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Best way to deal with bad manners...

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Comments

  • Well....for future reference I will certainly know to do this "quick scan of the horizon" that I've noticed various other people doing. I've learnt that one by experience now.

    I was just remembering a recent incidence of chatting to a (local) stranger and they made a critical (and accurate) comment about the location we were both having that chat in. I agreed with her comment. Now normally - agreeing with someone's comment/opinion about something would be regarded as a "positive" thing to do by that person. Errrr....nope.....there was then a comment that "Of course - I'm allowed to say that because I'm a local. But no-one else can....". Hellllooo....what not even to agree with her own comment she had just made? No wonder it aint easy to learn the "rules of engagement" here.....

    I think she thought I was "supposed" to turn round and say "Oh...no...its wonderful/I like it/etc" type comment instead of agreeing with her....huh??
  • From your posts I get the distinct impression that you are not really very happy where you have moved to.


    As for accusing someone of something, that is libel unless you have proof. I expect that is the reason this person pulled you up on it.


    Oh course you were gossiping
  • Kaye1
    Kaye1 Posts: 538 Forumite
    Grrr.


    Rudeness is rudeness. It isn't a country thing or a city thing.


    It really annoys me when people generalise like this. I live in a rural area and people can be rude here. People can also be very helpful.


    We visited London a couple of years ago and a man had his coat spread over three seats on a busy tube compartment. I politely asked him if it was ok to move his coat so I could sit down. He looked at me, said 'No' and blanked me for the rest of the journey. He got off a couple of stops later, so he wasn't even saving the seats. The moral of this story isn't that all people in London are rude, it is that there are rude people every where.


    By assuming that people are rude because they view you as an 'incomer' is likely to put peoples backs up.


    Personally, I would just say something but it depends on whether you are happy to do so.
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Well....for future reference I will certainly know to do this "quick scan of the horizon" that I've noticed various other people doing. I've learnt that one by experience now.

    Or you could consider not gossiping about people? Its not really a very nice thing to do.
  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Well....for future reference I will certainly know to do this "quick scan of the horizon" that I've noticed various other people doing. I've learnt that one by experience now.

    I was just remembering a recent incidence of chatting to a (local) stranger and they made a critical (and accurate) comment about the location we were both having that chat in. I agreed with her comment. Now normally - agreeing with someone's comment/opinion about something would be regarded as a "positive" thing to do by that person. Errrr....nope.....there was then a comment that "Of course - I'm allowed to say that because I'm a local. But no-one else can....". Hellllooo....what not even to agree with her own comment she had just made? No wonder it aint easy to learn the "rules of engagement" here.....

    I think she thought I was "supposed" to turn round and say "Oh...no...its wonderful/I like it/etc" type comment instead of agreeing with her....huh??

    Isn't that very much the same thing as someone criticising a family member but then becoming very defensive when someone from outside the family agrees or joins in?

    It seems a very human way of protecting your own from outsiders, even if you are critical of them yourself.
  • pollypenny
    pollypenny Posts: 29,439 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    It seems that you, as an English incomer, were criticising something about your new Welsh area and a local picked you up in it.

    Touch of the Linda Snells here, I suspect.

    Btw: we Welsh really appreciate you English people, moving here for cheaper property and kindly telling us where we've gone wrong. Diolch ti.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
  • chrissie57
    chrissie57 Posts: 4,857 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    pollypenny wrote: »
    It seems that you, as an English incomer, were criticising something about your new Welsh area and a local picked you up in it.

    Touch of the Linda Snells here, I suspect.

    Btw: we Welsh really appreciate you English people, moving here for cheaper property and kindly telling us where we've gone wrong. Diolch ti.

    :T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

    Exactly what I thought. Although I have to say my family is Welsh and I found the 'looking round before speaking' rather familiar...:rotfl:

    OP does seem to to be going out of her way to upset her new community though so I suspect she never had any intention of trying to fit in but is finding it harder than expected to rule the roost :cool:
    "If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you. "
    A.A. Milne

    We are such stuff
    As dreams are made on; and our little life
    Is rounded with a sleep.


    Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced (James Baldwin)
  • summerspring
    summerspring Posts: 1,236 Forumite
    From your posts I get the distinct impression that you are not really very happy where you have moved to.


    As for accusing someone of something, that is libel unless you have proof. I expect that is the reason this person pulled you up on it.


    Oh course you were gossiping

    You need to look up the word libel :rotfl:
    The report button is for abusive posts, not because you don't like someone, or their opinions
  • summerspring
    summerspring Posts: 1,236 Forumite
    pollypenny wrote: »
    It seems that you, as an English incomer, were criticising something about your new Welsh area and a local picked you up in it.

    Touch of the Linda Snells here, I suspect.

    Btw: we Welsh really appreciate you English people, moving here for cheaper property and kindly telling us where we've gone wrong. Diolch ti.

    When do Welsh people speak in Welsh?
    When there's an English person in the room

    :rotfl:


    Poor OP, it looks like she's moved to an area where the attitude is "you're not one of us"..
    The report button is for abusive posts, not because you don't like someone, or their opinions
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    When do Welsh people speak in Welsh?
    When there's an English person in the room

    :rotfl:


    Poor OP, it looks like she's moved to an area where the attitude is "you're not one of us"..

    Purely based on her posting history, I don't think the OP has ever had much success in getting on with the people around her, to be honest. Whatever their nationalities!
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