Best way to deal with bad manners...

moneyistooshorttomention

Its bigger than a village - but with a large group of locals who clearly all know (or know of) each other and us incomers. Mrs Rudeness is the one in a group of incomers. Maybe she hasn't realised "our" ways yet? and that, since she is the "odd one out" then the onus is on her to "study norms".

I know a friend of mine shrugged and looked a bit "despairing" when she commented recently "I've been here 20 years now and I thought they had accepted me - until one of them said......"

I've been used to a city that quite definitely was British - but very "open" and a workplace where you never quite knew who would come and work there next (temporarily or permanently) and you were expected to just get on and introduce yourselves and tell them where the facilities were and get on with it. Though it was my Home City - I never took a "precious - WE tell you whats what" view. I'm used to "Now how do we work together as equals" view and actually (despite being a "local" back there) I never tried to take advantage of it and only one of my friends there is also a local (everyone, but everyone else, were incomers). A lot of us in that workplace were locals and 99% of us were British - but we got on equally with the non-locals that also worked there.

Person_one

What did you say that she objected to?

balletshoes

Person_one wrote: »

What did you say that she objected to?

yes, i'm intrigued as to what you said that made someone who overheard your conversation tell you that you shouldn't talk about that?

KARO

Some people have got big ears!

But as for unwanted interruptions in your conversations, I usually find a good old-fashioned "who rattled YOUR cage??" suffices, lol

Piggywiggy

I've found the best way to deal with rude people is to behave in the same way back to them.

Nicki

I can envisage circumstances where if I overheard someone say something extremely unpleasant that I would speak up and it would IMO be the person who had said the unpleasant thing who would be the rude person, not me

Some examples:

Overhearing someone say something gratuitously racist
Overhearing someone calling someone a "retard" whether or not they actually had any form of disability
Overhearing someone spreading malicious gossip which I knew to be untrue (eg alleging that someone was having an affair, or had stolen something worth a three figure sum )

So although from your previous form on these sorts of threads we know this won't happen, to actually answer your question we do actually need to know exactly what you were saying at the time you were confronted to advise you on whether it was you or the person who intervened who was behaving badly.

Andypandyboy

Nicki wrote: »

I can envisage circumstances where if I overheard someone say something extremely unpleasant that I would speak up and it would IMO be the person who had said the unpleasant thing who would be the rude person, not me

Some examples:

Overhearing someone say something gratuitously racist
Overhearing someone calling someone a "retard" whether or not they actually had any form of disability
Overhearing someone spreading malicious gossip which I knew to be untrue (eg alleging that someone was having an affair, or had stolen something worth a three figure sum )

So although from your previous form on these sorts of threads we know this won't happen, to actually answer your question we do actually need to know exactly what you were saying at the time you were confronted to advise you on whether it was you or the person who intervened who was behaving badly.

I agree, anything said in public which can be overheard is likely to be challenged if it could be deemed offensive or plain wrong.

I have been at work and overheard someone giving completely the wrong impression of an event and I have put my view forward despite not being an initial party to the conversation. Depending on circumstances I would also do this in a social setting. So I don't agree that the action was necessarily rude or showed a lack of manners. I could only make that judgment if the content of the conversation was known.

Georgiegirl256

Nicki wrote: »

I can envisage circumstances where if I overheard someone say something extremely unpleasant that I would speak up and it would IMO be the person who had said the unpleasant thing who would be the rude person, not me .

i agree with this, and depending on what had been said, then I possibly would too.

You say you should be able to have a private conversation without anyone butting in, and I agree, yes you should. However, if you are talking loud enough that another person can clearly hear what has been said, and is offended by it, then I think they too have the right to speak up if they so desire.

I think the time to let them know you thought they were rude was right there and then when they said something, not after days of dwelling on it.

I have a tendency to not talk very quietly, and therefore if I want a private conversation with someone then I will ensure it is in a private place. I remember once someone said something about a conversation I was having and I said 'we'll you shouldn't have been listening!' And they said 'we couldn't help but hear!', I guess they had a point!

Butting in on people's conversations is rude I agree, but if you're saying something utterly offensive/wrong/spreading malicious rumours (they're just examples as we don't know what was said) then like I said before, people are also entitled to say their piece/correct you.

nearlyrich

Piggywiggy wrote: »

I've found the best way to deal with rude people is to behave in the same way back to them.

And I find the exact opposite to be honest it sometimes shames them into behaving better. If I get a rude email I always reply warmly and if someone walks through a door I am holding without at least a smileI loudly say "you are welcome" ..as if they had said thanks. My pet hate is people saying "can I grab a latte" or whatever rather than "please can I have a latte" or "a latte please". It's hardly difficult to be polite is it? as for people butting in I usually find a puzzled stare works wonders...

missbiggles1

Presumably the looking round, lowering the voice and leaning in (all of which seem quite normal to me) is what people do when they don't want to be overheard. Perhaps you should do the same?