Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Georgiegirl256

I hope I'm not speaking out of term here Melly, but it isn't fair that your OH puts everything on to you for you to do. Surely he can see what it's doing to you? How ill you are feeling? That you're not hardly eating?

I know he's got his own problems, but is there nothing he can do for himself? Can he not sort out his own benefits? Can he not do abit more round the house? I don't know how bad his arthritis is, but surely there is a couple of small jobs he could do just to take the weight of you a bit?

It's not fair of him to blame you for the fact that no money is coming in. You're running yourself ragged going to interviews, trying to sort out his benefits, and keeping a house on top of that. All the above is on very little sleep and very little food. This is just not on Melly.

D (as you know from what I've said on here) can be quite a selfish person at times, always thinking he knows best, but he can also be kind, caring and helpful, and I know if he saw me making myself ill, he'd try and help out anyway he could (ok, that might be different if he had health problems, who knows?) and would at least try and support me and be there for me.

Surely your OH can see what all this stress is doing to you? Have you talked, or is there just no talking to him right now?

mellymoo74

No talking to him at the minute.

He has always been selfish but current behaviour is taking the pee

His mobility and pain are bad and its not worth the shot.

Just called esa isn't going to happen till early next week if I'm lucky we have no food
None
Obviously for me this is fine but idiot will be an absolute !!!!!!

Pyxis

Just to play devil's advocate, and not excusing selfish behaviour, it should be pointed out that when a person is in constant or near-constant low-level pain, long-term, one's personality can change.

It is very, very wearing. Although there may be acute exacerbation s of pain which are obvious to another person, chronic, low-level pain isn't nearly so obvious. The degree of pain may be perfectly tolerable in the short term, but when it's there hour after hour, day after day, the person can become very grouchy, not to mention depressed.

They can then lash out at the nearest person, particularly if the pain levels are rising at that moment.

They may also need reassurance that other people acknowledge that constant, low-level pain that is always with them.

I'm talking academically here, not pointing the figure at anyone! :A

mellymoo74

No pyxis I know.
Problem is at the minute I don't care. I'm stretched so thin im see through and have been for the last couple of year.

Phone conversations other than with me are a trigger his memory is crap so I have to do hos claim, prescriptions appointments etc.

Dwp will do me a dame day payment when they have attached the p45 apparently but that could be Monday or Tuesday next week

mellymoo74

Oh and you need to chase his PIP she said.
No you need to not remove payments from someone who's report from GP clearly states is suicidal and has very severe lumber degeneration maybe.

Right I need a reason I can't go to the agency, I am conserving petrol for potential actual paid jobs

Georgiegirl256

This is very true Pyxis. My nana had arthritis and osteoporosis and was more or less in constant pain and I'm pretty sure this contributed a great deal to the way she was with my grandad, snappy, demanding, picking faults etc.

However, it is also very wearing and very upsetting for the person having to live with the person who is in pain and treating them like sh*t (not right, but totally understandable why this happens) constantly.

Have they looked into ways of tying to managing his pain relief better Melly?

You are an absolute star Melly. :A I don't think many could put up with what you have to on a day to day basis. (Not just talking about OH, I mean neighbours etc too)

mellymoo74

I think he needs to move onto morphine patches personally he won't tho because he will be knocked out.

Pain management clinic was what they were doing but until he gets OCD under control he can't do the exercises for the pain clinic because his rituals won't let him.

mellymoo74

Right CAB for PIP sorted this afternoon
What do I tell the agency

calleyw

Melly,

Seriously I know this hard to do but take a step backwards from your OH and his issues. I know its hard.

My husband has a brain injury something the size of tennis ball dead in his head. In the end after separating I was struggling and told him to sort his stuff out himself. I started the ball rolling and then walked away.

You can't keep doing this. As I would hate to think what will happen to you. And I am sure I speak for everyone here we don't want that for you.

Start being selfish and think of yourself. I know that he is in pain both mentally and physically but there comes a point when you are no longer able to support someone. You need to dump it on someone externally and not feeling guilty for doing that. You can't help him if your are ill.

As I said if I we were closer I would have you come and stay with me for a while. To get your head a bit more together.

Please be kind to yourself. I know at your lowest you don't believe this stuff but you are one of the most amazing people I have had the honor to meet. You are fab and wonderful and caring and bloody lovely. Even though you are going through so much stuff yourself you still take time to reply to other people and care about them.

Massive duvet hug

Yours

Calley

tea_lover

I so wish I could think of some useful practical advice melly Is your GP able to refer to you a local foodbank to tide you over the weekend?