Children pleading for expensive things

FreddieFrugal

I was watching that program about different spenders with Ann Robinson. The latest one had a low income, car boot sale buyer obsessed family meeting a high income, brand and handbag shopping obsessed family.

One of the main issues raised was that the wealthier parents said that a big pressure to spend was coming from their children and that they couldn't say no to them and make them 'unhappy'. So they'd buy them iPhones and MacBooks, expensive branded bags and clothes. Give them a tenner here, and a twenty there.

The other mum said that she couldn't see that happening with her two year old daughter when she grows up. The other parents said it was inevitable that they would grow up, want things and be difficult to say no to.



You see my understanding was that in all likely hood, it is the fact that their mother was completely obsessed with spending on big brands, buying multiple expensive handbags, £100 sunglasses, that had made her daughters have a similar attitude. She said repeatedly - you could be dead tomorrow, so spend the money now.

Also the fact that the girls know that they just have to ask for money and it's given with a little nagging, means they have no reason to value money, or think carefully about what to buy.

I think if you teach children the importance of saving and using money wisely, surely they're more likely to respect that.

When I was younger I didn't ask my Mum or Dad for money. They gave me a weekly allowance for doing certain jobs like tidying/washing up/cutting grass. I then saved up that money and when I wanted to buy something like a video game, I'd use the money I'd saved.

If I didn't have enough, I saved up until I did! No asking for more money, no loan, I saved up. That taught me about the importance of money, taught me about saving, also taught me to only spend my money on the things I really wanted and get the best value deals I could to make it go further, like buying second hand.

So I think it's not inevitable that children will have to have really expensive things. Nor do I think it's necessary for them to be happy.

Do you have any views on this?

GwylimT

My daughters ask for ridiculous things, my son used to as well, I laugh at them and say no.

Sometimes I money match, so when my son saved an entire 10 months worth of pocket that would have bought half an N64 I gave him the other half of the money.

onlyroz

It's an old story but apparently Michael Schumacher gave his kids the equivalent of £2 a week pocket money so they would learn to appreciate the value of money:

http://news.sky.com/story/332370/f1-star-gives-2-pocket-money

I don't think you should spoil your kids no matter how rich you are. They should be made to wait until birthday and Christmas for larger items and be given a modest pocket money sum which they can save for other things. In our house we reward academic achievement (which translates to £1 per "house point" earned at school.)

barbiedoll

That brand-obsessed mother came across as quite sad to me. As OP stated, she repeatedly said that ""You may be dead tomorrow, so why not spend it now", I wonder what makes her think like that? Maybe she lost a parent/friend suddenly, which has given her this attitude? I did laugh when she spoke about getting "one day's enjoyment from this handbag" though, I'm a big handbag fan myself but I want more than one day's worth of "enjoyment" from mine, and they certainly don't cost hundreds of pounds!

I grew up in a relatively poor household and I can remember, when I was a young teenager, being absolutely desperate to get my hands on Blondie's "Parallel Lines" album. It cost £3.49 and I had £3 saved up, my auntie gave me the last 50p that I needed, I don't think that I've bought anything since that has given me the thrill of buying that album. (I've still got it!)

My son, an only child who lives with both of his parents, is probably spoilt in comparison to me and my siblings. But.....he still has to budget and save for stuff. Almost all of his "high-end" gadgets, (video consoles and the like) have been paid for by both him and us. If he wants something expensive, he has to make a sacrifice, so he saves up his pocket money and his Christmas/birthday gift money for the big ticket things. We will match his contribution and he only gets things when he has enough money, even if it is a couple of years after everyone else. He's also traded in stuff, sold stuff at boot fairs and earned money for specific chores to earn cash. He had his own online current account as soon as he was 16, he has to check his balance and manage his own cash flow. I can't remember him ever asking to borrow money, I don't think he'd bother as he knows full well what the answer would be! He did ask me if I would consider buying him a present for passing his GCSE's. Cost? £16.99 for a superhero (well, supervillan) T-shirt. And yes, I did buy it for him!

The worst thing about the brand-obsessed woman was that she was such a snob! Buying Macbooks and Radley handbags doesn't mean that you're wealthy, nor does it propel you into a higher social class. It just means that you judge people on appearances, which simply makes you a bit of an idiot. The family who will be mortgage-free in 5 years time were clearly the sensible ones, after a few years of second-hand clothes and boot-fair Christmas presents, they'll be sitting pretty in their own, fully paid-up property. And good for them! :T

FreddieFrugal

onlyroz wrote: »

In our house we reward academic achievement (which translates to £1 per "house point" earned at school.)

