Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

whitewing

Research project is over now. It was good, and I ought to feel the buzz of having done something very worthwhile, but I feel scared even though there is absolutely nothing in my life to feel scared of.

I have just phoned the GP about going back on antidepressants and I have a telephone appt for tomorrow morning. (I actually still have some I didn't take from earlier in the year but I will be good and speak to the doctor first).

I think today I am just going to try reciting "I am awesome" and see if that can get me through the day.

calleyw

codemonkey wrote: »

Probably not what you want to hear calley but if someone starts sending me passive aggressive messages or phoning me repeatedly or screaming down the phone it creeps me out and I actively start avoiding them. I understand why you do it, especially when you're scared and confused but this guy is not the right one for you or he'd push past the issues. One of the best lessons I learned about relationships through my chequered past is that if someone is really interested in you, they'll make the effort no matter what else is going on. If they don't, they're not all that into you and probably keeping you as a backup.

I do know that. but when I am in the state I can't see that. And it spirals out of control and I can't stop myself. It was never done out of spite or malice or to hurt him.

He has said he did want a relationship with me but I scared him off. And I understand why it would put anyone off. Hence why I really need to get this sorted.

I think the thing is I had just split from my husband and was a couple of stone heavier and just don't think I could understand why anyone would be interested in big fat cow. which I still am.

Still don't understand why any one would interested in. I don't really have anything going for me. No job, fat and low self esteem.

Which I know attracts the wrong type of man.

He has enough of his own issues hence why we never got past it all. I have never told him why I do it. I don't think I really knew until I sat down and wrote it all down yesterday myself. The thing is he honestly thinks I do it because I am not getting my own way. Its not, its because I never knew how he felt about me so get scared and think any contact is better than none. I don't want to force someone to come and see me I want them to do it because they want to.

I can kinda see it in another relationship I had. But that did not last long for lots of reasons and that was not one of them. I was never as bad in that but I can see it could have happened a lot worse than it did.

Also I like to get things sorted out straight away. So when people say ok we will talk about it later. I am like no now. not tomorrow, not next week but now. And a lot of people don't like that either.

I think the other problem is as I don't have a social life or are that close to my family. I don't think that other people do or are.

What I do know is that I have a huge amount of work to do. On my mental and physical state to do. I need to crack this once and for all. As other wise I am going to be single for a very long time.

Yours

Calley

calleyw

whitewing wrote: »

I think today I am just going to try reciting "I am awesome" and see if that can get me through the day.

We are are all awesome in our own ways.

I feel that I don't have any skills. But then I remind myself is that I cross stitch and my SIL asked me to teach her. Still need to get something together for her to get her started. So its not something everyone can do.

I am epic and awesome umm think that needs some work me thinks. And might take a while for me to start to believe it :rotfl:

Another lazy try and get my head together day. Not even dressed. Even cancelled shopping and spending the day with my husband as I can't face anyone. Same as cancelling my mums afternoon tea yesterday. I told a lie and said I had a dodgy stomach.

I feel empty today.

Nearly lunch time.

Yours

Calley

Georgiegirl256

calleyw wrote: »

Yes I know.

There is stuff on both sides so not so one sided as I have made it out to be.

Yours

Calley

Oh I know that From what I've read about him I can totally understand why he's made you feel unwanted and worthless.

But is is where I'm going to be brutely honest here. Apologies if some people think this shouldn't be on this thread (if you do let me know and I'll delete it), but I always believe in being honest.

I can understand why you did what you did, but until you can break that cycle, you aren't going to be able to move on, and you'll just end up destroying any relationship you might have.

If someone started sending me aggressive text messages, abusive phone calls, and coming round my house, they'd get short shrift from me. If it carried on repeatedly after me warning them, then I too would probably contact the police. Now, I don't know how often you've done it, but something made him flip the other night?

I know it's hard when it appears that he has time for everyone else but you, but you've got to realise, that people sometimes can't just reply on demand. A lot of the time, I'll read texts when I'm out and about, but reply later that evening when I get home, or if I get home late, then I'll reply the next day. I know it only takes a minute to reply (well not even that usually), but if I'm out and about, then I'm usually doing something. I'm the same with emails. I always try and reply straight away, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. Phone calls, someone might call when I'm driving for example, I'm not ignoring them, I just can't answer, and then sometimes I forget to phone back. I would not appreciate someone hounding me because of the above.

If someone doesn't reply, send them a small reminder, if they still don't reply, don't get all passive aggressive on them, it only serves to make you look bad.

It's a cycle you need to break, and that's why I said you need to cut all contact. Delete his number from your phone then you are not tempted to reply and have the whole thing kick of again. Like I said, don't give him any ammunition what so ever. It's his loss, one day he might realise that. But, it sounds like he's got enough problems of his own to sort out first.

DomRavioli

Hi guys and gals!

Thank you for your super lovely welcomes I am a girl (Dominique) and you can call me whatever you like - nicknames range from Dom to Niki to Barry.

