Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

elsien

Apart from the treatment days when he's being an @rse, does the CBT seem to be having any impact yet? No idea how long it's meant to take.

Close the door on him and have a doggy cuddle. (Broken limbs are ok, keep away from the neck if you can, not worth the hassle.)

mellymoo74

It's patchy to be honest

His good days are a lot better so I think longterm it might be beneficial. See genius as I am already in the living room with a podgy one clamped to my side snoring.

whitewing

tea,

I seriously think you should contact the National Stalking Helpline in the morning http://www.stalkinghelpline.org/faq/.

If you are even half-joking/half-serious about your penguin that is a warning sign that must not be ignored. (I read - I think it was in a book called The Gift of Fear - that when people joke with black humour that is very telling).

Have you asked your parents if FOH has been in touch with them? Do they know you have - quite rightly - reported him to the police? Is it possible that he is harassing them and they haven't told you?

There is a checklist/risk assessment/profile thing that someone - I guess the police as they are actually speaking to him - should be carrying out.

jobbingmusician

Happy Birfday Welly! It's also a friend of mine's birthday. She is in hospital, and we had special permission to go and play her a string quintet at her bedside, so I'm just back from that!

WaS - this penguin is for you when you want to read about Lenny.

Pingoo

Lenny did what was right for him, with dignity and grace. He was able to choose when he left us, unlike most people. I don't think it's appropriate to say more than that on a public forum, but honestly I don't think you need to be upset in this particular circumstance xxxxx

End Pingoo xx

Well done tea - you are doing all the right things, by the sound of things! xxx

tea_lover

My first reaction is "of course I don't think he'd actually hurt me", but I guess the truth is i don't know.

When I first met FOH he was amazing, the relationship was amazing. I couldn't believe my luck. I thanked my lucky stars every day. After 8 months or so (still both blissfully happy) I started having odd dreams. I've always had incredibly vivid and detailed dreams, I think I have a photographic memory when I'm asleep! I could tell you details of wallpaper i saw in a dream 20yrs ago and it would be clearer to me than my actual house. So these dreams were weird! Just kept dreaming that he was cheating on me. Even though I didn't have the slightest suspicion that he was, it was the furthest thing from my mind, about as likely as waking up on the moon one morning. Only, of course, he was cheating, and had been since the day we met. And even when I found out, and even when I kept finding out, time after time, for year after year, I still couldn't quite make myself believe it. I believed the false version so much that it took me the next ten years to get my head around who he really was...and I still don't know. I spent a decade trying to work out what he was thinking and wondering how on earth he could behave like he did and say the things he did, none of it ever added up.

So maybe he'd never lay a finger on me, maybe he would. Maybe he really is sorry and really does love me, maybe it's still all an act to mess with my head.

It doesn't really matter, he's won either way. I've got no idea what he's thinking, what he's capable of, or what he'll do next. I feel like the last few days I've lost all grip on reality, I don't feel connected to anything anymore. It doesn't matter in the slightest that logic tells me he can't get in my house, because he's sure as hell got inside my head and wrecked it.

I know this makes no sense, it makes no sense to me so I don't expect anyone else to understand my random stream of consciousness. It's more of a blog post and I'm so so sorry for taking up so much space here. Part of me thinks at least there's a record now.

jobbingmusician

tea, you sound like an abused partner. That's a feature of abuse, that the person who is suffering loses their baseline of what reality is. It's perfectly normal, and you are in recovery. It WILL get better!

whitewing

tea,

Don't agonise over it. Chances are you will be perfectly fine. However, it is important that all the unwanted attention is logged so people can tell if it escalates. You know yourself how odd things become normalised as you get used to them occurring.

You just take care of yourself.

Georgiegirl256

No need to apologise tea. You take up as much space as you like. I think the majority of us are guilty of thinking bad thoughts when it comes to hearing about someone being stalked/hounded, purely because of stories we have read about and news articles we have seen on the Tele. We know of things that can happen, so it's only natural to think in that way.

Our dreams/thoughts are often very much connected to day to day happenings, and so your brain is understandably working overtime and making you on edge. Which is actually a good thing, it makes you more aware so you don't relax and fall in to a false sense of security.

If he does anything else, the police need to up their game, they need to do more.

I didn't know about all the cheating that went on. I feel bad for saying this (as you loved him once), but he doesn't sound like a very nice person actually. Quite a messed up individual tbh.

Georgiegirl256

Here, have a smile at this! Who can resist this gorgeous little face?

Georgiegirl256

And just for you tea, his best smile!