Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, elsien. Milliefleur does have life assurance but I have no idea how that would be accessed so that is more to find out. It's difficult because her family are mostly all in Yorkshire, it is only WaSp and I and BIL here with her in the south. We certainly cannot end up with a bill, we have absolutely nothing to pay it with. WaSp doesn't even know if she has a will, probably not because she avoids talking about death at all costs so that could complicate things even further. I know that she was reluctantly going to set up a will but BIL couldn't be executor legally and he kicked up a huge fuss about it so I believe Milliefleur was relieved to use that as an excuse to forget all about it. I really need to stop being a wuss and find this stuff out sooner rather than later so that I can be of some use to WaSp.

calleyw

I have a feeling that I will have 3 funerals to organise.

My husbands, my mothers and fathers.

One of my brothers is a waste of space. The other is lovely not sure he would be able to manage to organise it.

Not sure I would be but someone has to do it. And no I don't have the money to pay.

I know husband has a pre-paid funeral thingy.

But parents no idea and due to other circumstances at the moment. If my father dies at this moment in time an almighty mess!!!!!

WaS I think the best you can is just being there to support him.

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

I am trying to Calley, I just don't think that I am very good at it.

It is such an awkward subject to broach, I have never discussed it with WaSp before today despite planning for it in my own mind because I couldn't think of how to bring it up. Milliefleur won't discuss what she would like at all so I don't even know what arrangements she would prefer if any. All I know is that she has a strong Christian belief so would like a religious funeral. We won't even get on to how on earth I am going to manage to enter a church, nevermind the crowd of people. But less about me.

There have been a couple of disastrous funerals in WaSp's family before because no one talks about it and it suddenly turns out various relatives want different things. I am hoping to avoid that.

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I am trying to Calley, I just don't think that I am very good at it.

It is such an awkward subject to broach,.

WaS you support all of us so of course you are good at it.

I understand that its a difficult subject to broach. And wish people would be more open about it,.

As it makes the lives of the people left behind so much easier. Reminds me I need to talk to husband about his plan and what he wants when he dies.

I have always told him if I die the first thing I want him to do is come round and take away and destroy my laptop. Nothing dodgy on it but has my banking logins etc on it.

Yours

Calley

elsien

When you're ready, WaS Age UK do a good factsheet on planning a funeral. It also gives information about practical steps to take and applying to the social fund should that be necessary to help with costs.

I had the conversation with parent a while back (she'd like a cardboard coffin but only if the staples aren't too big!) but I very stupidly didn't write half of it down so we may need to go through it again.

Just remember there's no obligation to do anything so if anyone would rather use a man with a van than a hearse, that's completely their choice. Whatever funeral directors might try to tell you.
Any way, I'll shut up now, I know it's a trigger so I don't want to harp on too much.

I'm cold - turned heating down and have now been sitting on one place for far too long. Off to drag Gitdog out to practice not walking to heel. that should warm me up nicely.

Flybaby

WaS - if you ever need help just ask. I have done a lot of funerals and probate and would be happy to advise. Unfortunate I know, but them's the cookies and if I can help someone one out with my "experience" I'd be happy to.


THe marriage card thing made me wet myself especially since I bough my husband a spade for our first anniversary ( in my defence it was engraved with "for use in the event of a zombie apocalypse!)


HBS - love your stuff - you so need to make a bracelet that say's "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya" - I'd buy that!!! If you don't mind, could I PM you about the metal stamping - I have letters but can never get them to work properly and would love to know where I am going wrong. Is Etsy easy to use? I have tried selling my crafty stuff on ebay but to no avail.


Welly - I am finding myself humming nursery rhymes coz of you!!! Not condusive to my paper on sustainable development!! Feel like writing that if jack and jill stopped going up the hill and left the water alone, there would be enough for everyone! **giggling**


Went to Tescos today as they had illy coffee beans on offer (which of course are normally not affordable) and managed a relatively stress free supermarket trip. Haven't been in there for over 6 months, so that was quite good. And was also pleased to find the colemans English mustard on offer - which hubby loves - absolute bonus as that product is so rarely on offer. and I have no idea why I am telling you guys this...........hmmm......................procrastinating..................back to the study...................


{squishes} to all

Pyxis

Not feeling as well today as I did yesterday, despite not doing anything except lounging in bed.


Re WaSp losing Miliiefleur, try flipping it. Instead if thinking that he'll lose her, help him to realise that he's had her for 93 years, which is years more than most people! He's so lucky to have had her for that time. It's just a tiny different way of looking at it, and doesn't make the grief any less, obviously, but just might help a bit.

Also, think of celebrating a long and, by the sounds of it, an eventful life!


