Children pleading for expensive things

carmina_piranha

I agree that the brand-snobs came across as sneering towards the car-boot lady. She was nice, and I liked seeing how she and her husband compromised by her overpaying the mortgage while he splurged on tat and take-out. They both got to do what made them happy.

catkins

That woman with the handbags annoyed me saying she wouldn't go out of the house with a handbag that cost £10 - stuck up and stupid. Who cares how much someone's handbag cost? The sneering daughter is a spoilt madam too who is likely to get a shock one day when she doesn't get her own way.


As someone else said, if her motto is "you could be dead tomorrow" why is she not spending it on holidays, days out etc rather than material things?


She also annoyed me with the attitude that all children are going to want expensive items and she seemed to imply that it is impossible to refuse them. What about using the word "no"? Also if parents don't have the money they can't buy expensive designer items even if they wanted to

GracieP

BigAunty wrote: »

So I do think that kids from lower income families, even if the parents repeatedly decline the pestering, will still continue to ask and won't necessarily have that much insight into how pointless 'stuff is' and how the parents can't afford even a tiny amount of the demands made, understand the benefits of saving.

For as long as I can remember my parents were upfront about why I couldn't have certain things I asked for. Either because the toys I liked were over-priced tat which they'd explain and if possible show me a better value alternative, like the Fisher Price 3 in 1 skates I wanted one Christmas and they pointed out their gimmicky-ness, how crap the plastic wheels were and the inflated price then took me to a sports shop to see cheaper but better quality rubber wheeled skates. Or they outright explained that they could not afford the things I wanted but talked me through all the good things we did have in life instead and the struggle they experienced to buy their house and the realities of having a mortgage. In a lot of ways, I think that honesty was the best thing anyone has ever done for me as it taught me the lessons of seeking value, living within your means and appreciating the beauty of what you do have.

I'm in a different position to my parents. I own my own home outright and I have fairly substantial savings and an income that isn't high but far exceeds my expenditure. I'm not rich but I feel it, my needs are modest, I buy almost everything secondhand and I have no especially expensive tastes. But my son won't get everything he wants either, even though at the minute I could probably afford it (he's still a toddler so his biggest requests stretch to some Imaginext, not an iPad and a designer jacket, etc.) He does have so many toys but I get it all secondhand or on clearance for him and have written him a story book about Santa which outlines how the elves have a department that works on refurbishing 'pre-loved' toys because living at the North Pole means Santa knows the importance of recycling. So that will give me leeway to keep buying secondhand toys for him for Christmas once he's old enough to notice slight imperfections.;)

The way I see it, I could mostly afford to buy everything new but the odds are we won't actually be dead tomorrow and the 2-4 times less I pay for everything means that we'll have more savings the year he needs braces, or extra college tuition, or help with a house deposit, etc. And while he has lots of toys he is unusually conscientious about them. So when he's older and outgrows the current crop and wants specific, expensive items, my plan is to help him sell the old toys and put the proceeds toward the big ticket item he wants then. That way he learns both the value of money and the importance of looking after your stuff.

Hermia

GracieP wrote: »

For as long as I can remember my parents were upfront about why I couldn't have certain things I asked for. Either because the toys I liked were over-priced tat which they'd explain and if possible show me a better value alternative, like the Fisher Price 3 in 1 skates I wanted one Christmas and they pointed out their gimmicky-ness, how crap the plastic wheels were and the inflated price then took me to a sports shop to see cheaper but better quality rubber wheeled skates. Or they outright explained that they could not afford the things I wanted but talked me through all the good things we did have in life instead and the struggle they experienced to buy their house and the realities of having a mortgage. In a lot of ways, I think that honesty was the best thing anyone has ever done for me as it taught me the lessons of seeking value, living within your means and appreciating the beauty of what you do have.

My parents were very honest with me about their income. I never understand parents who don't talk about these things frankly. Kids don't know what adults get paid so you need to explain it to them by comparing income to what things cost. I also remember my parents talking to me about the advertising industry etc.

I think the people who mention some kids being in for a rude awakening are right. I am seeing it with some young relatives and kids of friends. They are not adjusting to not being able to have the same lifestyle they had living at home so they are either putting it on credit cards or getting bitter at having to go without. My friend took her daughter away for two luxury foreign holidays every year growing up. Her daughter has now left home and can't afford those sorts of holidays and she is not happy! The notion of holidaying in the UK or staying in hostels abroad horrifies her. Her mum says she now wishes she had taken her on the odd cheap holiday growing up so she could have seen that all different types of holidays can be fun.

System

I remember asking "father christmas" for a computer many years in a row

Eventually i did get one but it was a refurbished one from the local papers.

that said i was made up and very happy to have such a gift!

I have a problem now in that i simply refuse to ask anyone for expensive gifts, personally i can#'t justify someone spending so much and would rather save up for it myself.

Though i imagine kids today are even more switched on by technology and want the latest model of phone/computer.

Indie_Kid

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I have a problem now in that i simply refuse to ask anyone for expensive gifts, personally i can#'t justify someone spending so much and would rather save up for it myself.

Same here. We usually set a limit of £20 for Christmas and I think it's around £10 for birthdays. Although, because I'm the only one whose birthday isn't near Christmas, my brother and sister do sometimes get a joint birthday and Christmas present.

geerex

There's a fine line here.
If you're on a low income and you're constantly refusing your child things that they really should have then you're doing them a disservice. Experiences more than "things" will give them happy memories. They shouldn't have to suffer for your laziness or lack of achievement in life and will grow up to resent you for it.
That said, iphones and macbooks are ridiculous things to give to a twelve year old, they need to respect the value of things. Although it's a pretty good incentive to strive for betterment of they want to keep the level of "things" that they've grown accustomed to.

Alikay

geerex wrote: »

There's a fine line here.
If you're on a low income and you're constantly refusing your child things that they really should have then you're doing them a disservice. Experiences more than "things" will give them happy memories. They shouldn't have to suffer for your laziness or lack of achievement in life and will grow up to resent you for it.
That said, iphones and macbooks are ridiculous things to give to a twelve year old, they need to respect the value of things. Although it's a pretty good incentive to strive for betterment of they want to keep the level of "things" that they've grown accustomed to.

I agree with this. It's not always an issue with low earnings, either: Some parents will prioritize their cigarettes and alcohol above taking children on holiday, buying a computer (pretty well a necessity for education these days), sports kit, outings etc. Most decent parents do their best to meet their children's needs, and a few of their "wants" whilst managing to stop short of indulging every material whim.

FredG

The most you can spend on any child is time.

GracieP

geerex wrote: »

If you're on a low income and you're constantly refusing your child things that they really should have then you're doing them a disservice. Experiences more than "things" will give them happy memories.

Define 'what they really should have.' Because outside of nutritious food, safe shelter, adequate comfortable clothing, health needs and education everything else is a matter of opinion rather than fact. I go all out for Christmas, birthdays, Halloween and Easter. We do lots of games and craft days during the build up and attend all the free events around town, then we have a big celebration on the day with extended family. We go on holiday a couple of times a year, nothing major at the moment, just a holiday park in the next county when they do off-peak breaks in spring and autumn and a few long weekend visits to extended family throughout the year. And my son and I love it and I'm hopeful that when he is an adult my son will have lots of memories of a magical childhood.

But I have friends who don't do any of those celebrations, they don't even celebrate birthdays. But they spend lots of time with their children. Take lots of walks in nature, spend days fishing and teaching them outdoorsy skills. Their kids have all the necessities but pretty much no material 'wants' but they are happy and will probably also look back on magical childhoods. Just different ones.