Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

tea_lover

Izadora wrote: »

I know it's great to be able to look back on things fondly but I don't think that's going to help you at the moment and I'm sure you have enough things to choose from to manage a 3 to 1 ratio of bad to good...

Pyxis wrote: »

The one thing that sticks in my mind is what happened when you had the miscarriage. That is unforgivable. Put that at the top of the list.

You are both absolutely right (as ever - why are the clever people on this thread not running the country, we could easily put the world to rights?! :rotfl:)

I have such major cognitive dissonance going on I genuinely can't think straight . I could easily list many really horrible things* he did, but I just cannot get myself to accept them as a reason for things to be completely over. All of which makes me so angry at myself :mad:. It's so pathetic, and weak.

*Without even trying, the obvious example of going on holiday while I had a post-IVF miscarriage springs to mind, as does his behaviour during IVF itself (refusing to attend appointments, not helping in any way, going to an overnight gig in London when I had to be taken back into hospital and really thought I might die). Then of course there's the fact he lied to me from the moment we met, the fact that he lied and cheated for years and never seemed to appreciate the impact it had on me. Even with all the begging lately I'm not sure he's ever said sorry about that. The refusal to spend any time together - always too busy, except of course for the things he wanted to do without me for which there was always plenty of time. The refusal to do any cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc, or even to keep the place half-decent when I'd done all the work. The lack of basic manners. The last few years of not even speaking to me unless basically forced to. The scorn towards anything important to me. The immaturity. The lack of any support when going through difficult work and family stuff. The complete and utter absence of any respect... day in, day out.

I can think of one or two reasons I might be better off without him! But still I want to call, and every time I think about it I hate myself a bit more.

Pyxis

Suppose I had just split up with someone, and I told you about the following, Tea, what would you say to me?.......

*Going on holiday while I had a post-IVF miscarriage.

*His behaviour during IVF itself, refusing to attend appointments, not helping in any way.

*Going to an overnight gig in London when I had to be taken back into hospital and really thought I might die.

*The fact he lied to me from the moment we met.

*He lied and cheated for years and never seemed to appreciate the impact it had on me.

* I'm not sure he's ever said sorry about that.

*The refusal to spend any time together - always too busy, except of course for the things he wanted to do without me for which there was always plenty of time.

*The refusal to do any cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc, or even to keep the place half-decent when I'd done all the work.

*The lack of basic manners.

*The last few years of not even speaking to me unless basically forced to.

*The scorn towards anything important to me.

*The immaturity.

* The lack of any support when going through difficult work and family stuff.

*The complete and utter absence of any respect... day in, day out.

What would you say to me Tea?

The things I've highlighted are still going on, by way of the stalking.
What would you say to me, Tea?


Do print this list out in very large, bold letters. :A

tea_lover

Exactly Pyxis, to be completely honest I would think you (a general you there, you understand!) were a bit stupid if you even considered speaking to them again, let alone thought there was a chance things could be worked out eventually. Which is just what I think about myself - am disappointed to realise just how stupid and gullible I am!

Izadora

You're not stupid and gullible because you saw the best in him and believed that he could change, it's human nature, and you've loved him for a very large proportion of your adult life so you can't switch that off suddenly just because he's a tit.

tea_lover

Izadora wrote: »

you've loved him for a very large proportion of your adult life so you can't switch that off suddenly just because he's a tit.

:rotfl:. That's quite a scary thought though - have been an adult (on paper at least) for 20 years and was with him for more than half of that.

Pyxis

Izadora wrote: »

You're not stupid and gullible because you saw the best in him and believed that he could change, it's human nature, and you've loved him for a very large proportion of your adult life so you can't switch that off suddenly just because he's a tit.

tea_lover wrote: »

:rotfl:. That's quite a scary thought though - have been an adult (on paper at least) for 20 years and was with him for more than half of that.

Yes, so don't be hard on yourself. It's bad enough that all your hopes and dreams for the relationship came to naught, but then factor in the fact that it took a year to completely split up, and then all the recent dross, and the stuff in the garage, I'm not surprised that your head is spinning.

Just keep that list in the forefront.


I'm sure you'll be a whole heap better once that stuff's gone.

In the meantime, you planning a new bedroom?

Any other project you could get your teeth into regards your VERY OWN house? :T



Ps. Why is P cat called P cat? If it's the initial of his/her real name, obviously don't tell me! My brain is super-dense at the mo!

tea_lover

Aw Pyxis, I love you :j, I love you all!

P is his initial, but he does also have a peeing in shoes (and on wrapping paper and, once, a picnic bag) habit :rotfl:.

Am very excited about my new bedroom. Have two double rooms and they both currently have beds in which is a total waste of space. Am going to swap my bedroom to the one at the back of the house, and my current room will have lots of lovely storage for craft things.

Have found some beautiful bird wallpaper for the wall behind where the bed will be.

Now I just need to actually get started on the clearing.... this is where the plan falls down a bit!

Pyxis

tea_lover wrote: »

Aw Pyxis, I love you :j, I love you all!

P is his initial, but he does also have a peeing in shoes (and on wrapping paper and, once, a picnic bag) habit :rotfl:.

Am very excited about my new bedroom. Have two double rooms and they both currently have beds in which is a total waste of space. Am going to swap my bedroom to the one at the back of the house, and my current room will have lots of lovely storage for craft things.

Have found some beautiful bird wallpaper for the wall behind where the bed will be.

Now I just need to actually get started on the clearing.... this is where the plan falls down a bit!

We loves you too, Tea! :A

That sounds exciting! I got rid of the spare bed that was never ever used for the same reason. Trouble is, the space got filled with other dross. I really need loads of cupboards and wardrobes in there.

Maybe you'll be the prod I need? I was surprised I sorted those kitchen cupboards this morning.
I had one cupboard shelf full of useful empty glass and plastic bottles. I decided that as I hadn't used them, they had to go. Yet then I put back one of each size, just in case.
I'm toying with the idea of getting shot of them all.

Trouble is, I know what will happen if I do.........................

mellymoo74

(((Tea)))

Told you feelings are a tap you can't turn it off it needs to slow to a trickle.

Too much tramadol yesterday coupled with Froo and Boo master class in fighting over a pigs ear meant I got next to no sleep.

Broke up 2 squabbles today -OH now agrees pork products are banned due to Froo needing to store/guard/squabble.

Just had a groom session with tomcat (he drooled so went well I think)

Having a lovely discussion about Risk Assessments.on LinkedIn cos sick of people asking for generic ones.

elsien

I think I have half those jetlag symptoms, Pyxis, and I haven't been anywhere near a plane.
I threw a load of plastic containers away a few months ago as I'd not ever used them. Then decided they would have come in handy for freezing homemade puds. Still, it saves me from myself.

Ooh, projects. I like hearing about the progress of (other people's) projects - saves thinking about my own.

Melly, how did you get into your line of work in the first place?