Sorry its been a couple of days - its been a whirlwind as ever in this house. My next door neighbour thought it would be a good idea last night/this morning to have literally the loudest 3 hour s3x session until 4am, then when I asked for them to keep it down, was told some choice words, so I'm on 4 hours of sleep and I start work at 1pm.

I managed to get to the gym yesterday, something I haven't done for months. I'm feeling it today, but it is worth it to get out of the house.

We have enough saved up for a house deposit so am just looking at moving because crazy lady next door has been doing this at least three times a week for the last year. We both have jobs, she doesn't work (no kids, just really lazy, she has a dog that I have never seen be walked by anyone) yet I have to put up with this. I would literally give up a kidney or a lung or something just to get a full night's sleep.

I'm hoping that I can make the gym tonight or tomorrow as well, it is pretty scary with the panic attacks but I have to make an effort to try and go whenever I can.

Calley, I've been in your shoes. He's long gone (thankfully), it took me a good three months to get back into the normal communication thingy but with a lot of hard work and perseverance you can do it, and we are all here for you.

I'm still super chuffed that I found this thread - I don't have anyone I can talk to at home, and it feels like such a lovely community. Thanks guys

geminilady

Calley
I just want to give you a big hug,we all make mistakes and do the wrong thing sometimes,what is important is we learn from them.Sitting home alone going over and over things will not help your state of mind.Why don't you ring your mum and rearrange the tea.It will do you good to get out of the house.

calleyw

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Oh I know that From what I've read about him I can totally understand why he's made you feel unwanted and worthless.

But is is where I'm going to be brutely honest here. Apologies if some people think this shouldn't be on this thread (if you do let me know and I'll delete it), but I always believe in being honest.
......

I cut your post as it was too long to quote I hope that is ok.

I do understand what you have said, Yes I would be !!!!ed off about it myself. But once I get that in my head I can't seem to stop myself. I know that is no excuse. As I am an adult and should be able to control my behavior and emotions. And not act like a compulsive child. I think some of this stems from my husband. After his stroke I would have multiple contacts with him during the day even when working. And still do have daily contact with him.

So found it very hard to go days with out contact with someone that I was trying to have a relationship with. Which just compounded my feelings that he did not like. When in reality he was just being like most men. Don't feel the need to tell you how they feel or be in contact all the time.

I don't expect an instant reply during work hours. I prefer to reply to any texts or take or return calls ASAP. Then I know its dealt with. Again due to lack of self esteem I don't want anyone to think I am being rude. As I don't like people to think I am ignoring them as well.

I do understand his reaction. But he has done the same to me not to the same extent. just turn up when ever he likes. Text and phone me numerous times over a very short period of time because I have not answered or replied. Texts me and demands that I come and see him now. Now that is something I have never done. I have always asked and never demanded.

The stupid thing is that we like each other, share a couple of likes of things and do get on together.

Don't you think it makes me cringe, want to cry and curl and die because of what I have done. Not proud of it at all. And most of all I am hurt someone I care about.

Mind you with the limited information I have about him. Don't think he would know what a loving caring relationship is.

Yours

Calley

calleyw

geminilady wrote: »

Calley
I just want to give you a big hug,we all make mistakes and do the wrong thing sometimes,what is important is we learn from them.Sitting home alone going over and over things will not help your state of mind.Why don't you ring your mum and rearrange the tea.It will do you good to get out of the house.

I am not going over anything at the moment. My mind is fairly blank at this time. I know what I have done and what it has made me look like. In his words nutty/Mental. (not words I like at all) And men don't like that!!!

Just don't want to deal with anyone face ton face at the moment.

I am chatting to some people on-line and watching really carp films.

I wonder if I should ditch my mobile all together and just go back to a PAYG which I keep for emergencies only!!!!

Yours

Calley

seven-day-weekend

On the subject of self-esteem. A few weeks ago, we had a meeting of our Job Club team. The manager gave out a list of qualities, skills and abilities, and asked to a) identify which ones we had and b) identify those which other members of the team had. I had no trouble with b), but I was particularly low that day and couldn't think of any for a).

When it came to discussion, I was amazed to hear what other members of the team had to say about my qualities, skills and abilities. As they said I was kind, capable, organised, sensible, wise, mature, empathetic etc etc, it made me begin to take stock. And then I could begin to believe I had those qualities. And then I was able to say, yes, actually, I AM level headed, I CAN take control in a crisis, I AM down-to-earth and sensible. And then I felt better about myself and promised myself that however bad I felt in the future, I would remember those people saying those things about me. And I have done so (doing it now!).

The moral? Don't listen to those who pull you down (*even if it is yourself). Remember the qualities you know you have when you are feeling good about yourself. I know it goes deep when you are a child, my husband has that problem, but he can remember things like how hard-working he is, what a brilliant teacher he is, how talented he is with his art and music. Eventually you will start to believe it.

Homily over, hope it helps. xxx

seven-day-weekend

Just an aside, Dom Ravioli say she is female. I assumed we ALL are! Are there any males here??