Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

whitewing

WaS,

I thought that WaSp would be needing to drive MIL to her party?

I do think you should be encouraging him to go. He may feel a bit anxious but there are always relatives that will be lovely, even if one or two are idiots. It may also make future dealings with MIL's family easier when the time comes. We all feel that we *should* have done better in life before we go to these things, but then have a good time.

I am sure the temple people would help look after you, which would be enriching for them, you and us (by proxy).

And both you and WaSp would be so happy afterwards.

(This is my opinion based on what I have read on the thread. Of course, only you and WaSp know what it totally realistic. I am a little concerned that you may be finding it too easy to use WaSp's fears to alleviate your own worry about it all. It isn't a criticism. We care about all of you!)

System

It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with Millefluer WaS she's clearly very dear to you and vice versa I've never properly had "in laws" before, but i guess with Swain, its the nearest thing (seeing as i;ve been toold i'm part of the family :eek: ), i get on quite well with his mum i'll always go and have a chat with her before i see him, and she's offered to come with me next time i go into town so i'll be spending time with her. She's really nice to me and has welcomed me with open arms.

Speaking of which....for the first time in 29 years i won;t be spending christmas with my family this year as i've been asked to go to Swain's. Its a bit of an alien feeling as its so new to me, but i do want to be with him, especially with it being out first christmas together, also, every single christmas for the past umpteen years i have been blighted by depressive episodes that usually occur on xmas day/boxing day, and i'm wondering if a change of scenery and routine will help with that (it did for my birthday). The only thing is, i haven;t broken the news to my mum yet. i'm worried she's going to be hurt or disappointed that i'm choosing to spend christmas with Swain. I mean rationally, i know that my mum knew this day would come at some point, but its still going to be weird for both of us. Any advice for how i can best word it to her?

whitewing

MU,

I would say, Mum, would you mind if I went to Swain's this year for xmas? and see what she says. (But only if you don't go on to present it as a done deal, you could be a little open-minded in case there is something you haven't thought of).

Then give her time to get used to the idea, rather than expecting her blessing immediately. You want to give her space to be disappointed but then come round to the idea.

You also don't need to wind yourself up so that you are upset when she isn't at all bothered!

On Saturday, littlewing told me that while I was at work, a policeman had knocked on the door and asked Granny who the poorly person in the house was. I nearly had heart failure as I had recently filled in a couple of questionnaires about depression/suicidal thoughts and I had been honest about how tough it could be. Granny hadn't mentioned it though and it was nearly 24 hours before I could get hold of her and find it was a total fib! There hadn't been a knock on the door. (Well there had but it was about a year ago and a different situation).

System

Your approach seems like a good one, i shall ring her and tell her i've been invited to spend xmas there and how would she feel about that? For all i know she may suggest i come see them boxing day or something so its better to leave the options open so to speak. I have requested a weekend off in december so if she says its ok about xmas i was going to offer coming down to see them then. I know its going to be weird for her, she said last year how one of these days we'd be off with partners and their families but i'm the only one of my siblings to ever have a long term relationship (plus they are 6, 9 and 10 years younger than me), so i guess it was always going to be me that would be the first.

I hope she's ok with it, its not that i don't want to see my family, its just i know if i do i will experience the depression that i feel every year (obv not cos of them its just the circumstances) and i have a chance to try and not feel like that by having a change of scene. Plus if i go to Swain's it means i can work xmas eve and for the first time in 2 years have new years day off (i;ve spent the last 2 new years miserable and on my own cos i was working NYE and NYD)

seven-day-weekend

Just to say Hi to everyone, good to read all your news. We are both fine and enjoying life in our new bungalow.

Our son had not been well, we think he is depressed and he has seen the Dr, he is going to see him again as he needs some medication.

We'll always be there to support him.

Pyxis

MessedUp, it might also be a good idea to tell her about the job and New Year possibility,, and how also you'd like to see if a change of Christmas helps to allay the Christmas depression you also get.

Remember that she does have all the rest of the family there, too, so it's not like she won't have any children there!

And give her plenty of warning. Remember, she may go all despondent at first, and ask you to go there, but I feel you might need to keep,putting it to her, and your reasons, and then I'm sure she'll get used to the idea.
So if she doesn't like the idea, don't accept that as a done deal. :A
Sometimes you do have to do what's best for you, even if it upsets family. You can ring them on Christmas Day anyway!



Going to a talk on Monteverdi now! C u l8er!

Wellyboots6

WaS, it sounds like a lovely relationship. There is no right or wrong way to 'do' relationships with people, so just enjoy it for what it is.
I really like my MIL, she pops round for coffee when hubby is out, we walk the dogs together etc. She will be caring for Escapette for me too. More on that later...

MU, I agree just ask your mum how she feels about the possibility. I get depressed over Xmas and birthdays. I find it is a whole lot worse when seeing family at those times. Being elsewhere distracts me and so it really does help me to spend Xmas with hubbys family. It likely won't be the same causes for you, but disrupting your Xmas/depression routine might actually help.

So, yesterday I had a job interview and they offered me the job. Good news financially but does mean I am going to have to leave Escapette for nearly three days a week and I don't like that idea one bit. MIL will be looking after her so I know she will be fine, but she is so small and I will really miss her. Not looking forward to it.

mellymoo74

No need to return to the horrible place welly. That's a positive
It's hard my friend works full time and her son is 4 now she still has days when she's upset.

Meeting with council today.
I have a huge bag full od evidence

dragonette

Oh I've clearly missed a lot! Lots of hugs and handshakes, sticks and spoons to you all.

I will try to read back, but it may not happen. So I want everyone here to know that are wonderful, that you help to malt this a wonderful positive space and I am incredibly fond of you all xxxxx


Unsure of what to do with a cat that adopted me last autumn - someone else is clearly feeding him and last night he came in with a collar on. I think this has only been happening for a few weeks, and he's microchip'd under my name and details. He spends way over 50% of his time in my flat, maybe 75%? And I know he goes into any flat quite happily - as indeed I also 3 visitor cats who I know have homes.

Otoh, I could accept the lower food costs and trust the streetwise cat to sort himself. Oh well!

heartbreak_star

I will be catching up in a bit, I have been a busy HBS!

Lots of love, squishes and biscuits to everyone

HBS x