Children pleading for expensive things

Lunar_Eclipse

FreddieFrugal wrote: »

Nor do I understand why kids are allowed to bring phones into school. They don't in primary, why secondary. If they needed desperate contact the school would ring.

Because most children get themselves to and from secondary school, which isn't the case at primary. They are therefore mainly carried for issues and keeping in touch outside of school hours and grounds (trains running late etc), not for during the school day.

I also found the programme interesting. I just don't understand consumerism like that on the show. My kids (both teenage girls) don't ask for expensive things, or things in general for that matter. I do think parents are highly influential here. DH & I do not shop as a leisure activity & our children are similar. If anyone genuinely gets huge pleasure from shopping or accumulating collections of handbags etc though, good for them. It does nothing for me, as 5 minutes in a shoe shop yesterday proved: I find shopping incredibly unpleasant & stressful!

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I went shopping recently with a friend and her five year old and was genuinely shocked at the experience; the child pointed at what she wanted (clothes, jewellery etc) and her mum put it in the basket and paid for it. My main memory of childhood shopping is opening my mouth to ask for something, and my mum saying NO before I'd even finished the sentence!

I never had the latest/coolest/best stuff as a child because my parents were sensible with money. My dad saved and paid my university living costs, with a small allowance for food/booze/books etc meaning I graduated with zero debt. This was a great start in life.

I think the best gifts you can give a child are a love of books and an understanding of budgeting.

Carl31

This isn't a new thing, the items they crave may have changed, but the situations and desires are the same when I was 11/12. I often have this conversation with my own kids and friends

I remember being at school and I wanted some Nike Air Jordan Trainers so badly, almost to the point it made me feel sick, purely to win status points at school really, as is generally the case with anything at that age. They were like £65, but this was 25 years ago, so probably around £90/£100 now

Fortunately my Mum laughed me out the shop, and I didn't grow up feeling that material objects would improve my life somehow.

I generally find nowdays, the kids that have the 'things' (once I have sorted through the lies about who has what) is those from poorer homes, same as when I was at school, I put it down to money having a different type of value in such households

cheepskate_2

Why do people feel the need to tell people how to spend their money.....Too many self rightious people on here, where their way is the only way.

If people go out and earn their money, then it is entirely up to them what to do with it.

Gosh the uproar there is when we start to complain about what people on benefits spend their money on, ....seems the working person is always game .

FreddieFrugal

cheepskate wrote: »

Why do people feel the need to tell people how to spend their money.....Too many self rightious people on here, where their way is the only way.

If people go out and earn their money, then it is entirely up to them what to do with it.

Gosh the uproar there is when we start to complain about what people on benefits spend their money on, ....seems the working person is always game .

From reading the responses to my post, what I've seen is a good discussion with people describing their experiences of growing up and how that has shaped their personal attitudes towards money, saving and teaching children about the realities of spending.

People are expressing their views. Sorry if you've been offended by that.

Janepig

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Because most children get themselves to and from secondary school, which isn't the case at primary. They are therefore mainly carried for issues and keeping in touch outside of school hours and grounds (trains running late etc), not for during the school day.

But that doesn't mean they NEED to have phones at secondary school. How did kids ever cope before the mid to late Naughties when I guess phones at school became more accepted? Not to mention that it actually causes more worry sometimes - DD has a phone and when I was on a training course with work for a week recently, so not able to be home when she got home, I told her to text me to say she'd got home safely. More often than not she'd forget which would lead me to worry that something had happened to her. I wish I hadn't bothered!!

As for "stuff", my two get more expensive stuff for Christmas and birthdays, I wouldn't dream of forking out in between times. DD has got a fondness for Hollister/Superdry/Jack Wills stuff - I don't mind buying a hoodie or a bag for Christmas or birthday but outside of that she buys it herself or not at all. Crazy prices.

I kind of miss Christmases when they were younger and you could buy a bunch of toys for not too much money and it would look like tons of stuff under the tree. Now about three small gifts which look like nothing cost a bomb!!! Although I will say they are also given what I can afford - I would never go into debt to allow my kids to keep up with the Joneses. My parents never did!

Jx

Spendless

Janepig wrote: »

But that doesn't mean they NEED to have phones at secondary school. How did kids ever cope before the mid to late Naughties when I guess phones at school became more accepted? Not to mention that it actually causes more worry sometimes - DD has a phone and when I was on a training course with work for a week recently, so not able to be home when she got home, I told her to text me to say she'd got home safely. More often than not she'd forget which would lead me to worry that something had happened to her. I wish I hadn't bothered!!

