Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

tea_lover

Me too Georgie. Most of the house is fine but no one go near the spare room....there may be landslides :rotfl:

tea_lover

Ugh, am feeling v sorry for myself.

Back to work tomorrow, it's cold dark and raining, am tired, bought a fitness tracker that doesn't work, half-expecting FOH to turn up any minute and trying not to obsess about Mr Hotlips*.

Gah, I hate January.

*I text him happy new year, he replied straight away and there was flirting all night. Sent him a pic of something we'd been laughing about yesterday (nothing dodgy lol, just a random joke about hats), again he replied straight away and there was flirting (started by him). No further mention of meeting again. It's obvious this isn't going anywhere - he replies but hasn't started a conversation for a couple of days. But I hate that this is bothering me, am so annoyed at myself. Have replied to a few messages from other people on pof but my heart's not in it (especially if I see he's online too).

Am starting to think I need actual help. I have such an unhealthy attitude to all of this.

Georgiegirl256

tea_lover wrote: »

Am starting to think I need actual help. I have such an unhealthy attitude to all of this.

I don't think you do have an unhealthy attitude to it tea. I think you have a perfectly normal one. It must be strange seeing someone you've been on a date with conversing still online looking at other women, or indeed feels alien doing so yourself. (Other men that is!)

I think it's the not knowing, the not being in control that keeps people on edge.

Did you report FOH to the police btw?

tea_lover

It is the not knowing!! It doesn't sit well with a massive control freak like me. So much for me not over-investing.

Haven't spoken to police this time. I just can't face calling them again.

Georgiegirl256

I'm a massive control freak too, and would hate not knowing where I stood. Stuff like how many other women he was seeing at the same time, and if he didn't want to see me again, I'd rather be told and not strung along. Is he hedging his bets, or does he really like you etc.

Don't blame you about not wanting to contact the police, but if he does something again, definitely tell them.

tea_lover

I may be totally deluding myself (it's likely!) but I really do think the connection was two-sided. Maybe it's just the distance, maybe he is hedging his bets, maybe he's a massive player and I'm a terrible judge of character. I just wish I knew!

elsien

There a regular column in the newspaper written by an older woman who's trying the online dating route. What you're describing, the hot/cold, people changing their minds etc seems to be the norm and how just how it works, in her experience anyway . This gives a taste.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/nov/15/my-mid-life-adventures-online-dating
I'm not brave enough to give it a go, but if I were, her experience would make me think twice. I think you need a certain degree of resilience to put yourself out there like that, which I don't have.
Maybe that's why people are messaging a few people at once - maybe it helps with not over investing too quickly.

onomatopoeia99

As a strictly one at a time person myself, I don't think there's anything wrong with your attitude. The advice about use of online dating sites that I see always says one should be talking to and arranging dates with multiple people, which I find completely off-putting. How can I be interested in more than one person at once? And if I'm rejected, it takes a while before I want to be looking for anyone else.

tea_lover

Exactly ono. I can get my head round chatting to a few people at once, but not anything more than that. Now that there's weird text flirting and has been kissing it seems so wrong to be searching for other dates.

Oh well....maybe I should get off pof and go on the cats protection website instead...it's clearly the way my life is heading :rotfl:

How are all our poorlies? Hope the lemsip is working x

whitewing

Hope you managed to do some tidying, code. We have done a fair bit and it is great to see the results. I have reorganised a couple of cupboards. Littlewing is playing in the big space on the living rooom carpet. We have a bootload of stuff for the charity shop/recycling, including a couple of things from this Christmas which I feel guilty about but it will sit there unused for a year otherwise.

My ears are still blocked but physically I feel much better.

tea, at least you had some practice kissing..that's more than I got on internet dating!

Also, you can send stuff to the police on the form on their website. That way they would have a record but you wouldn't have to talk to them.