However, I would strongly recommend persuading her to make a will. Dying intestate causes long, drawn-out problems.
Don't do a homemade will, either. They don't save money in the long run, as I found from experience, and if there's one tiny technical fault with it, it can still lead to intestacy.
I'm suspicious about BIL kicking off about her making a will. You know I see evil everywhere? Well, it struck me that someone who may have persuaded their parent to make a will in their favour, without letting other family members know, might kick off if someone else suggested a will should be made. Obviously, a later will would void a previous will.. I could be very wrong, but that's what first sprang to mind. The solicitor can be the executor.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thanks so much everyone, I have decided that I will read it about it all in bits this week. Even though it is a trigger it's better that I learn what is meant to happen now than at the time when neither WaSp or I may be a fit state to absorb it.

I wondered the same as you about BIL, Pyxis. There is no doubt that he will struggle when Milliefleur dies because she supplements him financially so much now. I know she has some money that she has put away for her children but I have no idea how much. Also, I am not sure if she would want some to go to her grand daughter whom she is now seeing again or if BIL would try to block that as he isn't allowed contact and has no time for SIL.

Ideally I need to sit down with Milliefleur and discuss it but she has avoided the subject so far. It is possible that she would be more willing to discuss it with me than her children, she tells me far more about her health than she does them because she doesn't want to worry them and feels awkward discussing it with men. How I would approach that I have no idea about...

That is a very good way of looking at it, Pyxis and I shall try to comfort WaSp with that. Milliefleur has lived to a remarkable age and she is still lucky enough to be healthier than many people 10 years younger than her. Even now other than colitis she has no health problems that aren't age related and blindness aside those are minimal, she has better blood pressure and cholesterol than I have and her heart is very strong. She has had a very interesting and full life and always been at the centre of her family and loved very much, there is a lot to celebrate as well as mourn.

calleyw

elsien wrote: »

Just remember there's no obligation to do anything so if anyone would rather use a man with a van than a hearse, that's completely their choice.

if I get my way my dad is going to turn at his funeral in the bucket of a tractor/teleporter :rotfl:

Flybaby wrote: »

THe marriage card thing made me wet myself especially since I bough my husband a spade for our first anniversary ( in my defence it was engraved with "for use in the event of a zombie apocalypse!)

love it :j

Pyxis wrote: »

Not feeling as well today as I did yesterday, despite not doing anything except lounging in bed.

Obvious you still need the rest.

Pyxis wrote: »

Re WaSp losing Miliiefleur, try flipping it. Instead if thinking that he'll lose her, help him to realise that he's had her for 93 years, which is years more than most people! He's so lucky to have had her for that time. It's just a tiny different way of looking at it, and doesn't make the grief any less, obviously, but just might help a bit.

Also, think of celebrating a long and, by the sounds of it, an eventful life!

That sounds like the best way to go.

Pyxis wrote: »

However, I would strongly recommend persuading her to make a will. Dying intestate causes long, drawn-out problems.
Don't do a homemade will, either. They don't save money in the long run, as I found from experience, and if there's one tiny technical fault with it, it can still lead to intestacy.
I'm suspicious about BIL kicking off about her making a will. You know I see evil everywhere? Well, it struck me that someone who may have persuaded their parent to make a will in their favour, without letting other family members know, might kick off if someone else suggested a will should be made. Obviously, a later will would void a previous will.. I could be very wrong, but that's what first sprang to mind. The solicitor can be the executor.

If there is no surviving spouse then the children inherit everything anyway.

A will is needed even if you don't have much to leave. To make sure that people get what you want them to, such trinkets and jewellery.

Solicitor as an executor can often be expensive.

Ugger just broke something glass. Put the bunny on the sofa I started to move my laptop forgetting the cable was around this tea light holder. Crashed to the ground. needed to get the hoover out anyway for the sawdust. But my hoover is not very good so will be on hands and knees looking for bits. had to pick the bunny up and he fought me Not that use to being picked up me thinks.

Yours

Calley

Pyxis

Yes, the children inherit anyway, but it can take a long time and be stressful. Plus, Milliefleur might want to leave something to granddaughter, or even to friends..trinkets etc.

Yes, solicitor as executor will be costly, out of the estate, but with BIL stirring things up, it might well be the best and easiest option for everyone.
It would be stressful for anyone, let alone for WaS in her state of health, to be battling BIL. I speak from experience again.

I'm all sorted! Have been for over ten years! I'm going to be recycled into a tree! (In a woodland burial site!) complete with cardboard coffin! :rotfl: I'm all paid up, done and dusted!
The last time I went to view my plot, a couple of years ago, it was maturing very nicely into a lovely woodland!
It was actually cheaper than a cremation and much, much cheaper than an ordinary cemetery! Very MSE! :rotfl: