a car-share?

So what's left?
I'm sure you don't, but try to avoid seeing clothes, entertainment and going out as 'necessities'. They are important, but as treats, rather than as regular must-haves. Anyway, some of the best things in life are free! :D:D
Can you make do with the clothes you have for the next twelve months, say?
Booze is expensive. Could you go dry for a bit? (I know, I know!) But look, you could use this economy-drive as a way to improve your health too! Less booze, more veg, more walking instead of bus fares, stuff like that!

Then little things ........they all mount up......
Make a piggybank from a cardboard box with a slit cut in it and seal up the edges. Every day, when you get home from work, put ten pence in it. Look on the ground for discarded coins, even if only 1p, and put those in the box too. It may only be small amounts, but set a date for three or four months' time when you can open the box and spend the proceeds on something frivolous..... Ice cream, a magazine, a bottle of wine.......
It'd be like a present to yourself!
Or use it to buy Swain a prezzie!

You can do it, MessedUp, I promise you, and you'll get a lot of help from Swain and your friend and the debt/moneysaving boards on here!

Go that girl! :j

Izadora

MU - Well done for tackling the issue. As horribly scary as it seems now, it really will get better now you admitted to the problem.

I'm ashamed to admit how into debt I got myself (it was over a year's wages and due to sheer stupidity) and still remember the sleepless nights and helpless panic when I couldn't see a way out.

Once I'd set up a DMP I felt some sense of control over things and it all seemed a lot less scary. I'm not going to pretend that it was easy but the weight off my mind was huge and made up for every night out I had to turn down.

Good luck with it all.

tea_lover

MU, as others have said, that first step of admitting there's an issue and actually braving the scary paperwork is the worst... it's all just fun with spreadsheets after that (oh how I love spreadsheets )

It's amazing how much you can cut down when everything is written down and you're concentrating on it. Just after we bought the house I found out that FOH's £2k debt was actually just over £20k. But we sorted it - eventually!

You'll get there - budgets are fun! (or is that just me?!) So much good advice on this site though, you're definitely in the right place. Take care xx