"Fifty points to Gryffindor!" would prove expensive for you then!

Goldiegirl

barbiedoll wrote: »

The family who will be mortgage-free in 5 years time were clearly the sensible ones, after a few years of second-hand clothes and boot-fair Christmas presents, they'll be sitting pretty in their own, fully paid-up property. And good for them! :T

Was that the family who were allegedly bringing in £18000 a year?


If so, I thought they were just as bad as the brand obsessed family.


The dad seemed pre-occupied with buying stuff at car boot sales that they didn't particularly need, and then cramming it into their house that was already cluttered with his previous boot sale finds.


Then they were stuffing their faces with £40 - £80 worth of takeaways each month.


If they cut out the boot fairs and the takeaways, they'd be able to save for buying their daughter presents at Christmas and birthdays.


I felt a bit sorry for the mother as she clearly wanted to cut out the takeaway but the dad seemed to think this wasn't possible.


I know the mum said she was paying £130 extra to the mortgage a month, but, unless the mortgage is already small, it's be unlikely to clear it in full in 5 years, at this level of overpayment.


I also thought they were rather disingenuous in declaring their income at £18000pa. It's probably more with tax credits etc

DUKE

I was shocked when a friends granddaughter was pulled away from doing something for free in the park to be taken off to the fairground. As soon as we arrived she held her hand out to me & said ''Tokens''. She's obviously used to people just giving to her without question. I just looked at her hand & told her I didn't do fairground rides as it was too expensive. Foolish Mommy gave her money for tokens.

In childhood I had more than most but not as much as some, if that makes any sense. Mom would give anyone her last penny, but Dad wouldn't. When I asked for my pocket money early one week Dad just cut me short & told me that I'd be without every week if I took the money then, so I didn't. It was a valuable lesson learned & I never spent what I couldn't afford, luckily I've never had any out of control debt either.

Hermia

barbiedoll wrote: »

That brand-obsessed mother came across as quite sad to me. As OP stated, she repeatedly said that ""You may be dead tomorrow, so why not spend it now", I wonder what makes her think like that? Maybe she lost a parent/friend suddenly, which has given her this attitude?

Surely if she thought that she could die any moment she would spend money on experiences not things? I have spent a fair bit of time with terminally ill people and I have never heard anyone lament not buying a designer bag! On the other hand I have heard people say they wish they had seen their favourite band in concert or visited a certain country.

I don't think it is inevitable that kids are obsessed with brand names and expensive items, but it does depend on the environment they are in. I have friends who are anti-consumerist and green and are bringing their kids up in that sort of community and their kids are far more interested in experiences than things. I think if a kid goes to a school where all their classmates are obsessed with brands etc it must be very hard to counteract that at home.

FreddieFrugal

Nor do I understand why kids are allowed to bring phones into school. They don't in primary, why secondary. If they needed desperate contact the school would ring.

One of the major pluses of uniform is that kids can't be judged on their clothes/brands, at least in school. But all of those secondary kids in that film had phones and put major emphasis on them as symbols of 'fitting in'. There was nothing like that when I was in secondary and that was only 10-12 years ago.

It must be difficult. But, I would never have associated with a crowd at school, who used something as trivial as a phone model to judge someone.

I'd hope to raise a child with enough emotional intelligence and strength of character to pick good friends who don't judge you based on what you can afford!

FreddieFrugal

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Then they were stuffing their faces with £40 - £80 worth of takeaways each month.

Closer to £100 actually! Which I agree is mad. Neither of them looked to be a particularly healthy BMI so cutting out the takeaways could help more than just financially!

I also agree that the husband did seem like a compulsive hoarder of tat. Whether he paid 50p or £50, it's wasted money and filling an already packed house.

Both families were acquiring huge quantities of worthless junk. Just paying different prices for it.

FBaby

Why do some parents use their failing of not being able to say no to their kids as an excuse to spoil them rotten. If they can't say no to their kids then the problem is why them ans they should consider taking parenting classes. I Hebrew no problem saying no to my kids and they sure know it. I could afford to spoil them rotten but all that does is bring the worse in kids and I certainly don't want that for them. As a result not only do they not ask but I genuinely believe they don't crave luxury they are happy with what they have and so should they be.