Children pleading for expensive things

Mrs_Ryan

I have two nephews, one who is seventeen and one thirteen. The thirteen year old is heavily into Superdry and last Christmas my Mum also bought him a pair of Vans. They both have iPhones and several games consoles between them and I think there might be an iPad as well. My thirteen year old nephew has the same iPhone as me- the iPhone that despite the fact I was working, when my Blackberry couldn't be repaired I had to beg my brother to help me to get!! They are good kids but they're very much of the mindset that if they don't have 'x brand' at school they will get bullied.
And it's sad- kids can be very cruel and if you don't 'fit in' then there's no happy medium- that's it, life can be a misery. I know exactly what that was like. I was bullied at school as my parents were 'poor' we didn't have a car, a phone or Sky TV, we lived in a council house in a rough area and I couldn't go on school trips as my mum just couldn't afford it. It wasn't so much named things then luckily- although it was subtle things like the kind of coat you wore and what kind of bag you had and woe betide if your PE trainers were unbranded. Mine were Reebok so were 'acceptable' but I had to wear them out of school as well as for PE and that also led to sniping. Of course there was no mobile phones then but I think now that's why I'm so obsessed with labels as I never had them. I always had the right uniform and was turned out ok for school but I think it was just as much what you didn't have as what you did have.

Janepig

I remember we were the only family in town (possibly an exaggeration!) who didn't own a video recorder in the 1980's - I don't think my parents got one until after I'd left school, when all my friends were watching pirate videos at home when I was in primary school. There was a family living opposite us and when they went on holiday they'd let us have their video recorder - bliss!!!! We'd be down the video rental shop as fast as our legs could carry us getting all the latest films in.

I'm not sure it was lack of funds so much though as just my mother being stubborn and digging her heels in about not wanting one. When we did finally get one she was the one that used it the most I think! But when I look back I'm sure that's the thing I felt most deprived about not having! :cool:

Jx

Janepig

carmina_piranha wrote: »

My kids have never heard of Hollister, thankfully. My eldest who is now 19 was anti-brands, but I think that's more likely if their friends are anti-brands too. He was disappointed when I bought actual Airwalk trainers for him, rather than the unbranded ones he preferred but didn't last long enough. He used a marker pen to colour in the logo, so it couldn't be seen. It was a point of pride to have an old phone with a cracked screen! But there was an element of looking down on the 'iphone' kids, so it's just as snobbish as being brand obsessed really, I suppose.

At college he simply doesn't care what he wears as long as he likes the colour. He doesn't want to upgrade his phone until it stops working. It's meant he is confident about his own choices rather than peer pressure, but probably wouldn't have happened had his school friends not been similarly disinterested in shopping.

Well there's still hope for DS I suppose, but whereas DD has only fairly recently turned to branded stuff (mostly because of the influence of the older girls she mixes with in cheerleading I think) and was never bothered about what she wore before that, DS came home from school at the age of 4 nagging for Nike trainers, but then he's always been the nag of the two.

He likes his football tops too, which are crazily expensive - MIL is off to Sunny Beach in Bulgaria this month so I'm going to give her some money and see if she can get him some knock off kits over there which I'll keep for Christmas!! I can't believe the wide variety of football tops some of his friends have got, but when I think about it they are kids whose families go on foreign holidays each year so I'm guessing they're also knock off kits rather than the proper ones.

It's uplifting to know there's kids out there who are willing to buck the trend!

Jx

jrtfan

Fortunately, my 12 yo son isn't bothered about labels either. Technology has been the main bug-bear; I didn't allow him any during his primary school years, whereas many or most of his classmates had things like an X-box, PS2, iPads, Kindles and similar from as early as 6 or 7 years old. When he started at seniors, I bought him a laptop to use for his research and his homework. He also has an entry-level Samsung Galaxy phone which he uses mainly for playing games such as Roblox and Minecraft (I can't see the fascination, myself, but his age group seems to be obsessed with them!). What he always nags me for is to buy more mobile data because these games gobble it up like there's no tomorrow (1Gb lasts him 4 or 5 days, only). But I'll buy him a £10 bundle once each month and when that's gone, he has to wait until the following month to get more.

The other thing for which the phone comes in useful, and which links in with the question of kids taking phones in to school, is to pay for his bus fare to/from school because I can pre-load his account and his phone has an app which allows him to use the phone on the bus a bit like an Oyster card, so that the appropriate fare is deducted for each trip. It works out cheaper than the travel pass I bought for him last year for £200, because he had so many lifts from friends' parents that I think he only used the pass for the equivalent of 3.5 weeks in the end - therefore each one-way journey he actually made on the bus worked out at around £11... Not doing that again.

seven-day-weekend

We were quite poor when our son was young and bought him a school top coat from a jumble sale. It was hardly worn and cost hardly anything. We were all, including him, very pleased with it.

