Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

calleyw

Morning Shipmates,

Hugs and squishes and handshakes.

Sadly today is not much better. I am up and dressed and about to put my make up on. Stripped the bed and in the process of re-making it.

Thats when I had a massive blow up at my lodger. There are yellow stains on my duvet cover and pillow cases. I asked about them. And he said oh yeah they where there when I put them in the dryer!!!! neglected to tell me that one. I said do you think I have crap like that in my house. It must have been the wet beige colour sheet in the bag transferring over. So not his fault.

Then he said do you want hand to turn your mattress been asking for days for help. Said a little bit late already done it. And then I proceed to go in to a bit of rant saying he was just like all the other men in my life let me down and will run after other people but help me not a chance.

what do I seem to have such a bunch of crap men in my life!!! The way I feel today even my husband let me down by having a stroke!!!! And I know that is not true.

I really don't see the point in getting up in the mornings. There is nothing for me to get up for. I hate my life its so crap. Enough of my whinging.

Everyone have a good day.

Yours

Calley

pollyanna_26

Have a hug Calley . When you get a chance sit and think about what is really best for you . Would you manage financially without the lodger - it sounds as if you are governed by other peoples actions at the moment and need to think what you need .
I have to get stuck in to some housework after being ill but will be back later .
Bit late but safe journey Pyxis and enjoy .
polly

Pyxis

Thanks everyone! Off soon!

mellymoo74

Have a great time pyxis.

Still no money. Got a letter from DWP asking for the payslips I have already told them I wasn't given and can't get.

Monday is going to be fun.
I need it to feed OH and fill up car for Thursdays interview.
Tomcat will run out of food Monday doglets have enough for another couple of weeks thankfully.

Eta have been doing research for presentation. So now have sore brain.

codemonkey

Calley - I've been considering whether to post this all day as I'm worried you'll take it as a personal attack (it's not), harsh (probably) and insensitive (trying not be). I' ve decided to post anyway.

Firstly, about the intenet dating. Please come off there for now. You're not strong enough yet to deal with the rejection involved in any kind of dating. You seem to expect a white knight on a charger to come and rescue you and solve all your problems and that's a lot to put on anybody. I hope you've seen Frozen, otherwise this won't need make sense, you're behaving like Anna at the start, wanting to fall in love with the next Prince who comes along and that doesn't attract the best kind of Prince. You really need to be more Elsa for now - retreat, take your gloves off, let your hair down, and figure out how to be you before you even attempt it again. In your vulnerable state you'll attract only vultures. With self confidence and self love, you'll attract lions.

Secondly, lay off your lodger. He''s not your boyfriend or your husband or your partner, and even if he was, who's to say he's going to help you flip your mattress immediately anyway. - I have to nag Mr CP all the time to get him to do stuff. It's not his job to help you or make your life better or for you to depend on him. He's renting a room. He should be paying rent and taking care of himself and doing his share of household chores and that's it. If neither of you can respect those boundaries, then he needs to live somewhere else.

I hope you don't take this an attack. You're a lovely person and you deserve good things but you are very vulnerable and low and that can lead to nasty people preying on you or using you. I don't want that to happen. You need to build yourself up so you believe that you are wonderful and strong and love yourself as that is the only way you'll find the kind of relationship that you deserve.

codemonkey

Pyxis have a great time and enjoy yourself. Photos if hefalumps please!

whitewing

The parking ticket turned out to be a 'naughty person, you should not have parked here and if you do it again you'll be ticketed'.

I am pleased. If only DH had opened it straight away!

Waves_and_Smiles

Good news on the parking ticket, whitewing!

Good evening all! Well as expected the arrival of the ESA form has made me more unwell but so far it is working in my favour. Psychosis can cause mood extremes unrelated to anything that is currently happening in life and today I am ridiculously happy. I am jubilant, euphoric and positive. It is so extreme that I know it isn't a natural emotion and not appropriate to my life right now but I'll take it, it is better that it manifests this way than negatively. I have been blasting music (VERY unusual for me) and dancing around the flat.

The downside is I am so manic that I am incapable of making decisions. Even something as simple as taking a mug and a water jug to the kitchen flummoxed me earlier and I stood there staring at the sink not knowing which I suppose to deal with first, I had to call for WaSp for help because I couldn't even physically move. My short term memory is also shot to bits and I cannot retain information at all, my thoughts are rapid and scrambled and constantly leaping from one to another and I cannot do much for myself at all.

Conversely I feel as if I could work, take another degree, come off all of my medication right now. Obviously, I can't do any of that but the euphoria is so high that it is telling me that I can. I had to resist the urge to donate my entire benefit to charity earlier, I really wanted to, to help people and had a strong feeling that I would be fine because I didn't need money anymore. Then I wanted to put on loads of makeup and clothes far younger than my age and go to a pub and get really drunk and go clubbing and dance all night, drink more, maybe take some drugs. So no, I'm not very well. But hey, if my brain was going to break then I will take the euphoria rather than anxiety and depression. I just need to be watched at these times in case I do something totally stupid that feels like a great idea. It won't last, it will change with my chemicals but things could be a lot worse right now! Needless to say, I am taking my emergency anti-psychotic dose.

pollyanna_26

CALLEY - You have been in my mind during today . Sometimes we get so overwhelmed we can't see the wood for the trees and your post earlier was so sad and lost . I have to say although I am probably the only person on the planet never to have watched Frozen I think CODE has expressed some of what I was thinking . We can't live the way we would like until we mend ourselves . You are worth so much but it is not good to keep setting yourself up for a fall and I believe at the moment you would be better keeping away from online dating - don't let those idiots mess with your head . I said in my earlier post to sit down and work out what is good for you . Like CODE this post is kindly meant - tell me to mind my own business if you like . All on this thread care for each other and I hope you know none of us mean to hurt anyone .
Love polly

Pyxis

Hi folks!

Never thought I'd be online again this quickly!

I'm at Heathrow. In the Business Class lounge! Get me! :rotfl:

When I booked my flight through the holiday organisers, they gave me the option of upgrading. I thought that as it was such a long flight, and I'm so achey jointy, and didn't know how well I'd be feeling, I thought I'd upgrade for the flight out, and come back economy. With the upgrade, you get a near-flat bed on the plane, so I thought if I could get a good sleep, it'd help with the jet lag. So I did.

Anyway, when I got my boarding pass earlier, it came with an invitation for the lounge! So here I am, comfy armchair, free sarnies and coffee, (free soup and other stuff if I wanted it! Poss even free booze, but don't want any), free newspapers. Showers too, if I wanted one!
And best of all, wifi without having to give them all my personal details! So here I am! Have got bags of time because had to be here 3 hours before, but in fact got here an hour and a half ago, so there's still 2.5 hours to go!
It's only the second time I've ever been in an upgrade lounge. The first time was a really cheap special offer, and as it was a trip (Italy) for a special birthday, I decided to go for it. That was only a two-hour flight, though, so this should be interesting!


Talking of Italy, Ono, did you ever go to Italy? You were talking about it?

Calley, Code and Pollyanna are very kind and want what's best for you. We all do, you know..... (((((((((Calley))))))))........ And what they say I agree with. Be kind to yourself! :A