Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

codemonkey

Ono and tea - it's really ok to talk to more than one person at once because probably for every 4 people you talk to, you'll really only end up meeting 1. Look at it as networking rather than dating. When I met DH he was chatting to someone else too and I was talking to about 4 of them but wer stopped after the second or third date. If you're only talking to one person it's not all that time efficient because you could be ignoring the right person because you're already talking to a person who ends up being totally wrong for you. Or an absolute lunatic. I had my share of those.

Ono - mine is deadline and execution. Got an lnherited piece of work with no documentation and although now I have an idea, it seems to be calling one unreferenced table. Needs to be done for the end of the week too so stressing a bit.

tea_lover

I think they might all be wrong for me (or me for them). Feel like if I actually met anyone I'd have to justify and explain myself - maybe I'm just too set in my ways to start anything again now. I don't want to feel like I'm having to justify that I go to church, that I love 1950s ceramics, that I knit things, that I'd rather have a cup of tea than a glass of wine, that I'd rather walk around a nice garden than contemplate sky-diving, that I don't have 50 close friends.

It's like I'm on the back-foot before I've even started. A lot of the issues with FOH stemmed from the basic fact that we had very little in common and just weren't compatible. But I spent years trying to be someone else just to fit in. Which obviously didn't work. For the last few months I've actually felt like myself again, which is lovely. But I worry that to be with someone else again I'd have to start pretending again.

Seems like a choice between be happy with myself and my weird interests and outlook on life, or have a relationship but compromise on who I am.

I am rambling.... I'll stop now.

Pyxis

tea_lover wrote: »

I don't want to feel like I'm having to justify that I go to church, that I love 1950s ceramics, that I knit things, that I'd rather have a cup of tea than a glass of wine, that I'd rather walk around a nice garden than contemplate sky-diving, that I don't have 50 close friends.

Maybe I'm weird, but your interests don't seem weird to me!
If someone thinks they're weird, then they're not the right person for you!
Why do feel you have to justify your interests? Celebrate them! Don't apologise for them!
Sometimes a hobby might seem a bit strange to a new friend, but if you show your enthusiasm for it, they might well start to see that they find it interesting too!

I think the only thing to beware of is you being open-minded about their interests, but them not being open-mind about yours. I've had boyfriends where I've developed an interest in things they were involved in, but the reverse hasn't happened, which caused some irritation on my part in the end.

mellymoo74

What pyxis said.
Me and OH have some things in common some things not and normally (now is not normal) we are supportive of each other.

I am cleaning out my cupboards today neighbours have gone out (I know cos I had to wait 30 mins for them to get off the car park before I could come in)

heartbreak_star

Feeling a bit conflicted emotion-wise today.

I decided to go out for our department meal last Friday.

I have never felt so much like I don't fit in with a group in my life. The two people I actually get on with were stuck on a callout (including the hot engineer!) and didn't make it, plus I had the car so I couldn't even have a bit of Dutch courage.

I ended up talking to the waiter more, he overheard me make a comment about my hobbies and came back to have a brief chat!

HOWEVER - the food was great (a good vet could have got my steak going again), this Friday's do will be better as my friends from other departments will be there, and this time next week I will be walking around the Harry Potter Studios. EEEEEEEEEK!!

Melly - I'd clean out the cupboards when the annoying neighbours are there. Of course you have to bang ALL the doors to make sure they're secure.

HBS x

tea_lover

Pyxis wrote: »

I think the only thing to beware of is you being open-minded about their interests, but them not being open-mind about yours. I've had boyfriends where I've developed an interest in things they were involved in, but the reverse hasn't happened, which caused some irritation on my part in the end.

Thank you

This part really stood out as that very much happened with FOH. I really did try to show an interest in things he liked but it was never two-sided. Although as I said to him many times - different interests has never struck me as a problem (more to find out about and talk about imo), but different priorities and values was just insurmountable.

mellymoo74

Lol HBS then the ha will take me to court for asb bless them.

They called me yesterday to confirm I'm attending the meeting thats despite being asked to email

Pyxis

Tim Peake has had a successful lift-off!


Here he is, on the edge of space, giving us a smile and a thumbs-up!






(Photographed from my TV!)


The lift-off moment...

codemonkey

Tea - your interests seem fine to me. You don't have a pretend to be anyone else. DH and I have some of the same interests and some that aren't. The idea is to let them get on with their interests and only adopt the ones you like e.g I've got more into folk music since I met DH as he introduced me to a few bands I liked and I've done the same for him, and I've got him interested in slow cookers :rotfl: and we like similar tv programmes but I'm never going to understand the appeal of soccer saturday (why would you want to watch men watching football?). The right person will love you for your tea drinking, ceramic loving, knitting ways.

I do have a friend who has adopted all of her partners interests and abandoned her own and I don't think that's very healthy.

Hbs - I always feel the same at any group event - like I don't really fit. Especially work ones. I've been to two that were just horrendous - one where nobody spoke at all during the meal and it was horribly awkward and another where I sat next to someone who flat out ignored me because I wasn't senior enough for her to talk to so I sat in silence - I felt like berating her on her lack of basic etiquette (one must speak to the person on either side of you, switching during courses so nobody is left out). They put me off going for a few years.

Birdie85

Tea - your interests sound lovely to me. I mainly kept my interests when I got with DH; although when we moved in together I had to abandon the dream of having a Barbie room as a) it was no longer 'sensible' to spend lots of money on dolls and b) we had no spare space to display them but DH is fully aware that if/when we move to a house with a spare room it WILL be my craft/doll room! DH plays rugby every Saturday and we want Baby Bird (if he's into it, we won't force him) to play from Juniors up but I did say the other day that there's no way I'm becoming a Rugby Mum, going down to watch in all weathers, wearing ugly boots, waterproof trousers and an unflattering club hoodie... it's just NOT my style! Does your church do singles events?

Sorry the meal out wasn't great HBS, I tend to find big work do's like that awkward... even with people I get along well (enough) with at work, as soon as we're in a non-work environment it just feels wrong and forced! That said, I'm going out for 3 work lunches this week with various groups and another next week! Hope they're all OK!

Oh and Christmas music update - why do people feel the need to over-egg the classics?! Why does Silent Night have to go on for 4 minutes of 'whoa-whoa-ing'?! I understand 'making the song your own' but there's a fine line, people!