I Need A New Me

Tinkerbelle2000

There's still some left MT. I've left them in a hidey hole on Nora's thread lol.

Not much to report. OH been off work this week and it's driving me crazy. I can't wait to start work. Hopefully not long now.

He's still not getting the concept of saving. The list of things he wants to do around the flat just keeps getting bigger.

Having a bit of trouble sleeping just lately. I'm thinking it may be because I'm not working. I loved last week getting up for the training.

I've run out of things to tidy and sort so really need to start selling. Top of the list job now.

Take care.

Tink xx

Tinkerbelle2000

Why is it whenever I think things are getting back on track with OH it turns round and smacks me straight in the face.

Had a massive argument today resulting in avoiding each other and him not speaking to me. I hate arguments and usually keep quiet to avoid them which isn't great and is making me unhappy. Well today once I opened my mouth I couldn't stop and ended up saying what I've wanted to for a long time. As a result this didn't go down very well and I know this is partly my fault for keeping quiet for so long but I have just tried to do things to keep the peace. Why? I've never been like this before. I do usually speak my mind.

The things he said to me were hurtful and I think that there is no coming back from this now. He is a bully who likes his own way. That doesn't work when I've got myself and DD to look after.

I'm going to the council tomorrow and see if they can help me but as I've got no money at the moment I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm basically starting again from scratch. I'm guessing freecycle will become my new best friend.

As long as we have our own roof over our head and beds to sleep in we should be ok. Can always go to family for meals.

I'm sorry for the long post and rant guys. I just needed to get this out of my system so I can at least try and sleep.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Tink xx

moneyonmymindsam

Hey Tinks,

Definitely try to go to the council or see if there is any other options as who knows if they can help, I hope so .... it would be good to think of you both in your own little space


I've had some really rough times alone ...had to sell the sofa and almost the washing machine once... not eating for days on end being freezing etc ...and I do think one year an electric blanket saved my life else I would have died of cold .......it really is possible to start again with nothing and be happy.


Life is too short to be unhappy Tinks I do understand that you are having to make the best of it but I think your EF should come before your overpaying the debts.


Fingers and toes crossed you get paypacket soon. You and *little tinks* have each other which is far more important than stuff


Hopefully things with OH will be better tomorrow maybe you just needed to get it all out of your system.


What is it they say ...if you can dream it you can do it ..:D

Tinkerbelle2000

Wow Sam you've certainly been there and back. I'm glad things are better for you now.

Little Tinks is taking it all in her stride as usual. She is amazing.

I just still can't get over some of the things he said. That he doesn't listen to anything I say, he doesn't care one way or another if we are there or not and that he will do what he wants when he wants too. He will do his own things and I should just be happy with that and do my own thing. When I do do my own thing I get constant texts when will I be back grrrrr. He doesn't even think he should have to tell me where he is going now. How is that a relationship? He wants to cook his own meals, do his own washing etc. all because I said he can't even be bothered to wash the dishes when I've done absolutely everything else.

He hasn't told me to go but I know he doesn't want me here he doesn't like to be the one to blame for anything so I know he is just pushing and pushing for me to go so he can say she left me, I didn't tell her to go.

I feel like I can't breathe at the minute and am dreading tomorrow because I know he will just ignore me. Stubborn isn't the word. But I guess I need this for me to go and not put up with it anymore.

You're right, me and little Tinks need our own space. I know that's going to help me so much.

Tink xx

catriona79

Tinkerbelle2000 wrote: »

I know this is partly my fault for keeping quiet for so long but I have just tried to do things to keep the peace. Why? I've never been like this before. I do usually speak my mind.

(...) He is a bully who likes his own way. That doesn't work when I've got myself and DD to look after.

Tink,

Firstly - have a hug. You need it.

Secondly, it's late, but I had to send a quick message, because what you wrote really resonated with me. I've just come out of a relationship (4years!) with a similar, emotionally unavailable man.

Lots of ups and downs and no security, no respect. A very difficult situation to manage.

All I can say is trust your gut, listen to your body, what physiological symptoms you get at the times when you argue, or when you're having to keep quiet rather than rock the boat.

Only you know if it's worth it, and only you know when the right time is to leave.

As for me, I think I am still very vulnerable, and that's why I am best away from him. But, I am also calmer and I know where I stand in life. The insecurity isn't there any more.

Be kind to yourself, you beautiful thing. X

When_the_going_gets_tough

I don't know whereabouts you are op but might be worth investigating whether your council has a scheme to loan the deposit and first months rent for a private rental? Ours does and that would enable you to start up on your own. Furniture can be begged etc. finding out might require a bit of digging around or a visit to an advice agency. Good luck.

kirtsypoos

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough few days Tink, it sounds like you need to get out of there as soon as you can. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be, and you certainly don't deserve to be treated or spoken to in that way by your OH.

On another note, I've found local free to collector sites on facebook are brilliant, so that could be a help for you as a start.

I really hope the council are able to help in some way and you and your LO find a place where you are both happy, relaxed and able to enjoy your free time together without tip toeing around someone else. :grouphug:

Tinkerbelle2000

Hi Catriona. My gut is telling me to get out now. Things haven't changed this morning and if anything his mood is worse.

I am feeling a lot of anxiety almost all the time at the moment. I am already on meds for it but I don't want to get them upped. I know this will reduce when I have left.

WTGGT thanks for the post. I have all the paperwork ready to go to the council today but I will ask about the deposit. Good to know.

I don't have a very big family or are very close to them for that fact but I know they would do us a meal lol.

Will keep you posted.

Tink xx

kirtsypoos

Best of luck Tink x

Tinkerbelle2000

Been a bit of an emotional day. I did go to the council, got the forms to fill in and gave them id and got a ref from a previous landlord.

Then DD came home from school and the atmosphere was really bad. I ended up sitting with her in her room apologising for this situation. It broke my heart. What did she do? Give me a Big hug which made me worse. I love her so much.

So anyway there is a house but it's not available yet but I'm not sure if I would get it but I'm also not sure how long I can live like this. It is draining me.

The only thing worrying me about the council is that they need an income and exoenditure form. I'm going to have to tell them I'm waiting to start work but I'm hoping that getting paid weekly will be a bonus.

We shall see.

Tink xx