As for "stuff", my two get more expensive stuff for Christmas and birthdays, I wouldn't dream of forking out in between times. DD has got a fondness for Hollister/Superdry/Jack Wills stuff - I don't mind buying a hoodie or a bag for Christmas or birthday but outside of that she buys it herself or not at all. Crazy prices.

I kind of miss Christmases when they were younger and you could buy a bunch of toys for not too much money and it would look like tons of stuff under the tree. Now about three small gifts which look like nothing cost a bomb!!! Although I will say they are also given what I can afford - I would never go into debt to allow my kids to keep up with the Joneses. My parents never did!

Jx

More public phones then and more children going to the nearest local school and a higher % of Mum at home when they got in.

I sometimes think DS is the only 15yo that isn't bothered about a phone. He does have one, it's rarely charged, rarely on him. I asked him the other day if he wanted a new one for Christmas, partly because I'm thinking of his sixth form options for next September and one is in another county and it would be helpful for us to know [STRIKE]when[/STRIKE] if he misses transport. He wasn't keen though, DD however more than makes up for his lack of interest! She doesn't own any 'brands' though she covets a Hollister bodyspray. I expect her to start asking for their clothing for this Christmas though.

Lunar_Eclipse

Hermia wrote: »

I never understand parents who don't talk about these things frankly.

I think these discussions can be trickier when you can afford to give/buy children things but choose not to. When parents can't afford it, that's straightforward; choosing not to meet a request is much harder for people to tolerate I suspect.

We're fairly frank with our children, but I'm not sure how much information is appropriate at what age. For families NOT on a low income, who can prioritise where they spend their money, is it any concern of their children's as to why they want to put more into the stock market, give more to charity or whatever instead of buying them an iPhone for instance which is fairly mainstream in many schools?

I had this discussion today with my 14 year old. I said a £20 basic phone was sufficient for a person of her age's needs. She disagreed and to be fair to her, reality seems to prove she is right. Enter a discussion about why we wouldn't buy her a hypothetical iPhone 6, unlike most parents I know (in real life.)

Janepig

Spendless wrote: »

More public phones then and more children going to the nearest local school and a higher % of Mum at home when they got in.

I sometimes think DS is the only 15yo that isn't bothered about a phone. He does have one, it's rarely charged, rarely on him. I asked him the other day if he wanted a new one for Christmas, partly because I'm thinking of his sixth form options for next September and one is in another county and it would be helpful for us to know [STRIKE]when[/STRIKE] if he misses transport. He wasn't keen though, DD however more than makes up for his lack of interest! She doesn't own any 'brands' though she covets a Hollister bodyspray. I expect her to start asking for their clothing for this Christmas though.

Hmmm still not convinced. DD's secondary school is the same one DH went to and it's got a really big catchment area as it's the only welsh medium secondary school in town. Most of the kids are bussed in, although we live ten minutes walk away so really no need for DD to have a phone, but yes it's double standards from me because she's got one!! So most of the issues are the same as they were back in DH's day. Although there's no-one going miles and miles out of catchment as there's four secondary schools within easy reach.

I think girls are a bit more into their phones though than boys, mainly for all the selfie opportunities!!

Good luck for your DD getting into Hollister - mine started with the body spray. I nearly had a clutcher when I saw how much they are!!! Not to mention that the shops are so dark that you feel like you've gone blind when you're in there. I'm very much in touch with my inner old fogey when I'm dragged into Hollister!

Jx

carmina_piranha

My kids have never heard of Hollister, thankfully. My eldest who is now 19 was anti-brands, but I think that's more likely if their friends are anti-brands too. He was disappointed when I bought actual Airwalk trainers for him, rather than the unbranded ones he preferred but didn't last long enough. He used a marker pen to colour in the logo, so it couldn't be seen. It was a point of pride to have an old phone with a cracked screen! But there was an element of looking down on the 'iphone' kids, so it's just as snobbish as being brand obsessed really, I suppose.

At college he simply doesn't care what he wears as long as he likes the colour. He doesn't want to upgrade his phone until it stops working. It's meant he is confident about his own choices rather than peer pressure, but probably wouldn't have happened had his school friends not been similarly disinterested in shopping.