He made the mistake of saying at school (primary) that it was from a jumble sale and got bullied for it. He came home from school saying he didn't want to wear it again because of this.

I sat him down, told him he would not be made to wear the coat, and asked him a couple of questions. Did he mind it was from a jumble sale? (no). Did he think it was better that he had the coat rather than it be thrown away? (yes). I left it at that, but re-assured him he did not have to wear the coat.

He came down the following morning wearing the coat. I was so proud of him.

After that, if anyone said he had the 'wrong' clothes on, he would just say that if his clothes mattered that much to them, then they were very sad (!).

He is now 35 and has never been concerned with designer clothes.

Of course you must say no to your children and no, they don't all grow up wanting designer stuff (and even if they do, you continue to say no).

FBaby

DD went through her 'Hollister' phase in year 7/8 and I despair at the fact that she seemed so intend to just look/talk/act just like half her year. Even worse deciding to get her one Hollister item at Christmas I ebbed up on a fake side and conned of my money (thankfully git it back from my bank ).

During that time I reminded DD that she was a great person for who she is inside not what she looked outside. This was if course greeted with a 'yeah ok mum' but I continued that route telling her she didn't need make up etc...

By the end of year 8, she'd moved on and went back to bring herself learning in the process that what attract friends mist is not trying to be like them but bring open, fun and confident. She wears very few brands now and when she does it is because she really likes the item.

I do find it very sad that so many kids grow up thinking that possessions will mean prestige and that's how they will make friends and get respected when that respect will always be short lived with the constant pressure to have the latest material possession to feel valued.

Is our job as parents to teach kids that what is valuable is inside or hearts and minds but when so many parents suffer from low self esteem themselves how are they going to teach this to their kids?

Indie_Kid

Someone I used to know, once said that her then 7 / 8 year old son moaned because she wouldn't allow him to have a mobile phone. Apparently, all his friends have one!

Lunar_Eclipse

FBaby wrote: »

I do find it very sad that so many kids grow up thinking that possessions will mean prestige and that's how they will make friends and get respected when that respect will always be short lived with the constant pressure to have the latest material possession to feel valued.

I'm another that found Hollister was a Y7/8 phase, but only by one child and it wasn't a big deal. Their clothes are reasonably well made and no more expensive than Top Shop or New Look, especially in the sales which are excellent. Their hoodies are the softest; SuperDry's are nice and warm. At 15, it's a bit uncool.

However, I don't think kids necessarily wear/buy brands for prestige, but just so they blend in and don't stand out. Most teenagers just want to *appear* like everyone else to avoid bullying. To fly under the radar, which is of course the heartbreaking part. Kids can be incredibly cruel and most secondary schools aren't nice, welcoming, kind and friendly places sadly. I learnt this as a teenager returning to the UK following years of living overseas: a huge culture shock!

There has to be a line drawn somewhere, but if a Hollister top or two helps a child feel part of a system and the parents can afford it, then that's caring parenting in my book. Developing a weekly brand shopping habit is something else entirely!

Alikay

It is of course developmentally normal for teens to want to fit in with everyone else in their clique. Even the ones who make a point of being "different" usually do to fit in with an artistic/punk/goth crew (which theses days may be online rather than in school). There are odd ones who skip the development stage, just the same as there are babies who walk without going through the crawling stage. Needing to identify with peer groups is not a sign of weakness - just a normal stage most kids go through.

When I was a teen, I went to a girls grammar school with strict uniform code, so any self-expression via clothing or hairstyle was out - hence swearing, smoking, and insolent body language were the "Hollister tops" of our day! Doubt they were any more popular with parents than forking our for expensive brands. Oh, and the cool crew (with the dads who were doctors and accountants) hit Woolworths after school for group shoplifting sessions!

missbiggles1

Spendless wrote: »

More public phones then and more children going to the nearest local school and a higher % of Mum at home when they got in.

I sometimes think DS is the only 15yo that isn't bothered about a phone. He does have one, it's rarely charged, rarely on him. I asked him the other day if he wanted a new one for Christmas, partly because I'm thinking of his sixth form options for next September and one is in another county and it would be helpful for us to know [STRIKE]when[/STRIKE] if he misses transport. He wasn't keen though, DD however more than makes up for his lack of interest! She doesn't own any 'brands' though she covets a Hollister bodyspray. I expect her to start asking for their clothing for this Christmas though.

That's assuming there was a phone at home, which wasn't the case for many people when I was growing up.

I also think that many people travelled further to school in those days because you had to go a distance to get to a grammar school.